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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit wary?

82 replies

SerendipitousHarlot · 27/04/2009 20:04

GAH! That old freedom question....

Dd has been asked by her friend if she can go and camp in a field in half term

The friends grandma apparently has a couple of fields at the back of her house, that she owns. And friends mum has asked if J can go and the girls camp out overnight in a tent. On their own. Outside.

Now I haven't spoken to the mum yet - but she's very like me, and I trust her judgement.

Now I'm a mum that likes to offer freedom... I think a bit of independence and adventure does kids the power of good, and creates great memories.

But even I'm balking at this.... what would you do?

They're both 11.5 btw - and both pretty mature.

OP posts:
Tortington · 27/04/2009 20:57

its just that its a like a big field - it doesn't have the social norms of boundries to obey - y'know like a wall or a gate or a fence.

lowrib · 27/04/2009 21:00

I'm surprised at how many of you are so over-protective - not having the opportunity to experience risk or independence is damaging in the long term you know!!

This isn't some field in the middle of nowhere, it's in the grandma's (huge!) back garden. Unless you have a SPECIFIC reason to doubt the safety of this field (e.g. if it was used as short-cut for drunk people on their way home from pub).

What exactly are you worried about? There are no wolves out there any more you know! It may feel scary out at night in a field, but this is a misconception (and part of the fun!) Driving around in cars is much more risky than camping out, but we do it all the time without a second thought.

I used to travel from London to Wales on my own on the train at age 9, and took a plane from the US back home at age 10. And this was in the days before mobiles.

Let them do it, it'll be great (safe!) fun.

Original poster
SerendipitousHarlot · 27/04/2009 21:03

Oooh do you know, I'm leaning towards a yes.... and lowrib, it will be scary! But that's half the fun isn't it

OP posts:
helsbels4 · 27/04/2009 21:07

Is it some random field at the back of someone's house, or someone you know's back garden? Very different I would say!
Eleven year old girls are giggly and immature in general and I wouldn't leave my daughter of that age completely unsupervised in a field.

If there was an adult in a house or tent nearby - then fine.

Oh and lowrib, you may have done all that when you were young but each to their own and there is no way I would allow my nine year old/ or he would want to, travel on his own on the train from London to Wales!!!

I'm not sure how long ago you're talking about but I suspect very few people would be happy for their children to do this in this day and age . Very unrealistic to say the least!

pottycock · 27/04/2009 21:08

I wouldn't allow this either - what a crying shame though as we used to do things like this all the time and just loved it.

Original poster
SerendipitousHarlot · 27/04/2009 21:13

Why not though, potty? What is there exactly to be afraid of? I'm genuinely asking, btw.

OP posts:
helsbels4 · 27/04/2009 21:16

What is there to be afraid of?

Well as I said, if it's someone's garden then probably not very much and they'll have a whale of a time but if it's a generally random field who anybody has access to......then who knows????

FairLadyOfMuslinCloth · 27/04/2009 21:17

I am probably the least over protective parent I know, but even I would think that it might not be a good idea...although, it would depend slightly, on the location of fields, how they are enclosed, the general area and how near the house they would be.....
would it be only the 2, or will there be a group of them? Althought, not sure if more Kids wouldn't make it worse rather than better, lol....

hmmm...tbh, I think I would see if an adult or 2 could also camp but in a different tent, so, teh girls still have the in tent alone experience without being completely alone, iykwim....

BiscuitStuffer · 27/04/2009 21:19

I'd be scared of random wierdos that amble around at night. You would kick yourself if anything happened.

Incase of illness, I presume they would both have mobiles?

stickylittlefingers · 27/04/2009 21:35

if it really is the other side of a garden wall, I'd say no problem (you know your dd and her level of maturity of course) - if they have a good escape route back inside.

Re random weirdos - depends where you are. Where I grew up in deepest darkest Devon, it'd have been a pretty intrepid weirdo that made it to our fields. There was that awful story a couple of years ago about the little girl stolen out of her bath - some things you can't plan for.

I would expect a lot of giggling and sweet-eating, nothing any more scary!!

lowrib · 27/04/2009 22:18

This is all about perception of risk. The dark and being alone seem scary. It's natural enough, but it's actually not that risky IMO.

(I repeat) cars are much more dangerous! They are the main cause of death for children and young people, but we live with this risk. Children are at risk of accidents in the home (very common), but we feel safe when we are there. I'm not trying to make you feel scared of normal things, but just to bring some perspective to this. Camping in a field involves being in the dark, being on your own, and in unfamiliar circumstances - all things which FEEL dangerous, but in reality, the suggested camping trip isn't actually a particularly dangerous situation.

The lone nutter fear really is very very unlikely. If you are going to start imagining nutters in the bushes then when can you allow your children any independence?

I come from a fairly rough part of London. But I remember being pretty damn scared, walking to the pub in the dark, while on holiday in West Wales as a teenager. We were walking down dark, country lanes, unaccustomed to the lack of street lights and noise, and jumping out of our skins at every little rustle in the hedgerows! (Probably made by creatures more scared of us) If the locals could have seen us they would have pissed themselves. (It was quite fun though, looking back, and GOOD FOR US!)

angrypixie · 27/04/2009 22:43

I wouldn't, but not because of the random nutter theory but because I know my city born & bred child with over active imagination would be very frightened out in the dark in a tent with no adults near by. My fear would be that she would want to return to the house and if the other child didn't want to, she would be v distressed but too scared to go back alone.

Certainly if the other child went down the ghost stories route she would be beside herself with fear!!!! (Wuss!)

But I know that about her, and I think she would be relieved that I said no! So, I am on the side of you knowing your daughter and having a good idea how she'll react. If you know & trust the other child and their parents then go with your gut instinct.

PlumBumMum · 27/04/2009 22:48

I did this at that age, in I live out the country, although we did have my friends' older sister with us, she was maybe 14, I remember my mum took some convincing and I was really upset when I thought she was going to say no

But now I'm a mum not so sure, maybe try back garden first

girlandboy · 27/04/2009 22:55

I expect any risk of anything untoward happening is very small.

However, I wouldn't be very comfortable about it.

Whenever I think of fields and children it should be about running about and enjoying the freedom. But since Sarah Payne got taken away from playing in a field that's the image I get.

That's my reason for my uncomfortable feeling. Probably totally OTT, but there we go........

tigerdriver · 27/04/2009 23:01

The risk of a random nutter lurking in the bushes waiting for two girls to set up camp is pretty low.

The risk of them being ill in the middle of the night is pretty low.

The risk of them scaring themselves silly is pretty high but isn't that part of the fun?

If they have a torch each and are warm enough (it gets bloomin' cold in a tent this time of year)and they have some grub for a midnight feast, and they know the way back to granny's kitchen then what's not to like?

I'd say yes.

mrsjammi · 27/04/2009 23:03

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herbietea · 27/04/2009 23:22

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BiscuitStuffer · 28/04/2009 21:12

Would the acid test be that if granny felt comfortable leaving her back door unlocked so the girls could get in at any time during the night without a key, then it's safe enough for them to be out in a tent in her field?

junglist1 · 28/04/2009 21:22

Would it be possible for the girls to have a mobile phone so if they felt worried at any point they could call an adult? Probably nothing would happen, true, but worrying all the same. There's always that what if, isn't there.

Onestonetogo · 28/04/2009 21:44

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SoupDragon · 28/04/2009 21:49

"risk of weirdos/paedophiles" [snort]

I would. It's overnight, one night and I also doubt they'd last past midnight.

pranma · 28/04/2009 21:53

Not long ago there was a case of a child camping in grandparents garden with cousins[near the sea somewhere-cant remember details]and she was taken from tent and murdered by a 'random weirdo'.

Onestonetogo · 28/04/2009 21:55

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babyignoramus · 28/04/2009 21:56

Depends on the field I think - I'm visualising a great big fuck off wasteland, but saying that my friend lives on a smallholding and their field is basically an extension of their garden, completely enclosed by hedges and gate and visible from the house. I'd judge based on which catagory it fell into....

casbie · 28/04/2009 22:03

nope - not without a our dog or a grown-up.

in a garden - yes, with backdoor unlocked! (actually my 9 year old camped one night with her cousin and her aunty had kittrens alnight.).

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