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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit wary?

82 replies

SerendipitousHarlot · 27/04/2009 20:04

GAH! That old freedom question....

Dd has been asked by her friend if she can go and camp in a field in half term

The friends grandma apparently has a couple of fields at the back of her house, that she owns. And friends mum has asked if J can go and the girls camp out overnight in a tent. On their own. Outside.

Now I haven't spoken to the mum yet - but she's very like me, and I trust her judgement.

Now I'm a mum that likes to offer freedom... I think a bit of independence and adventure does kids the power of good, and creates great memories.

But even I'm balking at this.... what would you do?

They're both 11.5 btw - and both pretty mature.

OP posts:
w0tzUp · 28/04/2009 22:08

I would be afraid to camp in someones back field, in a solo tent, it will be bloody dark.

BirdyArms · 28/04/2009 22:12

I'm not sure, think I'd want to see the field first. Do the girls want to? Would they prefer to be in the garden?

EverySingleStar · 28/04/2009 22:21

Errr I feel it is more likely that a random weirdo/paedophile/burglar will be skulking around shopfronts, pubs, and houses than in fields but that's just me. Just make sure they pitch camp relatively close to the house, have mobiles and torches (walkie-talkies could be fun and more reliable as well), and an unlocked back door.

seeker · 28/04/2009 22:34

It'sw entirely reasonable to be a bit wary - you are a mum, that's your job. But it is not at all reasonable to let your waryiness stop the girls having an adventure.

Yes, there was a case a while ago of a child being taken from a tent. But children are killed on the road every day and we don't think that's a good reason not to let out children go in cars.

Let them do it - so long as they can get back into the house if they get scared in the night!

w0tzUp · 28/04/2009 22:36

Can I just say that because some Mners will have a different opinion and think it unwise, or not sure to say yes, (therefore lots of things like this in AIBU threads) it is not always because of the fear of weirdo paedophiles or night burglars, who are probably far too busy looking at the web porn, or spying on zoopla or street google at homes to rob in the comfort of their own room.

Onestonetogo · 28/04/2009 22:43

Message withdrawn

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 28/04/2009 22:51

Depends a lot on the field and the grandma - is she happy to leave the back door unlocked if they do scare the crap out of each other with ghost stories or hear a fox barking or something? And is the path back to the house clear of steep steps and deep ponds and anything else that could be a serious danger to a scared kid running in the dark?
If it's the equivalent of a big back garden away, the gran is unworried by leaving the door unlocked (and prepared to check up on them regularly), and there are no major obstacles for them to break their necks over, I'd say let them do it.

w0tzUp · 28/04/2009 22:53

Ghosts, evil witches, large spiders, snails, that kind of thing. I'm still not keen on large spiders, foxes. Trees howling in the night. I'm not good with night, darkness, just like I was as a child. You see these things live outside and might like to come inside. I understand about the ghosts and witches, but do all 11.5 year olds with vivid imaginations, well yes if you are with them because you can tell them its not a witch howling but a fox! I hate camping. Maybe not the best person to ask.

angrypixie · 28/04/2009 22:55

Onestone I made it v clear that I would say no, but not from the random nutter theory.

seeker · 28/04/2009 23:30

But why stop your child doing something because YOU are scared of the dark/giant spiders/snails/sheep nibbling the guy ropes/evil witches? if they find out that they are frightened of this sort of thing too they can make a dash for the house - but they have to find out for themselves.

Mulanmum1 · 28/04/2009 23:33

No - I would not allow it. I remember the case of the 7 year old girl, Sophie, abducted from the tent where she was sleeping with her cousins. It was in her uncle's garden in Wales and the local paedo raped and murdered her. Now you can snort all you like but that is etched on my memory. Yes, cars are a bigger risk to child safety than paedophiles but you can't avoid cars. You can avoid unnecessary risks.

JMHO.

seeker · 28/04/2009 23:38

It may be etched in your memory, but that's because it's so rare that it isn't worth taking into consideration.

I fell off a horse when I was 8 and very nearly died. I know one child and one adult who have been killed around horses. I don't feel I'm taking unnecessary risks by letting my daughter ride - by your logic I shoudn't let her.

Mulanmum1 · 28/04/2009 23:41

The OP was asking why people wouldn't let their young daughters camp in a field. I'm giving my reason, seeker. What you do with your daughter is up to you.

w0tzUp · 29/04/2009 00:17

Seeker I know my children and they are scared, they don't even like Harry Potter FFS. This is going to end up like the cinema thread isn't it? No I haven't pushed my fears onto them blah blah blah....same old same old.

seeker · 29/04/2009 05:27

Absolutely - if your children are scared and don't want to do it then of course they shouldn't. I have one who wouldn't have done this in a month of Sundays - and one who would grab the opportunity with both hands. The OP hasn't said that her child doesn't want to go - so I'm assuming that she does. So the question of the child being frightened doesn't come into it at this stage - which is why I asked whether the door to the house would be open for them to come running in when they hear an owl!

Mulamum - I'm sorry, this is a hobbyhorse of mine. I just think it's so sad that children's lives (not yours - everyone's) have been so limited because the media have convinced us that they are at risk doing quite ordinary things. They aren't you know!

risingstar · 29/04/2009 05:37

Bit of middle ground

  1. Is this something the child wants to do or are they hopeful that you will say no on their behalf

  2. Can you go and have a look? It may be in a field, but just over a garden gate ifyswim?

  3. If it is only your dd going, can you compromise along the lines of dd isn't used to camping, can we stick to the garden this time and see how she likes it?

  4. Agree with others, likely to be back indoors with a cup of cocoa by 11! probably whilst you are wide awake all night worrying

catwalker · 29/04/2009 07:45

It's impossible to say without giving an opinion. However, does the grandma in question leave her back door unlocked every night? If not then why does she feel she has to lock potential intruders out, but it's safe for 11 year old girls to sleep outside her house?

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 29/04/2009 15:01

FFS it's more likely that someone's going to be on the look out for somewhere to rob than for two girls to attack.

catwalker · 29/04/2009 15:09

Agreed. But would you want your child in a garden/field behind a house that was being burgled - even if they were just interested in the house contents and not looking to attack anyone?

I was just suggesting a question the OP might ask to get a feel for how safe/intruder-free the grandma genuinely feels her property to be. If she feels she needs to lock intruders/camping children out overnight then I'd be uncomfortable. If she feels happy to go to bed and leave the back door unlocked in case anyone is feeling nervous and wants to sleep indoors without making a fuss then I might feel happier.

PMSLBrokeMN · 29/04/2009 15:12

All I can say is that my DD (same age) would JUMP at the chance, and I'd let her go. Weighing up the possible risks (to my mind small and mostly manageable) against the benefits, yes I'd be worried but more in the 'oh my PFB out camping, she's growing up so fast' rather than 'eeek, I bet all the local paedos are homing in on their tent'.

OrmIrian · 29/04/2009 15:13

In the garden, yes, assuming they could get in if they needed to. Not in a field.

BitOfFun · 29/04/2009 15:34

I'd say yes, I think, but I'd want to see the field to check for the sort of stuff solidgold mentioned, proximity to the house etc. If they can get back in the house easily enough if necessary I think it sounds great fun. A mobile with a nearby adult on speed-dial might be a good idea though (even if they will probably use it to ask for biscuits!)

InmyheadIminParis · 29/04/2009 15:49

Sounds as though you've already thought of all the angles - the field is close to a relative's house, you know your daughter isn't irresponsible.
Now take a big, deep breath and say 'Yes, of course you can go! Have fun! Call me if there's a problem.'
Sounds like exactly the kind of thing an 11 year old and her friends should be doing at half term. Be brave - let them have a (safe) adventure!

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 29/04/2009 18:18

I'm so glad there's so many mums on here who are sensible enough to realise that the DM is not dishing out the only truth we should read and that mollycodling is the best way to get a new generation of people unable to cross the road without their hands being held!!!

Of course any sensible mum will check out the field, I would, and check whether they had some means of communication (in my day it was a CB ) and check whether grandma was going to leave the back door open or give them a key (you do know keys exist for back doors, don't you, all those who seemed to think the kids would be locked out all night, and that 11.5 yr olds do generally know how to use them!)

Flibbertyjibbet · 29/04/2009 18:38

Pranma, I was thinking of the same case as I read the thread.

I do think the suggestion about would grandma leave her house unlocked for the night while the girls are camping is a good one.

I have boys but don't think I'd let them do overnight camps in fields behind someones house at 11.

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