to think that snobbery about others is only depriving yourself

[OrmIrian]

of the company of people who might turn out to be amazingly good friends.

Yes it is a thread about a thread. Sorry. But it's a serious point.

If you judge and dismiss people on the basis of what they put on their walls or where they live, doesn't that reduce the pool of potential friends and acquaintances, and experiences. And if you judge but don't speak or act on your judgements, or let them colour your actions, don't you eventually learn just how pointless such judgements actually are?

Just wondering. As I get older I get less judgemental, not more and I think my life is richer for it.

I suppose Riven, being a snob about something implies making a 'judgement call' about the people who have/do/ are the things you don't like.

riven - It's fine not to like things, but to assume that is because you somehow have finer sensibilities than those who do like them makes it's snobbery. Beleive me I was brought up by a mother who deeply cared about such things, and a father who didn't give a stuff. Dad was the really upper-class one. Mum was riven () with insecurity and still at the age of 78 worries about what people think. Dad liked everyone and accepted everyone for what they are, and had much more fun.

thunderduck - your thread was lighthearted and funny. But there were some posts that seemed a little more serious in their comments. And I wasn't just posting about your thread, it just prompted my musings.

I can't understand people wasting time even noticing most of that shit on the other thread, much less giving a fat rat's ass.

And some of the stuff made me LOL because I speak American English and people say 'Pardon' and 'casserole' all the time.

I mean, WTF?

I'm a born cynic, but I can't help thinking most people can't be that completely petty.

Interesting OP. i couldn't be arsed to read the other thread - started but was having trouble thinking of anything to put, although there must be stuff...

TBH I have found it the other way around. As I grow older I am becoming less likely to "talk to anyone" and my politics are going slightly more to the right (although still v lefty!).

Don't people tend to get more entrenched in their views and less flexible as they get older, not the other way? I had always thought so...

i've never heard the casserole thing before either.

I agree OP. I think that snobbery is a cover for ignorance, a poor upbringing and insecurity. Although I must admit I am just as guilty;-of avoiding people who have demonstrated themselves to be snobs

On another note, doesn't everyone have plastic windows these days?

Well I'm snobby about coffee - doesn't mean if I went round someones house and they gave me instant I would loathe them forever or reject them as friends.

I have lots of friends who do stuff people are snobby about (and I have plastic windows in a Victorian house).

Tis lighthearted - I don't believe for a second that there are people who genuinely wouldn't be friendly towards someone with a muffin top or laminate flooring.

Well, I've never met anyone like that but they could exist I suppose

'So what do you hafta say instead of casserole? Stew? '

I guess so. Tuna stew? Yesterday I made a red pepper risotto casserole - BBC Good Food called it a casserole. What a lot of ignoramuses they are, Queen's English, my arse.

I had truly no idea about the serviette thing. I always call them napkins, except whilst speaking French and then they really are serviettes .

'Lounge' I don't get, either. But again, that is because I am foreign and it is always a living room.

But it never crossed my mind to think, 'Oh, that is common. That's so pretentious and insecure.

I hadn't even noticed until it was pointed out.

I'm the opposite Laurie. I get furious when I go to a cafe and they list about on zillion coffee options. When you ask for Nescafe they just look at you blankly

I'm a coffee snob, too, Laurie.

I'm not sure which is common, Riven. We have some from IKEA that I use, but not the disposable ones except for picnics.

I think the thread was lighthearted and i think people were mostly confessing to the things that they recognise in themselves.

I have thought aboutthis a lot since my mauling on my America thread and I have a few conclusions.

People have to shorthand the world around them or they would go crazy. DS2 has ASD and his life is made overwhelming by his inability to see patterns and consistency - so much so that he has OCD behaviours to try and create some sense from the tidal wave of visual info he gets whenever we leave the house.
We all have this. To pretend we don't is nonsense. That is why we give police uniforms and why we have cultural stereotypes around people and clothing and hairstyle. We TRY to send out messages about ourselves because society needs some shorthand or we would go mad.

The problem is when this shorthand defines how we think about each other rather than giving each other clues and hints etc.

The petty snobberies being fessed up to are people mostly admitting their in built knee jerk reactions which may have been formed in childhood or from bad experiences or a 100 other things.

I would never choose a friend based upon pety things. I will chat to anyone in a shop or a lift or a bus queue.
But to pretend that we don't have knee jerk reactions is nonsense. We can choose to ignore them - I hope we mostly do- But we can't pretend we don't have them.

Unless maybe you are my DS2 .

Nice post pagwatch.

Fwiw I was thinking something along those lines - but couldn't have expressed it nearly so well as you.

to go from the sublime to the ridiculous; do you remember the start of "The Diary of Bridget Jones"? She's at her m and d's party and is introduced to Mr. Darcy (or whatever his name is). She says that you can simplify a lot of life (your point) by interpreting clues correctly (your point again). So she "reads" his clothes - and dismisses him as a person.

In fact, the whole novel sort of springs from that attempt at simplification/interpretation. the joke is that she has read his clothes/him all wrong. and she would have saved herself a whole lot of bother (but then there would have been no novel!) if she hadn't been quite so dismissive based on her interpretation.

Agree, though, that both these threads are essentially lighthearted. Did like your interpretation, though, Pagwatch.

I'd call it a casserole if it was cooked in the oven and a stew if it was cooked on the hob. What's wrong with casserole?

And Riven napkins is the '''acceptable'' word. The upper classes would use that, but they wouldn't use serviette.

the sad thing is that some people really do judge others by whether they say Toilet, or go to private school, or hold their knife like a pencil.

I think you must be my sister, btw Ormirian, from your description of your parents...

Now I don't say 'toilet' because I am foreign and that just sounds icky to me.

Now I don't say 'toilet' because I am foreign and that just sounds icky to me.

One of my 'snob-eries' (not a word, I know) was hair bands on babies.

My friend has just had a girl after 2 boys & her baby is regularly in hairbands. Doesn't mean that she isn't my friend. Just something I would never do. And I also wouldn't dream of telling her I don't like it.

I am pretty sure we all have friends with traits that irritate/annoy us, but don't let it come between the friendship.

I read the other thread but didn't post as I couldn't get the idea out of my head of a snob being someone who looked down on other people, feeling somehow superior to them.

Agree with pagwatch about clues and shorthand, although I prefer the word cue instead of clue (makes me feel less like a detective .

So if we don't decide whom to be friends with based on these cues, what are the factors that we use to help us decide?

I tend to work on instinct and make a judgement along the lines of my kind of person/not my kind of person - perhaps I am missing out on potential good friends this way.