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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to SECRETLY want a boy?

59 replies

bratnav · 24/04/2009 10:31

I know I know, not good to have a preference

Our 20 week scan is today and DH and I have decided to find out what flavour we are having.

Is it really wrong of me to want a boy? I have 2 DDs (6 and 5) and DSD (5) and my sister had a boy last year, so it just seems like a boy would be the nicest thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I would have problems loving another girl or anything, but I just yearn for a boy

I have told NO-ONE, not even DH about this, I feel really embarassed about it.

OP posts:

nickytwotimes · 24/04/2009 10:34

I think you are quite normal to have a preference.
I know if I manage to have another, I'd like a second boy, mainly becasue of my own negative experiences of being a little girl, iyswim. That's not to say I, or you, won't be delighted to have a lovely baby of either gender.

Disenchanted3 · 24/04/2009 10:35

Don't feel like that!

I had 2 DSs and desperatly wanted DC3 to be a girl, i tried to be cool about it and say I didn't mind (of course I wouldn't have loved a boy anyless but that doesn't stop the wanting for a daughter)

But people knew, when I found out my friend was having a girl i bawled like a baby

Turns out I was having a girl too

Theres nothing WRONG with wanting a certain sex as long as you know that if you end up having a girl you will love her just as much as your other?

Thefearlessfreak · 24/04/2009 10:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

MarlaSinger · 24/04/2009 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMysticMasseuse · 24/04/2009 10:38

i have two dds, and as soon as we found out that dd2 was going to be a girl (at 20w scan) i turned to dh and said: we're going to have to have a third.

i don't think we will now (have a third) and part of me grieves for the boy i'll never have.

YANBU. that's just the way you feel, it's neither wrong nor right. you will love your child regardless of the gender, it\s just one of those things...

Momma23 · 24/04/2009 10:40

Well when i was expecting DD3 i was the same, so no you are not the worst person in the world.
We have 3 DDs and i would no change them for all the money in the world, and will not be "trying for the boy".
It would have been lovely to have the boy, but not for use and were as proud of leaving the hospital with a beautiful baby girl. I do think it is a good idea to find the sex if you are feeling this way, prepare you for a baby girl or boy. I did with DD2 and 3 and i felt i bonded with them alot better.
Hope this helps and dont bet yourself up about it.
Ps let us know the results

Original poster

bratnav · 24/04/2009 10:41

I just feel so guilty, if this baby is a girl (and I have a sneaking suspicion that it is) then she might feel how I am feeling

Also, I am not sure I can cope with any more pink in the house

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 24/04/2009 10:43

I have a DS after two DDs.

I didn't really care one way or another, but now he's here, oh, man, he's LOUD!

expatinscotland · 24/04/2009 10:43

I have a DS after two DDs.

I didn't really care one way or another, but now he's here, oh, man, he's LOUD!

TheMysticMasseuse · 24/04/2009 10:43

you know deep down that the way you feel now has absolutely no bearing whatsoever to how you'll feel towards your baby, right? because it won't. just accept this feeling, and don't try to analyse it orjustify it or make it go away...

Momma23 · 24/04/2009 10:44

Try my house its all pinked out... 3dds and me poor dp has no chance!

Once you know what you are having you will come round and wonder what you were worring about.
Why do you think its a girl?

duchesse · 24/04/2009 10:47

Both flavours are lovely and you won't mind at all once the baby's born. It's not wrong to secretly have a preference though (and I'm hoping for the same as you, to even up numbers!)

Longtalljosie · 24/04/2009 10:47

I think it's incredibly common to have a preference but NO-ONE talks about it because they think it's wrong to.

Sorrento · 24/04/2009 10:51

Gosh I'm quite the opposite, I have three girls am about to get pregnant with the 4th and am quite nervous that it'll be a boy.
And to add insult to injury, hubby said I could name it if it is a boy and his cousin has just used that name

Original poster

bratnav · 24/04/2009 10:57

I'm not sure why I think it is a girl, it's just a gut feeling. Also my pg has been identical to the first 2.

Either way, practically we would have to buy very little, either all the DDs and DSDs things from our loft or my DSis things from hers. DSis has decided I am having another DD

OP posts:

kentmumtj · 24/04/2009 11:01

oh dear i felt like i was reading about me then
i had 3 dds and not secretivly wanted a boy i desperatly wanted a boy
my dh wanted me to find out so i could prepare myself for another girl but i didnt.

Thankfully he was a healthy bouncing baby boy and yes thats how my face has been ever since he was born.

I love all of mine equally but it is lovely to have one of the opposite sex especially as this was going to be our last child.

not sure he thinks that growing up with 3 hormonal sisters lol

Original poster

bratnav · 24/04/2009 11:03

Well this is another thing, this is DH and my first and last DC together.

OP posts:

duchesse · 24/04/2009 11:05

Kent- my friend has exactly the same set up as you. She said she was paranoid during the pregnancy as the baby's heart rate always seemed too low, way lower than her first three children. She was convinced the baby had a problem. No problems at all apart from the extra dangly bit, and he is a delightful, very sociable 12 yr old. He seems to be extremely well-developed emotionally if that's at all reassuring.

My brother on the other hand, who is number 5 and the only boy, is bit emotionally retarded. I think it depends on personality and how they are brought up.

kentmumtj · 24/04/2009 11:10

i think it made me feel complete i can hear some people laughing now but it really did. would we have had a 5th if it was another girl i really dont know but i yearned for a boy was desperate for him.

so i do understand how you must be feeling. thing is i wanted a boy everytime i had a girl and when she was born i flet that instant love and was glad they were girls so if you do have another girl im sure that love will still be there.

and just think of the son in laws that will be around one day

kentmumtj · 24/04/2009 11:13

duchess interesting he had a low heart beat when my ds was born the labour was terrible and his heart beat kept stopping and he was pulled out and i mean pulled out i wasnt even fully dilated and they said they didnt have time to take me to the theatre they were prepping and he was born blue and not breathing and it was touch and go for a while

and my ds is great and soooo much easier than a girl.

MrsDanversAteMyIpod · 24/04/2009 11:16

I was EXACTLY the same when pregnant with DS. I really, really wanted a boy. Didn't tell anyone not even DH. In fact I went to the other extreme convincing myself I was having another dd.

Funnily enough I had no preference with first dc and when she turned up I was delighted to have a gorgeous girl and fell in love with her straight away.

With me though, having had no father or brother growing up. No male close family member, I think I craved a platonic loving relationship with a male. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the day I found out he was a DS was one of the happiest of my life .

btw bratnav, both pregnancy symptoms were exactly the same for dd & ds but I think you are doing what I did which is preparing yourself mentally for a dd so that, if she is, you can treasure her & bond with her without other feelings getting in the way.

Good luck anyway & don't feel guilty

chipmonkey · 24/04/2009 11:38

YanknCock · 24/04/2009 12:40

I'm pregnant with my first child, and I really really really wanted a boy, but convinced myself it was a girl until the scan. I'm sure it would have been ok, and I would have got used to it, but. . .

Never been so happy to see a tiny willy.

MrsDanversAteMyIpod · 24/04/2009 12:44

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/04/2009 13:11

if you have 2 or more of one sex then sure many would like one of the other to balance things out

but - and saying this trying hard not to sound bitter (if that is the right word) -

remember that you are luckly to be pregnant not once but maybe 2/3times whatever sex the child is, as long as they are healthy and happy then does it matter what sex they are?

some people cant even get pregnant and i know some people who be thrilled with being pregnant and as long as either a girl or boy would be over the moon

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