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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should pay less rent money to my mum?

75 replies

notoverit · 20/04/2009 13:43

I have had some problems recently and have to move back in with my mum.

I asked her how much rent does she want me to pay? She said she is unsure and I should suggest an amount. I said I would prefer it if she decided what she thought was fair.

When I lived at home before I paid £100 per month, including food. And I was working full time and earning a decent wage. When dd was born she said as I was not earning I could just buy my own food and not pay rent. But I moved out soon after that.

I am on benifits so do not get alot of money.

My cousin who is 35 and in full time work with a good wage pays £50 per week to live in my mums house and buys his own food.

My mum said she thought I should pay £40 per week and buy my own food. I'm not sure if that is reasonable considering my cousin lives there and pays only £10 more per week and is not her child and is earning a good wage.

Also her boyfriend lives there and she told me today he pays £50 per week and buys their food. I do not think this is true as before she told me he pays some bills and buys food.

So AIBU? I'm not saying she is but just asking for advice.

OP posts:
Shitemum · 20/04/2009 13:46

you'll just have to talk to her ans ask if she would mind you paying less seeing as you are on benefits unlike her other lodgers

playftseforme · 20/04/2009 13:47

I feel a bit sorry for your mum, having three adults living with her. She must either have a really big house or really love you, or be in need of the financial help (in which case you need to prepare a proper budget and see how much you can really afford to pay her, if it's not £40 plus food)

spicemonster · 20/04/2009 13:48

Won't you get housing benefit? Sorry if that's not very helpful. I think your mum should charge your cousin more - that's peanuts!

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 13:49

Well I was thinking of asking her how she decided that that would be a fair amount? so i could see her reasoning behind it. As i'm not sure if it is a fair amount or not.

I have a friend that lives in her mums house with her partner and two children and they pay £200 per month in total including food.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 20/04/2009 13:49

I thought the same as Spicemonster - if you are on benefits you should get housing benefit.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 20/04/2009 13:51

surely £40 is a lot cheaper than rents in your area?

How long do you think you and your family will be staying there?

I would think the same as your cousin would be reasonable.

I wouldn't think or expect her to charge her boyfriend at all since they are in a relationship

Kewcumber · 20/04/2009 13:51

you are an adult (presumably) why should your mum be providing all your food! I would expect to pay my mum the market rate disocunted a little for family - so your her £40 per week sounds about right to me.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 20/04/2009 13:51

you don't get housing benefit to live with close family

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 13:52

Well she moved my cousin in while i was living there before as he had just moved to the area and she had a spare room.

She said me and dd can move in with her as we have had some problems and she always said I can come home if I need to.

And her boyfriend lives there because she wants him there.

She says she never has any money but she doesn't actually have a mortage so I do not see what she needs so much money for.

OP posts:
Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 13:55

Yes £40 is cheaper then rent in my area, but if I was renting a flat housing benifit would pay for it. I do not think housing benifit would pay for me to live at my mums house.

Kewcumber - I would not expect my mum to pay for my food, I am just explaining the set up before.

OP posts:
Tortington · 20/04/2009 13:55

tell us how much money you get per week

then i'll tell you

i reckon on a third of whatever my son earns.

however i don't know how i would feel about having a grandchild live with me

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 13:56

Laurie - have you looked into housing benifit paying for you to live with family? I havn't but just assumed they would not help with that?

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 20/04/2009 13:57

If you want me to be brutally honest - I don't think whether she has a mortgage or not, or why she needs money, as any of your concern. Were you expecting to live there for nothing?

I'm not being harsh by the way, it's a genuine question.

MuffinBaker · 20/04/2009 13:57

It isn't really your business what your mum wants her money for.

Exactly why shouldn't you pay a fair amount?

Tortington · 20/04/2009 13:57

whether she is paying a mortage or not is not the point!

if i were you i would see how much it would cost you to live anywhere else.

TrillianAstra · 20/04/2009 13:57

If you would be better off in a flat being paid for by housing benefit then why not do that?

YABU to think that £40 a week is too much to pay to your mum for a room in her house and use of kitchen, bathroom, etc.

MuffinBaker · 20/04/2009 13:58

"so much money??"

Are you for real?

It isn't a lot of money for what you and other lodgers get imho.

Tortington · 20/04/2009 13:58

housing benefit won't pay to family afaik

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 20/04/2009 13:58

No, but I do know this through a friend who works there.

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 13:58

I am on income support so it has recently gone up to £64 per week. I then get child tax credit which is £222 per month. And child benifit which is £20 per week.

OP posts:
mumblechum · 20/04/2009 13:59

Sounds like you'd actually be better off renting a flat/house if hb will pay, though? What am I missing?

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:01

serend - no I was not thinking I could live there for nothing. The reason I mentioned not having a mortage was because someone else said having 3 adults living with her she must need the financial help or really love me. So I was explaining she does not have a massive mortage that she needs help paying or anything.

OP posts:
Tortington · 20/04/2009 14:04

so you get £139.50 (ish) per week

you pay £40 pw for rent = £99.50

you buy food for two people at £35pw

leaves you a disposable income of

£64.50 pw

sounds good to me

SerendipitousHarlot · 20/04/2009 14:04

Well in that case, I would look into renting somewhere that housing benefit will pay for. Is there a reason that you can't do that?

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:07

As I said in my first post, I am not saying it is unreasonable to pay £40 per week to live at my mums, I was asking if it seemed reasonable compared to my cousin who is not her child and in full time work. And I am her daughter who is not in work at the moment.

I would have thought that being her child who is going through a difficult time that maybe I should be able to pay less rent then her nephew. But it seems as though everyone is just considering me to be another lodger and not her child.

Or maybe I am wrong to think if my dd was going through a hard time I would ask her to pay less then her cousin who is in full time work.

OP posts: