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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should pay less rent money to my mum?

75 replies

notoverit · 20/04/2009 13:43

I have had some problems recently and have to move back in with my mum.

I asked her how much rent does she want me to pay? She said she is unsure and I should suggest an amount. I said I would prefer it if she decided what she thought was fair.

When I lived at home before I paid £100 per month, including food. And I was working full time and earning a decent wage. When dd was born she said as I was not earning I could just buy my own food and not pay rent. But I moved out soon after that.

I am on benifits so do not get alot of money.

My cousin who is 35 and in full time work with a good wage pays £50 per week to live in my mums house and buys his own food.

My mum said she thought I should pay £40 per week and buy my own food. I'm not sure if that is reasonable considering my cousin lives there and pays only £10 more per week and is not her child and is earning a good wage.

Also her boyfriend lives there and she told me today he pays £50 per week and buys their food. I do not think this is true as before she told me he pays some bills and buys food.

So AIBU? I'm not saying she is but just asking for advice.

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 20/04/2009 14:08

Blimey, I've just totted up what you get!

£558 per month - £160 per month on rent leaves you £398! That's loads. You don't have to pay council tax or any other bills either?

In conclusion, yes I think YABVU.

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:09

I do not want to rent a flat that housing benifit will pay for as I am on the council list waiting to get a flat and if I rent a flat that will affect myplace on the list.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 20/04/2009 14:09

If that includes bills I would say it is very fair indeed

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:10

To be honest, when I look at it that way, it does seem like there is alot of money left over.

OP posts:
mumblechum · 20/04/2009 14:11

I think that how much your cousin is or isn't paying is not the important factor here. It's what it would be reasonable for you to pay, given that you get quite a large benefit chq.

Earlybird · 20/04/2009 14:11

Do you get on with your Mum?

As a single parent, you should not underestimate the advantage of being able to pop to the shops (or even go out in the evening) without dragging the dc with you, or hiring a babysitter (presumably your Mum might help in some ways with the dc?) If so, that is something (a big thing, imo) your Mum would do to help you (her child) that is not on offer to your cousin.

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:12

well that is how muh i have een getting, but now that i am moving in with my mum i could start getting less tax credits maybe due to circumstances changing.

OP posts:
tonybleh · 20/04/2009 14:13

I don't think you should compare to your cousin, as you may not necessarily know the full arrangement that your mom has with them.

Even thought your DM may not be paying for a mortgage, there are still other expenses such as water, council tax, gas and electricity, TV license etc., and presumably you won't be asked extra to pay for that?

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:14

Me and my mum do get on but we do have problems as well, I think my mum would help out abit with dd when we are living there.

OP posts:
Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:15

no my mum will not ask me to pay for the other bills, the same as my cousin will not be paying for other bills.

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 20/04/2009 14:18

Well then that's very reasonable imo. I certainly don't have almost £100 a week spare and I work full time!

TrillianAstra · 20/04/2009 14:21

I think your mum should charge your cousin a lot more. But that's not really relevant to your case.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 20/04/2009 14:23

notoverit, I don't mean to be nasty but although you are her "child" you are also an adult, with a child of your own. Why expect your mum to subsidise you?

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:24

Trillian - I think if she did charge my cousin more I would not have had a problem with paying £40 per week, I just feel considering both of our circumstances that we should not be paying very nearly the same amount.

If my neice was living with me and making alot of money I would think she should pay more then my dd who is not working??

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 20/04/2009 14:26

Well why don't you talk to your mum about it?

Can you imagine the conversation though? You are going to sound very petty if you say that you think your cousin should pay more. What you would do for your children is not the point here.

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:29

oldlady - I do not expect my mum to subsidise me, but she has always said if I need to come home if I am in trouble for any reason I can, and has always made out that she would help me out if need be.

But I feel that she is not doing anything different for me then she would as a normal lodger. Which would be fine if that were the case, but she will still be acting like she is doing me a massive favour, when actually I am just a lodger in her house that happens to be her daughter as well.

OP posts:
tiggerlovestobounce · 20/04/2009 14:30

She is doing you a massive favour isnt she?

Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:30

Trillian - exactly it would sound stupid to say why is he not paying more...

OP posts:
Original poster
notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:32

tigger - it is helping me out, but it is not something that she is doing as a special favour for me just because I am her daughter and she loves me. She is also doing the same favour for her nephew who she has never been really close to.

OP posts:
Tortington · 20/04/2009 14:33

you are paying for you and a kid

your mums dp and your cousin are a single person

so lets say you are each getting charged £20 pw for being there - thats less than your cousin or the partner - who should be complaining really?

kitsmummy · 20/04/2009 14:33

Perhaps as it's you and your dd you should pay double what your cousin does. As your cousin works they won't be in the house much, whereas you, on benefits, will be in the house most of the day I would imagine. Doesn't take a brain surgeon to realise you're onto a winner.

MuffinBaker · 20/04/2009 14:33

She is helping you out!!!

You have a home with your mother and do not have to fork out the true cost of living there.

Jeez.

Nekabu · 20/04/2009 14:38

I think you're being extremely cheeky. Your cousin is one person and will be out at work all day. There are two of you and you'll be at home a lot more, using the electricity/gas for 2 x baths, showers, washing, cooking, etc.

Also, why should your cousin have to pay more than you just because he is working and you are on benefits?

Tortington · 20/04/2009 14:39

"she always said I can come home if I need to."

yeah she loves you - she just wants some money too - its not either or

i love my son - but i want his money and i don't need it for anything specifically - but he should pay - cos well...he just should - its respectful

gagamama · 20/04/2009 14:39

But isn't she offering you lower rent anyway? £50pw for nephew and £40pw for you? That's a 20% discount on his rent, which sounds like it's 'mates rates' already. Plus there's two of you and only one of him. I don't know why you'd expect the rent at your mum's house to be means tested?!

I've been in the opposite situation where I was living in a house owned by my aunt, with my cousin, her boyfriend and their daughter, and when it came to light that I was paying much more than they were, it was horrible.