Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think I should pay less rent money to my mum?

75 replies

notoverit · 20/04/2009 13:43

I have had some problems recently and have to move back in with my mum.

I asked her how much rent does she want me to pay? She said she is unsure and I should suggest an amount. I said I would prefer it if she decided what she thought was fair.

When I lived at home before I paid £100 per month, including food. And I was working full time and earning a decent wage. When dd was born she said as I was not earning I could just buy my own food and not pay rent. But I moved out soon after that.

I am on benifits so do not get alot of money.

My cousin who is 35 and in full time work with a good wage pays £50 per week to live in my mums house and buys his own food.

My mum said she thought I should pay £40 per week and buy my own food. I'm not sure if that is reasonable considering my cousin lives there and pays only £10 more per week and is not her child and is earning a good wage.

Also her boyfriend lives there and she told me today he pays £50 per week and buys their food. I do not think this is true as before she told me he pays some bills and buys food.

So AIBU? I'm not saying she is but just asking for advice.

OP posts:

MuffinBaker · 20/04/2009 14:40

notoverit It really sounds as you feel like you sjhould get special treatment just because you are her daughter.

If you didn't pay anything (or not much) what would you do with the extra money you would have?

Maybe start saving to support yourself maybe?

gagamama · 20/04/2009 14:43

Plus surely if your cousin works full-time, he's actually in the house much less than you would be and therefore it's less of a intrusion?

Original poster

notoverit · 20/04/2009 14:44

I am not saying I think the price she suggested is extremely high, but I am just comparing it to our arrangement before when I was in the same situation as i am now and she said I did not have to pay any rent but buy my own food.

Also comparing it to when I worked full time and made alot of money and paid £100 per month including food. And comparing it to what my cousin pays who works full time and makes alot of money.

OP posts:

ellingwoman · 20/04/2009 14:46

You know the answer - stop comparing it. You're onto a winner don't spoil it.

nickschick · 20/04/2009 14:47

I think that at some point you have to move away from being your mothers child and become your mothers daughter - an adult who takes financial responsibility for herself.

I think you must be moving in with your mum to 'play' the system im not saying thats wrong but* I will say I think you are on to a good thing.

by play the system I mean no offence just that obviously with 4 aduts in the house and a child the house will become overcrowded therefore you get extra 'points' towards a council house.

I think this can only really be a short term thing as obviously you are uncomfartable with the 'rent' thing.

Samantha28 · 20/04/2009 14:52

I think its a good deal. £100 a week spare is more than many people who work.And you are expecting some help( I assume babysitting) too for the money.

If you are not happy with the arrangement you should find someone else to lodge with.

gagamama · 20/04/2009 14:53

If you had such strong ideas about what you wanted to pay (ie. less than your cousin and less than when you used to live there and work full-time) then why didn't you suggest a suitable amount when she asked you? You've made a rod for your own back by asking her what she thought was fair. It sounds like you're not so much upset about the cost of the rent but the fact that she hasn't suggested something that gives you obvious preferential treatment and makes you feel a bit special and loved. I'm guessing you've not had a great time of things recently?

sugarpear · 20/04/2009 15:03

My ds who is 19 in full time employment pays me £20 per week food and bills included and he thinks he has it bad!!!

But thats me the way i see it he has to know he needs to pay something as life isnt a free ride and maybe he should pay more but his got years ahead of him earning a wage to support himself and hopefully a wife and kids at some point. So for now i want him to be able to enjoy himself. And he really does work hard. And his paying for all his own driving lessons. So part of me thinks £40 per week plus food is a little much but its your mums house and thats what she has decided is fair. So reasonable or unreasonable. You really dont have much choice and if it wasnt for your mum where would you and your lo be living?

PinkTulips · 20/04/2009 15:09

nooverit... your cousin is one person... a grown male who presumably goes put with friends alot on top of working so isn't much bother.

you are 2 people, yourself and your daughter... a noisy destructive toddler and all the accumulated crap that comes with a kid. you're not working so will be there in the house for vast majority of your time.

if anything you should pay more than your cousin as having you living there with your daughter is far bigger an imposition than having him there.

TrillianAstra · 20/04/2009 15:18

Sugarpear I think you are being had

PinkTulips · 20/04/2009 15:23

definitely

poor dp started work at 13 earning £1 an hour for summer and weekend work and his parents took £10 a week (mid 90's)

when he left school at 15 to work fulltime in the same job she started taking £30 a week he paid more in rent than he kept for himself!

Kewcumber · 20/04/2009 16:30

"But I feel that she is not doing anything different for me then she would as a normal lodger" Really?

Perhaps rates are a lot cheaper around your way but where I am you would no way get a room for adult and child with all bills except foood included for £40 a week, its AT LEAST a 50% reduction on "normal" rates

MuffinBaker · 20/04/2009 16:37

Why should she do anything different?

When I was 17 and first working I had to pay £100 a month and I assuming we all paid the same.

This was 20 years ago and was about a 1/4 of my salary.

Original poster

notoverit · 20/04/2009 16:43

nickschick - moving in with my mum has nothing to do with playing the system, as I have already been accepted onto the housing list and moving in with my mum will not change that, or the length of time I spend on the register.

gagamama - no I have had a really shit time recently, but I am not looking for my mum to make me feel so special and loved. She wouldn't do that even if I wanted her to, which I dont. I just thought being her daughter would mean more then being her nephew or another lodger.

Kewcumber - I fully understand that it is cheaper then sharing in a normal house, but I am saying my mum is bascially charging her nephew the same, and probably would anyone else that she decided to let live in her house.

OP posts:

Ripeberry · 20/04/2009 16:47

When i lived with my parents from the age of 18yr old until i moved in with my future husband i used to pay my parents 20% of my wages.
But at the time it was still cheaper to live at home than getting a bedsit.

Nekabu · 20/04/2009 16:55

"I just thought being her daughter would mean more then being her nephew or another lodger."

"but I am saying my mum is bascially charging her nephew the same, and probably would anyone else that she decided to let live in her house."

NO SHE ISN'T! Stop ignoring all the posts where people are pointing out that there are two of you! You are going to be at home all day, using the utilities for 2 x baths/showers/washing/cooking/etc. whilst your cousin is out at work all day and when he is at home will be using the utilities for just 1 x the above. You are paying less rent for more people!

Kewcumber · 20/04/2009 17:14

and you do understand that £40 is less than £50? I gather you don't think is less enough but I gather you don't think a 20% discount is enough.

Given that you feel so strongly about it, I'm a bit baffled about why you didn't suggest an amount when she suggested it.

ellingwoman · 20/04/2009 17:16

I think if I was the cousin I'd be asking for a reduction. No hot water, no peace, tripping over toys...

smudgethepuppydog · 20/04/2009 18:41

My DD is 18, she works full time and is frequently telling me I don't take enough rent from her (she pays roughly 25% of her income), she realises that if she was living in her own place she'd have far less disposable income than she does now.

Portofino · 20/04/2009 18:55

25% of your income for board and lodging (bills included) is fab! Leaving 75% to spend on what you want!

oldraver · 20/04/2009 20:01

Can I come and live with your Mum... sounds like a fab deal.. My council tax is more than the miserly amount you were paying your Mum when you were in full time work

alibubbles · 20/04/2009 21:13

My DD 21 and DS 20 were paying £50 a week each and that was just from temporary jobs in holidays. It teaches them the value of money, and the true cost of living is a lot more as they found out when they left home!

SerendipitousHarlot · 20/04/2009 22:29

Come on, OP, just admit it, you thought she was going to say you didn't have to pay anything, didn't you?

MadameCastafiore · 20/04/2009 22:36

You are already getting a 20% discount on what your cousin is being charged!

Frankly I would be thrilled that I was paying so little out of the money I was getting for doing naff all anyway!

Juxal · 20/04/2009 22:48

For heaven's sake, you are paying £40 for two of you. Your cousin is paying £50 for one. I think your mum is being eminently reasonable.

You're just going to have to budget (though you will have more disposable income than we do, and many of our friends).

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread