To think it's depressing that everyone seems to think after this recession we should just return to exactly how things were?

[kake]

Does anyone else get this sense? What I mean is that everybody is lamenting this recession, quite rightly as it's awful, and I feel for everyone who has lost their job or is struggling.

But on the other hand there doesn't seem to be an acceptance that in some ways this has been at least a little bit caused by complete over-consumption in the good times and that we need to change our ways a little bit. Or a lot. When people talk about house prices especially, the consensus always seems to be that if there's any talk about a recovery that must be a positive thing, with the implication that we should be getting back to stupidly inflated house prices as soon as possible.

I find it depressing, as someone who didn't buy partly because we couldn't really afford it but also because we were really cautious and didn't want to overstretch ourselves. But now we're seeing a lot of friends who did somehow being rewarded as their mortgages have been slashed.

I'm also someone who wishes that taxes had been much higher for what I consider to be well paid people (and that would include my DH!) during the boom, so that there hadn't been such a disparity in income in this country then. It's a shame that higher tax levels in future will have to pay off debt not contribute to the national benefit! If I mention this to (well paid) friends they look at me as if I'm mad, although they are people who in principle I think sort of do believe in equality, just not if it affects their/our pockets. My view is that as satisfaction with income is largely relative (ie it matters more to people apparently that they get paid more than their neighbour than their absolute wealth), then if everybody is taxed more at higher income levels, then we'd all be in the same boat and it wouldn't make much difference.

But I feel like I'm STILL swimming against the tide, just when I would have thought more people would begin to feel like this. We have lots of friends who work in the banking sector for example who've been through a bit of a rocky time but now seem to be out the other side and better off than ever and sort of with no lessons learned!

It just seems ... so wrong! Or maybe I just got out of bed on the wrong side. And this post isn't as articulate as I would have hoped!

Well low energy we're having a 6 month forced holiday so burnt out isn't how I'd describe myself or DH right now.

And isn't the point that you can only afford to go part time because you've paid off the house/car or you own nothing and therefore will work all your life and have nothing to show for it and expect others to support you in your old age ?

Lets hope you never get ill or any of your kids the problem with deals and bargains is real life often gets in the way Enjoy your holiday

Sorento - you are funny. I know you are half joking when you say these things - but I am just not sure which half. I bet thats what keeps DH on his toes as well.

Sorrento in law the assets and debts in whoever's name are added up and then the starting point is divided by two. Doesn't matter whose name they are in IF but only if you are married. If there isn't much money then 50% for the lower earner wont' be enough but where there are largish amounts then that will be so so plenty of people have to sell a house and downsize in divorce so that each partner has a place for teh chdilren to stay during those times when the children are with them.

Xenia I am aware of the law in theory but as I said before DH has an asset that is worth more than the house to him and we have an agreement that basically I don't demand 50% of that on the basis that he forfeits the claim to our property, we both also have pensions, savings, shares etc and it's a case of you keep yours and I'll keep mine.
DH paid off his ex wife's mortgage in full and they didn't even have children together so I have no reason to doubt he'd honor our arrangement.

Well if you were to dump him for a richer man a life partner better able to share your aspirations then I think you may find him less willing to be honourable. Of course new blokes money might make that moot point in any case?

If I was dumping him for a richer man I wouldn't give a monkeys would I lol

Oh ok then but you said 'There needs to be balance in any relationship, I couldn't be a kept woman long term' - so I naturally assumed you would be wanting to take your uber-pad with you to pastures new and therefore thought it worth mentioning that your very reasonable and loaded with valuable non-property assets ex might not see things your way.

You've given this far too much thought on the basis that I won't be getting divorced anytime soon, good of you to consider all angles though and if the time comes I'll let ya know how I get on.

Well thats what Mumsnet is here for - to provide the answers as needed!

I'm worried you know something I don't now - should I have Xenia lined up on a retainer

Tricky - she won't come cheap! The lass has got to pay her mortgage after all!

I bet she'd be worth it though

Depends who divorces whom (and the recession). The person being dumped may well not stick to a verbal agreement, disappear the other asset, spend their savings and then and claim half the house and other assets may be but hopefully not or like that man recently in one divorce case find the whole of his other asset is worthless so his wife had got 105% of their joint assets! but in his case he was too late to get all that changed. or the good few men I've had dinner with who sit there telling me (as if it were a seduction tactic) that they've hidden their assets off shore or someone I know who moved to Thailand so his wife got nothing. Or the men who give up work after divorce when they ahve a new wife with their new wife so that their income is zero so child support is zero (as the new wife's income isn't taken account of). But hopefully people aren't tricky like that although women giving upwork to live off male earnings run these risks.

Interesting conversation about divorce law.

In France, couples can choose to get married under one of several "regimes" - La Communaute Universelle (where all assets are pooled, whether acquired before or during marriage), La Separation Des Biens (where each party leaves the marriage with assets under their own name), etc.

Here in Monaco, the default system is Separation Des Biens (wonder why) - little need for prenuptial agreements, unless you deliberately choose another system.