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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think he is not telling the truth..and to think he must think I am really stupid to believe him?

75 replies

ishetellingthetruth · 17/04/2009 19:05

Long story short:

Dh went out last night for a meal with his mates as one of them is moving away next week.

Before he left I said I'd probably be in bed when he got home as not feeling that great.

Anyway, he came home earlier than expected and I was still up. So we were just chatting about his evening and half watching the tv, when a reminder flashed up, for a porn film which was about to start on another channel (obviously porn from the title)

I said whats that, and he mumbled nothing and said his foot had caught the remote control and then we had a discussion where in the end I got the remote to see what had been set as a reminder, and yes, there is a porn film set to start at 11pm last night. He completely looked me in the eye and denied it wasn't him.

So after another 'discussion' he finally said, yes alright it was him, but he only set it as a joke for me..that I would be watching tv on my own as he would be out and it would be funny if a porn film started.

Anyway he now won't budge from this story and I am really pi**ed of that he is lying. I KNOW he is lying, why would anyone set a porn film to come on as a 'joke' to their wife? Especially when I had already said I would probably have an early night??

Haven't even addressed the whole porn issue in my head yet, still stuck on the lying. We have been together 6 years and until now he has never mentioned porn, I've never seen him read it or watch it before.

So IABU to think he is lying? And that really he thought he'd come home from his meal, I'd be in bed and that he could watch it? And what does that say about our relationship?

OP posts:

MadameCastafiore · 17/04/2009 19:10

I think you need to question your relationship a bit more in that he would lie to you over something so trivial. WHy would he go to such great lengths to lie about this? Have you mentioned any negative feelings you have towards porn in the past or done anything that would make him think that you see it in a negative light?

Gentle · 17/04/2009 19:12

Yes I think he was fibbing (poorly) to cover up the fact that he fancied a bit of porn time by himself.

I think it's a shame that he feels he has to lie about it. A partner wanting to watch an occassional solo porn movie is nothing to worry about IMO.

Nancy66 · 17/04/2009 19:13

Yep he's lying but he's dug himself a hole and can't get out of it so he's sticking to his dumbass story. men are a bit thick like that.

Doodle2U · 17/04/2009 19:14

He's embarrassed.

I'd leave this TBH. It's going to grow legs and start walking towards a mammouth row and it isn't worth it.

YanknCock · 17/04/2009 19:15

I don't think it's a matter of him thinking you're stupid, he was probably just hoping the matter could be dropped as you clearly have an issue with him watching porn by himself.

AnnieLobeseder · 17/04/2009 19:15

How do you feel about porn? Are you against it? Does he know how you feel? Because if you've made it clear that you think porn is disgusting, I can see why he'd try to hide it from you. Or perhaps he's simply ashamed of liking porn. Obviously it's better if couples are honest with each other, but sometimes, if you're ashamed of something, or know your OH will disapprove, you feel you have to hide it. I hide cakes and chocolate from my DH, because I'm ashamed of how much I eat. It reflects more on me than on him or the strength of our relationship.

I know cakes and porn aren't really the same thing but hopefully you get the idea.

TV porn is rubbish anyway! DH and I tried a film once and it hardly showed anything! Waste of blardy money if you ask me!

Original poster

ishetellingthetruth · 17/04/2009 19:16

The porn tbh has been a complete shock as he has never expressed a desire to watch it...and I therefore have never had to think about whether or not I would want him too.

Not sure really. Is it normal for all men to watch it?

I don't think I'm that comfortable with it actually.

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 17/04/2009 19:17

completely normal.
I wouldn't believe any bloke that says he doesn't/wouldn't/hasn't looked at jazz mag or a watched a porno.

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 19:17

No, it isn't normal for all men to watch it. Although there's a vociferous minority on MN who will tell you that any man who says he doesn't like porn is lying

I wouldn't be very chuffed about it either, and I especially hate being lied to. I don't think I would be able to just drop it.

YanknCock · 17/04/2009 19:18

Not ALL men, but a lot do!

AnnieLobeseder · 17/04/2009 19:18

Men are visual creatures and as a rule they like porn. Sad but true. That being said, I know quite a few women who like it too, if it's better quality stuff with at least an attempt at a story and a bit of imagination.

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 19:20

"men are visual creatures" that is such rubbish. Men are not interchangeable - they don't all function in exactly the same way - they are people, not goldfish

AnnieLobeseder · 17/04/2009 19:20

Seems a little odd to me that in the 6 years you've been together porn has never come up. But then neither DH nor I are British and the whole world knows how sexually oppressed you Brits are . Excpet MNers, as today's bumsex thread proves!! LOL!!

AnnieLobeseder · 17/04/2009 19:21

Goodness Greensleeves, you're a feisty one!

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 19:22

pmsl, sorry

MuffinBaker · 17/04/2009 19:22

And there's another generalisation.

Original poster

ishetellingthetruth · 17/04/2009 19:22

Greensleaves thats how I feel.

Thought dh wasn't like that, obviously he is. And I'm now wondering how manu other times he has watched it behind my back

OP posts:

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 19:23

It's the sneaking around/childish lying that would rile me. I don't want to be forced into the position of disapproving parent without even being consulted. Although I woudn't be best pleased about the porn either, frankly.

moondog · 17/04/2009 19:26

Blimey, leave the poor man be and allow him a shred of dignity. He hasn't murdered anyone, he just wants to have a few drinks and watch a bit of shagging. Is that so bad???

Original poster

ishetellingthetruth · 17/04/2009 19:26

I'm wondering why so many men in relationships think it's ok to watch porn.

Why is it ok?

I think I may be in a minority to think that as well. Maybe I'm a prude

OP posts:

AnnieLobeseder · 17/04/2009 19:26

Would agree with you about the sneaking though, Greensleeves.

Just asked DH if he thinks all men like porn. His reply: "Of course, except maybe gay ones. Men are visual". I rest my case.

DandyLioness · 17/04/2009 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Sassybeast · 17/04/2009 19:27

I think this has the potential to become a much bigger issue than it is really. Can understand why you are pissed off with him telling a porkie but can also understand that he may have just been embarassed, especially if you've never discussed using or not using porn. He may suspect that you would object and therefore felt the need to cover up ?

Think about why him watching porn upsets you ? Are those reasons something that you can talk to him about ?

I wouldn't give him to much hassle though - lots of perfectly normal, boring every day folk (male and female) watch porn without any major issues.

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 19:27

Dignity? He's behaving like a pimply 14yo who's just found his dick

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 19:28

You don't think he might be giving you the line he knows you're expecting Annie?

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