to think he is not telling the truth..and to think he must think I am really stupid to believe him?

[ishetellingthetruth]

Long story short:

Dh went out last night for a meal with his mates as one of them is moving away next week.

Before he left I said I'd probably be in bed when he got home as not feeling that great.

Anyway, he came home earlier than expected and I was still up. So we were just chatting about his evening and half watching the tv, when a reminder flashed up, for a porn film which was about to start on another channel (obviously porn from the title)

I said whats that, and he mumbled nothing and said his foot had caught the remote control and then we had a discussion where in the end I got the remote to see what had been set as a reminder, and yes, there is a porn film set to start at 11pm last night. He completely looked me in the eye and denied it wasn't him.

So after another 'discussion' he finally said, yes alright it was him, but he only set it as a joke for me..that I would be watching tv on my own as he would be out and it would be funny if a porn film started.

Anyway he now won't budge from this story and I am really pi**ed of that he is lying. I KNOW he is lying, why would anyone set a porn film to come on as a 'joke' to their wife? Especially when I had already said I would probably have an early night??

Haven't even addressed the whole porn issue in my head yet, still stuck on the lying. We have been together 6 years and until now he has never mentioned porn, I've never seen him read it or watch it before.

So IABU to think he is lying? And that really he thought he'd come home from his meal, I'd be in bed and that he could watch it? And what does that say about our relationship?

Be glad he has a healthy interest in the topic. I'd worry more if he didn't.

I have asked DH and he says, assuming that it's "hardcore" action not eurotrash or page 3 or something, about 75% of men "like" porn.

So that's a statistical fact

ishetellingthetruth they think it's ok because they can divorce their emotions from sex. It really doesn't reflect on you or your relationship in any shape or form.

Some normal men like porn, some normal men don't like porn.

Many men if not the majority like porn. I don't see the problem with it.

I'm happy for my partner to watch porn,asked him and have been assured it's just normal sexual stuff.I think if he didn't have porn he'd be pestering me constantly!
However, if you really hate the idea of it, sit him down and talk, maybe set some lim its as to what you do and don't agree with?

There's nothing wrong with a bit of porn and it doesn't say anything about your relationship.

I enjoy a bit of porn now and then, as does DH, both together and apart.

I would be upset that he lied about it, but not upset that he wanted to watch it.

everGreenSleeves - my DH isn't the type to tell people what he thinks they want to hear. He tells it straight up every time! One of the many reasons I love him!

I guess I'm disappointed in him for lying and in wanting to watch it as well.

My main concern is that I DO NOT look anything like these women, especially with my post ds body, so feel a bit insecure about it.

I think that the issue isn't how anyone feels about porn except you, ishetellingthetruth.

If you are uncomfortable with it, you need to try and understand why. Then address that with your DH.

There are many reasons people don't like porn, from concerns about exploitation to religious reasons to fundamental disgust to not liking the idea of their partner getting off looking at other women.

Whatever the reason is it needs to be addressed between you.

Do yuo think people never lie to each other or twist the truth or like looking at other people just because they are committed to each other? Wake up and smell the coffee lady.

I find all of this 'My dh would never look at another woman even though I am 18 stone, only have one pair of trakkie bottoms that fit and haven't left the house in weeks' really tiresome.

They are humans not robots.

It seems that most women on here are happy for their dp/dh to watch porn.

I'm really shocked tbh.

I can't see what the big deal is.
they're WATCHING it - they're not out doing it.

Why are you shocked? There are women who enjoy porn too.

There is nothing wrong with it, I used to hate the thought of my DH watching/looking at it but that was due to my insecurities and how I saw myself. How could I ever compete with those flat stomach full breasted women with no stretch marks? Three kids later I'm worse for wear...

He used to come out with all sorts of excuses, it was his friends, it was on when he switched over etc, but due to his fear of how I saw him.

I know, but I just feel so hurt by it, that I'm not enough.

(And no moondog, I don't weigh 18 stone and go around in tracksuit bottoms either!)

You are enough, there is nothing like the real thing. Its not just your intelligence and wit he married you for.

I must admit that I was never particularly keen on porn, mainly because of feelings of insecurity and exclusion...

That was when I was younger, now DH and I watch porn together sometimes and I like the websites with erotic stories as well.

For me it's been something I've grown into as I've become more open and happy sexually.

I don't believe that any reasonable man would look at porn and then compare his real life partner unfavourably, porn is a fantasy, and that's all.

God thats so normal, honestly.
If I was at home at 11pm and a reminder popped up for a porn film, I'd immediately think 'typical ' and take the piss out of DH for leaving it for me to see.

Men watch porn. THats life

For eg I have fantasies about certain situations which I like to read explicit stories about and to a lesser extent see other people enact in porn films.

I would never in a million years want to take part in those activities in real life.

I am sure it is the same for your DH. he does not actually want to have sex with other people, he is just exploring fantasies.

No woman is ever enough, ishe. Men look at other women. Women look at other men.

He's married/partnered. He's not dead. And he has eyes.

I agree with moondog. You (generic you, not you specifically) are naive if you think your DH never looks at another woman. Even if you're 110 lbs soaking wet with huge breasts.

All men look. And yes, it is all men. And all women.

ishetellingthetruth I think you've identified the problem in your last post there. I expect your partner knew that it would hurt you, and that's why he found it easier to tell a jokey, rubbish lie than admit to you that he has (what appears to be a very rare) urge to watch mild porn (and TV porn is the vanilla icecream of porn).

I expect he's feeling a right lemon as well, if this is the first time the issue of porn/masturbation has cropped up for you both.

If it's a surprise to you, then it probably does hurt your feelings, but I'd suggest you sit with that for a little bit before tackling him about it. He will probably be very defensive and embarrassed, which can be a tinderbox.