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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Storing other ppls crap. AIBU

18 replies

valleysprincess · 15/04/2009 11:33

to feel slightly taken the piss out of when I now have both my sister in laws storing stuff at my house without asking me properly? They asked my partner who said yet because he is dim and doesn't appreciate the concept of space. I now have an attic full of crap, plus someone elses clothes hanging in the wardrobe and every day I find more bits.

Am i being old fashioned by thinking that if you want to store stuff in another womans house then you should ask the woman in that house-rather than the male partner?

OP posts:

tessofthedurbervilles · 15/04/2009 11:35

YABU she asked your partner which surely is enough? I assume it it his house too?

BunnyLebowski · 15/04/2009 11:36

Don't necessarily agree that the woman of the house should be asked - You should both have been asked and then come to a decision together.

I would be pissed off at having to store other peoples stuff.

Ask them nicely to come and get their stuff as you need the space. Simple as.

Wizzska · 15/04/2009 11:38

It isn't her fault that your partner is a twat for saying yes. Totally NBU about not wanting to store other people's crap though. Have have done that in the past and it is really annoying.

Simplysally · 15/04/2009 11:39

It is his house too but having said that, if it's impinging on your space, then ask them to move it - give them the phone number for a local storage depot.

I'd offer to help them move it as well - to get shot of it sooner.

Original poster

valleysprincess · 15/04/2009 11:41

Yes Tess we both own the house. Yes they asked my partner who only remembered to tell me when it was too late. He's not devious he's just got his head in the clouds (very academic not at all practical)

The AIBU was more to do with the asking the woman part. I was trying to gauge whether I was being a loony. The way I was brought up I would always ask the woman first about matters of home/children. Sounds sexist I know.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 15/04/2009 11:47

he should have checked with you first but I don't see that they should have asked you - makes more sense for them to ask their brother, tbh. And if it needs to be got rid of, and you wish to maintain some kind of friendly relations with your SILs, then you need to get HIM to tell them it's no longer convenient or you will be seen as the Bad Person.

Shambolic · 15/04/2009 11:48

It does sound sexist and there will be uproar on this thread!

Having said that if I wanted to store something at my parent's house I would ask my mum, not my dad (he would say ask your mum anyway) and if someone asked DH if they could store something at our house he would come and ask me.

So speaking from a practical perspective, of how things work in your household, rather than an ideal one where partners took equal responsibility for household stuff and never agreed to anything silly, I would say YANBU...

vezzie · 15/04/2009 11:49

They probably asked him because they knew he would say yes and you would not! So out of order because they are being manipulative, not because the house is the woman's domain. That logic leads to untold pain and heartache. Move away from it now.

Rachel2796 · 15/04/2009 11:49

Maybe they knew you would say no so they asked him instead?

Original poster

valleysprincess · 15/04/2009 11:51

I supposed this general loonacy is set against the context of 12 months of simmering irritation. SL2 lived with us for the past 6 months (she moved out last month). I'm a very chilled out and accommodating person usually but I suppose I feel as if she 'took over' while she was living her. I even got home one day to find that she had rearranged my kitchen cupboards! Now I know she was trying to be helpful but she rearranged them to suit her 6'1" self rather than my 5.3 self. I also overheard her complaining to dh that there was not enough fresh veg in the fridge (like he cares lol)

Thing is I shop at the farm shop 2 days in advance so there is only enough veg for 2 days at any given time. I also only buy fresh things that are in season. Anything else I buy frozen i.e peas, broadbeans.

She shops 2 weeks in advance which leads to a lot of food wastage. She'd trot off to the supermarket (taking DH's card with her) and buy about £100 worth of food which consisted of stuff like beansproats, salad items, watermelons etc (you get the picture) they all went off before we could use them.

Ok sounds petty maybe I need to get a grip lol

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 15/04/2009 11:54

not really petty to be frank - grown women sharing a kitchen can be a total nightmare - I'm impressed that you lasted 6m! I am worried about staying with my MIL for 6 weeks (and I like her) because of this sort of thing.

Bit rude, to change your kitchen to suit herself. She should certainly have asked you first about that one, assuming that you "do" most of the kitchen stuff.

IneedAbetterNickname · 15/04/2009 12:02

My friend re-arranged my kitchen once, she was only staying for a week to look after the rabbit while we were camping! She said it made more 'sense' the way she did it!

In regards to your OP, YAB slightly U to think you have the final say regarding a joint house. My DP has no concept of space, he wants to buy DS1 a drum kit (quite where it goes in our small terraced house I don't know) However, he would ask me if I was OK with stuff being stored here, and vice-versa. Not because I am the woman and it's my house, but because we are a partnership.

Original poster

valleysprincess · 15/04/2009 12:07

Thumbwitch: It has been more of a nightmare than I ever envisaged. Although to be fair to her she has no idea of my irritation with her so I should have been more assertive. I THINK she's trying to be useful but she's getting under my feet. Before she lived with us, my other SIL and her family were living with us for about 9months and before that another relative.

Vezzie: I really do understand what you are saying-honest! I'm honestly not downtrodden though.

I'm not working at the moment so the balance has changed. I took on the house out of choice and after the stress of my job i've found it really enjoyable to be on maternity leave-pottering around. However it's difficult when people get in the way of your pottering.

OP posts:

Original poster

valleysprincess · 15/04/2009 12:08

Ineedabetternickname:were you cool with her re-arranging?

OP posts:

IneedAbetterNickname · 15/04/2009 12:10

NO, I was seriously pissed off! It took me ages to find anything, and then I had to spend a whole evening putting things back where I like them!

Shambolic · 15/04/2009 12:11

Oh god valleysprincess I feel your pain...

My DH is v tall and forever putting things I need a lot on high shelves or sometimes on the top of the cupboards FGS. I mean I have a stepladder but bloody hell...

It was v rude to rearrange your kitchen, to slag off your shopping style and to waltz off to the supermarket to buy loads of impratical stuff with your DH's card.... I would have been ready to murder...

FWIW I shop like you - I couldn't do a week or two week shop if I tried - I like having everything fresh and to know it will get used

Original poster

valleysprincess · 15/04/2009 12:19

Shambolic, it's a pain. I spend a lot of time in the day balancing on stools or crawling over worktops.

Also re the shopping, i've got it down to an art. I can't stand the thought of anything being wasted.

Also I spent some time as a teenager working on farms and I know that the 'fresh' food sold in supermarkets (even if it is from the UK) spends a considerable amount of time in cold storage. Most of the apples we buy in the big shops are already 6 months old. So her concept of 'fresh' food is bollocks. Better off buying frozen a lot of the time if you can't get to a local farmers market.

Pah! How dare she look down on my frozen runner beans!

OP posts:

Shambolic · 15/04/2009 12:26

Have you rearranged your kitchen back?

Not good climbing around etc if you're pg (although I do it!).

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