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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman should not rely on the council?

109 replies

tessofthedurbervilles · 13/04/2009 08:26

A woman I got chatting to disclosed that her and her five kids were going to be evicted from her house due to complaints from neighbours about their anti social behaviour. Her whole attitude was one of it being someone elses' fault and responsibilty 'the council won't rehouse me' how dare they.
Nobody with 5 kids should be thrown out on to the street but her whole attitude was that her and her brood were someone else's responsibility.
I suggested she look for somewhere pdq but she looked at me blankly and said 'if I sleep in my car and the press get wind of it they will have to do something'
Is it me? AIBU to think your kids, love, your problem....move over Jeremy Kyle..I'm after your job!

OP posts:
hercules1 · 13/04/2009 08:30

I'm not sure how a single parent (assuming this you've mentioned no partner) with 5 kids is meant to find somewhere to rent herself without support???

cornsilk · 13/04/2009 08:32

What had they done? How old are the children?

Mspontipine · 13/04/2009 08:33

Like the rest of us single parents - beg, pray, long for, wish and try to keep the faith that finally you will find somewhere to make a home for your family.

EachPAQUESPearMum · 13/04/2009 08:36

hercules1- your comment is very odd. Why wouldn't she be able to look for acommodation? She will have been given a notice period.

Original poster
tessofthedurbervilles · 13/04/2009 08:36

She could try looking for a house to rent, I think single parents (I am one) should be given some support but, at the end of the day, I would never dream of thinking someone else should be responsible for the roof over my head.
Anti social behaviour - shouting swearing, throwing stones at the neighbours houses and the kids were just as bad..

OP posts:
Natt82 · 13/04/2009 08:37

The council say they wont rehouse you if you are evicted for any reason of your own - though they also say on their website here that ASBOs give you more points?

Even if they are a couple with 5 kids they'd probably struggle to find a house privately renting.

We're a couple with 2 kids, and for various reasons are currently in the process of being made homeless and going on the council list - believe me we have looked at every other alternative, and there isnt one. And surely thats what council housing is for?

The council will eventually rehouse them I'm sure - cant imagine them letting a family of 6/7 sleep rough or in a car. But then we dont know the whole ins and outs of it.

hercules1 · 13/04/2009 08:38

THe thought of having 5 kids fills me with . I cant imagine being able to leave the house never mind look for one! I struggle with 2! Still I guess that says more about me than anything else!!!

purepurple · 13/04/2009 08:40

YANBU
some people do not take any responsibility for themselves
she deserves to get evicted
maybe she should have brought her kids up better, then she wouldn't be in this position
life is not a free ride
and that's a lesson her children need to learn as well

conniedescending · 13/04/2009 08:40

not just single parents that may struggle to find a home for their family.

Also, sounds like this woman has already been housed in a family home and has abused that priviledge. I'd be tempted to agree with the OP and say she should find herself a place.

YANBU - this is a case of entitilement rather than need.

citronella · 13/04/2009 08:41

Yanbu to think the attitude is misguided. I too get riled by that attitude.

The problem is she does have those 5 kids and they can't be left out in the cold there's nothing we can do about that now. I have no idea how to fix that as it's a whole system/group of attitudes that needs fixing. But where do you draw the line and where do you start?

nempnetthrubwell · 13/04/2009 08:45

I only have one child but have been alone and on benifits and i couldnt find anywhere that would accept housing benifit. It can be really hard to find non council accomodation, in the end i was able to rent from a friend but most people wouldnt have that option.

conniedescending · 13/04/2009 08:49

I agree citronella that the idea of having 5 kids on the streets is awful. The system itself is at fault and breeds this kind of entitlement thinking........but not re-housing them and getting the parent/s to step up and take responsibility would be an important lesson.

sleeplessinstretford · 13/04/2009 08:53

jesus christ-if she's struggling (and she clearly is) then how would becoming homeless help matters? i accept we need to be responsible for our own kids but you know what? sometimes you need to get out your ivory towers and work out how to help people practically rather than bleating that she's a shit mum/crap parent etc etc. Unless someone does something then those five kids are going to have another five kids and so the cycle goes on...have some compassion.It's not how i'd choose to live nor would it be what i would want for my kids but that's her life and someone should do something to stop the cycle.

Longtalljosie · 13/04/2009 08:54

Speaking as a member of the fourth estate, you can tell her from me that if she's expecting a "poor, put upon woman, how awful she was evicted" article she may well be in for a surprise...

"shouting swearing, throwing stones at the neighbours houses and the kids were just as bad.."

I started reading this sentence assuming it was the kids, and when I got to the end and realised it was her I nearly choked on my tea...

whoingodsnameami · 13/04/2009 08:54

Erm, not sure if its the same all over the country, but if this woman is evicted and not rehoused immediately, social services will put the children into foster care until she can provide a home for them.

sleeplessinstretford · 13/04/2009 09:13

well that'll help the situation a lot wont it everyone? i agree that there's a problem here but someone has to do something/help the family to address the situation-who does anyone suggest now we've all lobbed verbal stones at her? Don't get me wrong she sounds like an arsehole but seriously-if that's the mother how would you anticipate the kids behaving???

Nancy66 · 13/04/2009 09:25

Speaking as somebody that has had nuisance neighbours - it is absolutely hell.

Being council tenants she would have had so many warnings before the eviction notice - propably over a two year period or so. This will not have come out of the blue.

Why should other people have to have their quality of life ruined by selfish, stupid people?

citronella · 13/04/2009 09:25

So sleeplessinstretford what would be your solution?

And do those "ivorytowers" include other single mums who didn't start out as single mums when they had the kids, who only actually conceived the number of children they know they could support, and who work bloody hard to feed, clothe and house them and pay taxes enough to keep the not so responsible ones fed, clothed and housed? What more do you expect them to do? Of course they're going to be p**d off.

purepurple · 13/04/2009 09:27

so we reward her for her bad parenting by providing her with a free house and carte blance to behave as badly as she likes?
sorry, but people like this need to realise there are consequences for their anti-social behaviour

maybe the kids would be better off in care?

sarah293 · 13/04/2009 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sleeplessinstretford · 13/04/2009 09:37

as an single mother for ten years who lived in the middle of a shitehole estate and went to work every day (wheeling my eldest daughter to nursery and leaving my neighbours kids playing in the street still in their nighttime nappies drinking bottles of tea while their parents were in bed with curtains drawn as they never had to get up for work cos what's a fucking job??) i fully sympathise with everyone points of views-however as a member of the human race i am trying to take a broader view on this and ask who is going to sort out the offspring of people like this to ensure that this stops? someone has to do something-and if not us now then who?when? she may need suppport (she clearly does)maybe the kids would be better off in care?is it not better to find a way for her to become a better parent\person and keep her housed with her children or shall we chuck the whole lot of them to the dogs as WE PAY FUCKING TAXES and so are entitled to be outraged-it's a cycle, and if not addressed then you can scale this problem up by five for when her kids do likewise-and then on and on...
and to be honest i am not sure having a roof over the head of six people is 'a reward'but keep doing the snorting indignation-it's a very daily mail look and goes well with your dressing gown...

psychomum5 · 13/04/2009 09:39

she needs a kick up the backside to make her see that being a parent is about having respect and taking responsibility.

she sounds like one of those who blame society, the schools, the childrens friends, the midwives, the HV.......everyone but herself for the fact that the children are growing up so badly.

and she is worse by the sounds of things.

we have had bad neighbours in the past. two were evicted last year (woohoo), one family has taken note of the letters (and we know she has had them as all her enighbours get them too so that we are aware of her threatened eviction and we get given a number to ring (with a ref no) so that if they misbehave we can ring and let them know. it is a long process..............they have to cause hell for a long time before they even get threatened with eviction, let alone get to the stage whereby they ARE getting evicted. If she is at that stage now, she must have been causing hell for a good 4yrs plus!

she has only herself to blame, and sadly, she is passing the trend in to another generation

TotalChaos · 13/04/2009 09:40

yanbu. agree with psychomum and others.

purepurple · 13/04/2009 09:44

sleepless, how can you help people who won't help themselves?

sleeplessinstretford · 13/04/2009 09:51

what is the alternative please someone as this is not an isolated case is it?
i have been doing bits and bobs of volunteering stuff with homestart and can see that it makes a difference-i don't endorse what she's doing but if you/we could maybe try and offer the hand of support to people then you know,it does make a difference a bit.At the end of the day we are all on the planet together-evict her-let her live in a car-get the kids taken into care-then pay for them through the nose forever...that's the answer isn't it? can nobody see a bigger picture here? am i an old hippy or something???