To think this woman should not rely on the council?

[tessofthedurbervilles]

A woman I got chatting to disclosed that her and her five kids were going to be evicted from her house due to complaints from neighbours about their anti social behaviour. Her whole attitude was one of it being someone elses' fault and responsibilty 'the council won't rehouse me' how dare they.
Nobody with 5 kids should be thrown out on to the street but her whole attitude was that her and her brood were someone else's responsibility.
I suggested she look for somewhere pdq but she looked at me blankly and said 'if I sleep in my car and the press get wind of it they will have to do something'
Is it me? AIBU to think your kids, love, your problem....move over Jeremy Kyle..I'm after your job!

On the other hand, Peachy, I certainly wouldn't want my children living next to such neighbours.

Because I've been there before, and you quite rightfully live in fear of your life.

So why are some children's needs considered aabove others?

I mean, these neighbours of theirs, seeing that they were in a family home having that many children, they had families, too.

Their kids had to put up with their lives being made hell by this family.

But hey ho, let's ring our hands more and more over people who refuse to amend their behaviour or discipline the children they chose to bring into this world. Let's make sure to find an excuse why the parents can't discipline them, too, there's bound to be one.

And then wonder how people like the parent in the OP get the idea that hte world owes them a living.

the compassion becoming enabling goes against the ethos of homestart-which is that the best day with your family is when they say goodbye to you as they don't need you-supporting and friendship is different to taking over someones life and running it-you enable them to think through situations,you enable them to make consistent parenting easier-to see through the chaos that some peoples lives are in for whatever reason-when someone is struggling to juggle all the balls that life throws at them and maybe one falls down,homestart picks it up,hands it back to them and waits til they get juggling properly again and then goes-it works-you should try it.

ah, it was only the one neighbour who was helped.

the other two.....they had to go. and they had made life hell for many of us since they moved here 10yrs ago...it really was unpleasant (and that is saying it mldly).

well, TBH, it was one family in the beginning, but as the children grew it imapcted on the other, in a bad way as like I say, one ended up trying to kill the other

sometimes people really cannot be helped until all their options are taken away. they really just don;t get that the threats are real, and so continue acting the way they do........still assuming that they are owed something.

it is dreadfully sad that children are involved. it is a poor testement to the benefit system that the very people it set out to help, in 5% of cases (possibly), it has ruined them (statistics not to be taken as truth, tis my made up one in my head).

when you live near it tho, and see it, hear it, suffer it, you lose sympathy for certain individuals.

and the very worse thing..........so far there seems to be no clear answer to the problem, as what works for one, ruins another

We got to live under a couple who set their flat on fire in order to get it redecorated.

Yes, folks, they left a fag on a couch in the middle of the night.

The stair in our flat was full of black smoke and, being on the second floor, we had to be evac'd by firefighters from the balcony.

DH still make it to his shift at ASDA for 6AM (grabbed his uniform as we fled).

But the poor things! They were heroin addicts.

They need support.

Bugger us, though, we could have been killed.

I've also been there though ExP and that'snot how I saw it

Oh yes I hated the adults invovled but no, not the kids. for all we know the children could be all under 6, 10- do we accpet they deserve the scrapheap? I don't.

I do know about fear; the alst time I was threatened even in this area was nly two weeks ago with plice involvement, and last night the garden was trashed by someone coming over the 6ft wall (and round a fiddly lane) to do so- that was scary. And the last house we had to do the syringe walk every morning, someone set a fire under the timber extension housing ds2's bedroom.

So if Mum has been supported or it ahs been attempted, then absolutely she fends for herself and the kids are taken out of there.

But so often Mum isn't offered supprt. Or at elast any that s accessibel or any real use. family support? Ah yes, on the waiting list. three sessions OK? WTF?

ExP people are talkiing main;y about the kids

not the woman except by the default that the kids are affected by the outcomes with her.

Different sit IMO

'it works-you should try it.'

Yes, because everyone who doesn't is just a hard-hearted, right-wing scumbag who doesn't understand.

'the compassion becoming enabling goes against the ethos of homestart-which is that the best day with your family is when they say goodbye to you as they don't need you-supporting and friendship is different to taking over someones life and running it-you enable them to think through situations,you enable them to make consistent parenting easier-to see through the chaos that some peoples lives are in for whatever reason-when someone is struggling to juggle all the balls that life throws at them and maybe one falls down,homestart picks it up,hands it back to them and waits til they get juggling properly again and then goes-it works-you should try it'

The biggest effect of HS IMo (apart from the practicals) according to my famillies was theminute someone turned around and said you are worthy of my time and friendship.

That speaks volumes

Whatever.

It's a moot point because she and the family will be re-homed, most definitely, and then some other peoples' families will get to have their lives turned upside down by anti-social behaviour.

Because there's no support for people who obey the friggin' law and mind their own business.

my favourite kind of child tearaways are the nice middle class ones who are just 'too bright' to do as their told as they are under stimulated
i don't know the answers,i'd fucking hate it-the house next door to mine is in flats and rented out-christmas day before last we were in bed with our ten week old baby listening to 'do they know it's christmas time' coming through the walls accompanied by their two kids crying and the mum and dad screaming at eachother just before SHE laid into him-she had really big mental health problems and is now sectioned and he has the kids-it's shit but people need help and support from somewhere-that ladies 5 kids are already here-they aren't going to vanish-the answer is to not have that many if you aren't coping but when they are here what do you propose to do about it? seriously?

I couldn't possibly comment after such a vague OP- we don't know half the story.
Where dod you get chatting to this woman?
How well do you know her circumstances.

Cue the usual council tenants bashing

just to add in here......

I am a child of parents who were on the scrap heap.........I was helped out of it by the system (and my aunt..........give her some credit after all). I have sympathy and I want to help (altho in my case, once my children are grown........I am not willing to spread myself thin for others right now)

jesus expat-don't be so fucking touchy...
i am running the risk of repeating myself here-but there are 5 children-how might we deal with them/the fall out from this situation please?
(and i was only pulling your tiny cock about volunteering-it might but a different spin on stuff for you?)

I have sympathy but only for people who deserve it. I grew up on a council estate, then went into married quarters when we got married. We then moved into a council house in Sunderland when DH left the RAF, and lived there for 5 years before buying our own house. So, I have some experience of the sort of people the OP is describing.
The kids on our local estate get treats from the local police, like trips to alton towers if they have not been in trouble for a while
My children have never been in trouble, what do they get? Robbed at knife point by the local chavs, go to court and it gets thrown out on a technicality.
Some people need to give a bit more to society and not take all the time.
It's karma, what goes around comes around

jesus psycho mum- if i had five i'd be lucky to get dressed\leave the house- speaking of which we appear to have no fresh food in the house-bread/fruit/milk you know the basics so i am off to take baby to the supermarket-woo,hey-hoipe they're open today else we'll be counting 'the tomato sauce around the spaghetti hoops' as a portion of fruit\veg for today...

Yes pp but again- the kids?Mum yes, but.....

trhe reward the wrongdoers doesnt happen in alla reas. My ds1 is a nightmare (SN related) and there's no help for him

So absolutely I think ffs when I see kids who do get all the help thrown at them- my SS report (for Sn respite and a summer scheme at my request) says 'Mum is intelligent and will cope'on all four forms repeated to almost infinity.

Well Mum's not that intelligent and seriosuly doubts the coping long term but heck, I still wouldn't deny the needs of a child raised by a Mum who, in the assumed absence of any mitigating and non bla,mable factor, is clearly an irreposnible bit of work (I deleted the swearwords there)

I was rasied onm a council estate too- a not nice on on some deprivation index I beleive. Lots of my cntemporaries went on to lead great lives. It's a factor is all. the ones who haven't you could have ID's at 4- SN (usually at that incipient level of there but not support worthy), famillies who either assumed their kids wouldnt achieve or brought them up in a completely terrible way....

We have had a family just like this in our local press, 5 children evicted from a council house. Our council refuses to rehouse asbo families if they have to go as far as evict them as (like other posters have said) it takes a long time to get to this point and they have refused help etc. The family in my area had moved into a relatives flat with all five children in another town.

The children could not attend school as they had no permanent address(!), mum could not read or write, neither parent worked. I felt most sorry for the kids (the younger ones wanted to got to school but couldn't), and also the mum as she was obviously repeating a cycle.

Trouble is they had had lots of help, advice, support, etc and hadn't turned things around.

wow, sleepy, you're awfully judgemental for someone with such a big heart and all.

if you're not judgemental, then surely you can see other peoples' points of view without swearing at them.

like i said, though, it's a moot point. this person and their family will be re-housed and someone else will get to deal with their behaviour and people will continue to excuse and apologise for their behaviour.

yawn.

same shit, different day.

Where did this whole idea of entitlement come from anyway? How long has it been like this in the UK? (I'm genuinely asking; I haven't been here my whole life).

It varies I think

Some poeple are obviously lazy and simply can't be bothered; to deny that would be pointless.

But many others have other reasons- from the basic never known anything else to aspire to situation of generational claimants to places like some areas of the Welsh valleys esp in the 1990's where there wasn't anything else to aspire to post pit closure

And ther does seem to be this air of this is all there is back home

For qwuite a few as well tehy're right; huge swathes of the people in myb home town worked, lost hier jobs in industrial collapse, and then lost their pensions as well. whilst I never undertand it myelf from a must-do-my-best etchic, I can understand why poeple do feel screwed

'I did see a schemem where problem families were housed in a gated community and were helped.'

trouble is, the money would no doubt be pulled after a few years and it'd be left

dad'sfamily (he was one of 16, nan bed bound, grandad an alcoholic) were placed onto an estate designed for problem famillies; dad sais it was nicely landscaped etc etc.

for a few years. then green spaces built on, trees chopped down.

So ou had a shit este where every original family had been a problem family. No prizes for guessing what happened; within twenty years there were riots (as all the babies from the familliesreachedteens/ twenties and were tehre jobless en masse).... 10 yearsafter I lived close by and policewerewarning usabout machete carryin thugs, HV's in pairs, police cars in three (residentshadtheirown stinger... so one car to bestingered, another to get the occupantsout, another to wait in case of need)

its likeany support- get it right and funded then fab; the minute you withdraw suddeny.....

homestart was the same. great results. then our funding pulled

what message did that give then? a reinforcing one that they werent worth the cah, no doubt, even when most had come on miles

Oh yes I know but the bst outcome is a win win, whereas leaving it creates more generations of this.

It is possible to seta side long term funidng or use a certain charitable approach: ringfenced funding for example cannot be sued for any other purpose, and Macmillan will not bring a scheme (a Nurse sually for this) into fruition until all fnding ahs beens ecurely raised and set aside.

There needs to be mroe of that sensible attitude applied with council and social services provision; it seems they start a rpogram,get alle xcited by a new one then move across... no consistency