I know I'm being unreasonable but I need you to help me think of a reason why ds shouldn't spend a week in the summer with his medling granny please.

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

A bit of background, MIL (kind of, I was lucky not to marry ds's dad) has always been a meddler, she went into ds's school and asked them for a report because I didn't give her any info about ds as 'I was jealous that he got married', she dragged ds into a card shop to buy his (absent and previously spent more time in the pub then with ds) a fathers day card without asking me, I've witnessed her slap ds's cousin across the face for dragging a brolly on the floor (swears blind she doesn't hit children though), she 'forgets' to collect ds from school, constant criticism (what school I should send ds to etc), likes to meddle etc, told me ds's dad was loosing his job so the maintenance would stop (not true), there's alot more but I wouldn't want to bore you.

She only see's ds a few times a year but wants to take ds to see his aunt for a week in the summer. He's not been away from me any longer then one night, I need to get out of this. ds doesn't like her as she takes over and drags him around at her 99 miles an hour speed. Please help.
TIA.

Thanks ChippingIn. I wonder if dad's wife knows what she's married into, poor thing. MIL said she went in to drop some things off for the school (), she mentioned how happy ds was, she happened to mention ds's dad, he had got married, how happy he was blah blah, and could she have a copy of ds's school report so he could see how ds was getting on at school.
The head said she disturbed her from teaching by turning up without an appointment, asked her about ds, then said his dad had just got married, I was jealous of this and refused to give them any info about ds and how he was at school. The head refused, told her she would have to tell me MIL had been in, MIL asked her not to. Head was not happy!

there's your reason then.

No, because ds doesn't like spending the night away from home. And leave it at that

I think 2 hours a year is fair, maybe a bit too much BitOfFunnyBunny, I've made sure I don't need her to collect ds ever again. Maybe 2400 miles is the best length rather then arms legnth. Dad's having a visit next weekend, I had an email (not a call to wish ds happy christmas/birthday though, no card) asking if he could have ds (who he's not seen for 12 months) over night on Friday and all day Saturday or on Saturday. I wish I could tell him to piss off. Ds will do this though.

Fluffy - IMO (FWIW!!) I wouldn't start making up excuses, I would just say NO.

IF you start making excuses (like you are away) she will only keep asking about other days/times. You don't have to keep the peace for your DH's sake (lucky you), so tell it like it is. DS does not want to go and you are not letting him!!!

When his Dad is kicking off about him going to visit him, ask him why a child who hardly knows him, would want to go on holiday, on his own, to visit him. If he wants a relationship with his son, he is going to have to move his hairy ass to do something about it - not kick off at you.

The school move will be good for your Son, it will be good for him to have friends near his house. Why the hell would you move him to a school near her, he lives with YOU... you are really going to have to start being blunt with this woman!!

Quite frankly, it sounds as though you and DS would be better off without either of them in your life!! When ExP is kicking off, tell him you are not discussing x, if he carries on, hang up. End of. If either of them want contact with you/ds then they need to learn to respect you and your decisions, not have you walking on egg shells like this.... take control!!!

(I know it's easier said than done and you have my complete sympathy!!)

Ahh pointydog, then there will be the 'but....' (but you can come too- no thanks/but he's a big boy and needs some time away from you/but it'll be good for him), heard them all before. She's persistant.

Tuscany sounds soo attractive.

Fluffy (x post before!!)... have you ever been to New Zealand?.... it's lovely and 2 one way tickets aren't too expensive (well, not compared to your sanity anyway!!).

Will DS be OK with going off with his Dad for the weekend?

I have been really blunt with ds's dad, I have told him why ds is attached to me, I've been through it all over and over again until I'm blue in the face. All I get is that 'I need to move on' I keep telling him that I would not let ds go on holiday with a stranger, which is what he is, he seems to think ds will do as I say though and I'm telling him to stay with me. I can't win. He did set up an email account for ds, the last email he sent to him was September 08 though so this really lasted.

I've said he can pick him up on Saturday morning and bring him back in the evening. I said no to Friday night. I've not heard back from him about this so I assume he's bitching at not being allowed to have ds over night.

New Zealand. Hmm. Tempting.

?

If you loved your child you would make sure tht they saw their dad, regardless of your opinion of him, you would make it happen,because it is the right thing to do.
But you wont, because you are so caught up in your thing....

He's seeing his dad. This isn't about his dad, it's about the MIL wanting to take him on holiday for a week. Crap as his dad is, he's still his dad. When ds gets older he can make his own choices. It's not my place to stop him seeing his father, his nutty gran is a different story.

Did you make sure that you boy replied to the emails? Did you help him to speak with his father? You say his Father is a stranger? How dare you, how sad you take away this childs father from him, your bitterness fires out of your words. You should be ashamed, hang up your hatred - save it for your mates. Your poor kid is begging in his dreams for his dad and you are denying him.

Of course, that's why I asked his dad to set it up in the first place. I didn't tell or encourage his dad to move away, it was his choice. It's not as if across a sea is near enough for him to see ds is it. Have you read the thread or are you making assumptions?

His 'father' abandoned me when I was 8 months pregnant so he could go off with someone else. Despite this, I encouraged a relationship between them as it was for my son's best interest to know his family. His dad saw him at the weekend when he turned up, when ds was 3 his dad moved away because he was 'bored' (his own words, not mine), he's seen ds max 2 a year. I doubt very much he wants his dad as his dad has never been there for him.

You should read the thread before venting your anger!

flukeU, what planet are you on to justify calling the op a moron

me thinks you have issues!!!

OP, if you are not happy, you are not happy,end of story good night! you are mum so your word is final!!!

Thanks psychomum.

tis ok

flukeU is being a little.................erm...........aggresive!!

FWIW, you follow your heart. you know the family, and your son, and if you feel uncomfortable, then you get to call the shots,

if that means your DS not seeing his fathers side of the family until he is 18, then so be it.

Yes, I know where you are coming from.

There's no way in hell I would allow ds to spend a week with someone he doesn't know. An email here and there doesn't make a father, it takes time and support, none of which ds has had. Granny needs a wide berth.

Italy for the summer it is then

What, so I should allow them to take an unstable MIL and a dad that couldn't give a shite about is son take ds away for a week then? I don't know what planet you are on but keep off the wine. It's bad for you.

no - definitely a nutter on this thread...........and it isn't the OP..........