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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on a date with someone who I don't really fancy?

78 replies

TheCreamEggOfSeptimusQuench · 06/04/2009 16:31

Or rather, am I being unfair, I suppose...

He seems very keen. Am I sending out the wrong message by agreeing to go out for a drink with him, or should I chill out and give him a chance?

Thank you

OP posts:
LadyOfScoffleTheEasterEggs · 06/04/2009 16:32

I didn't fancy my DH when we met... GIve it a whirl

salome64 · 06/04/2009 17:18

Chill out, have a nice drink, then dump him.

Original poster
TheCreamEggOfSeptimusQuench · 06/04/2009 17:59

He he

I don't think he's DH material tbh...

OP posts:
DSM · 06/04/2009 18:08

Don't go.

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 06/04/2009 18:16

If he's keen and you're not, what are you up to?

Is he someone you're friends with anyway, so it could be seen as one friend going for a drink with another, or is it someone who has actually asked you on a date? If the first then go with it (I was friends with my DP for months before we hooked up and never fancied him until we kissed!) but if it's the latter then let him down gently. Suggest becoming friends, share a drink with mutual friends, that kind of thing. You may come to like him more?

MrsMagooo · 06/04/2009 18:37

Have to say when my now DH asked me out on a date I didn't really fancy him but after that first date there was just 'something' there & I wanted to see him again, the more I got to know him the more I fancied him!

That was 7 years ago & now we're married with 2 DC

Go for it - if you don't hit it off you've lost nothing Xmas Wink

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 06/04/2009 18:40

It might be worth giving him a chance for one date. But what is it about him you don't fancy? Sometimes not fancying someone is your subconscious pointing out that this person is not a nice person (as opposed to just not a supermodel).

MrsGJB · 06/04/2009 18:50

I couldn't stand my DH when we met (nor for a few months after). It's our 25th anniversary this year

quornsilk · 06/04/2009 18:57

Go and report back!

Original poster
TheCreamEggOfSeptimusQuench · 06/04/2009 19:00

Oh dear. I shouldn't go, should I?

He is definitely a nice person. And quite bright and chirpy. But 6 years younger than me, and super-keen (he rang three times last night ), which is a bit off putting.

But we do seem to get on, and I think I'd like to chat to him some more. Maybe

OP posts:
lou33 · 06/04/2009 19:05

i have just cancelled a lunch date for later this week because i dont feel attracted to the man in question, and seemed a bit unhappy when i said i only wanted to meet as a friend

i dont think the age is any indicator really, this one is about a similar age difference to yours, but the one i had yesterday had a 14 yr age gap and we got on really well

quornsilk · 06/04/2009 19:09

Yes, yes go. Don't change your mind now!

daftpunk · 06/04/2009 19:10

don't bother going..if you don't fancy him it's a waste of time.

Original poster
TheCreamEggOfSeptimusQuench · 06/04/2009 19:12

He just seems so young.

I'm 36, my last boyfriend was 48. I'm not used to young pups!

So your date was 14 years your junior?

[takes off hat to lou]

OP posts:
quornsilk · 06/04/2009 19:14

6 years younger, so he's 30? That's not exactly cradle snatching.

compo · 06/04/2009 19:15

I did, we're now married with 2 dcs

daftpunk · 06/04/2009 19:15

agree quornsilk...6 years is nothing...16 years..different

quornsilk · 06/04/2009 19:16

Is it tonight Septimus?

lou33 · 06/04/2009 19:17

without fail every man i have dated my age or thereabouts has decided that after a few drinks he will turn into a nob and tell me what to do and how to behave

younger ones dont do that with me, so it's a no brainer for me

though 14 yrs is pushing it slightly for me

lou33 · 06/04/2009 19:18

30 and 36 is nothing, if you dont liek him based on age then i would maybe rethink, but if he just leaves you cold generally then i wouldnt meet him unless he understood it was only as a friend, and lunch wasnt going to lead to you as dessert

Original poster
TheCreamEggOfSeptimusQuench · 06/04/2009 19:19

Lots of initially unappealing DHs here. I wonder what that's all about? Long term relationships being built on more solid ground that mere physical attraction?

OP posts:
mrsmaidamess · 06/04/2009 19:19

I think ringing is nice. How many men never ring? Give him a one date chance.

Original poster
TheCreamEggOfSeptimusQuench · 06/04/2009 19:20

Tomorrow.

If I go through with it.

OP posts:
mrsmaidamess · 06/04/2009 19:21

Please go. And tell us every detail

fizzpops · 06/04/2009 19:28

I have to say although I didn't go mad for my DH when we met and intended to give him the brush off if he asked me out, when he phoned we talked for AGES and he was so lovely I just agreed to go out with him without even thinking about it.

We have now been together 11 years and still get on so well, have loads of laughs and I thank my lucky stars that i said 'yes' rather than 'no' when he asked me for a drink.

I do think the mistake a lot of people make is going for physical attraction over 'niceness' for want of a better word. 'Niceness' works much better long term imo.

Btw - obviously I fancy him now!

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