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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my Dh this was a dangerous thing to do

67 replies

Bathsheba · 05/04/2009 10:20

I left my Dh in charge of our 2 DD's yesterday while I went to a baby shower.

DD2 - who is 2 - has had a virus all week, nothing needing antibiotics but she has been miserable. DH asked me to leave a list of instructions etc and at the bottom I wrote "Calpol for DD2 if she is miserable".

DH was very hungover yesterday having been out til 5am.

When I came home at 5pm DD2 was sound asleep on the sofa (DH was on the computer in a diffreent room, DD1 and DD2 were in front of the TV in the living room.

DH said it might be because he had given her Medised at 4pm. With her Calpol.

Internally I was furious - you can't give them both together as they are both paracetamol, and there is new guidance to say you shouldn;t give medised to a 2 year old anyway (we have it in the house for DD1).
Kept an eye on her all evening and all night.

I said nothing yesterday - because he was too hungover to listen to anything and take it in anyway yesterday but I have told him this morning that I feel I can't trust him to look after the girls as giving DD2 the wrong medication yesterday was dangerous. I also asked him to do lunch for the girls the past 2 sundays (when we are at church) and both weeks he has made them something different to what I had asked him to (we have very strictly planned meals to try and keep within the household budget and it takes a lot of planning on my part to get this right). I feel he asks for instructions from me ("Whats for lunch" and he asked for written instructions yesterday), then ignores them, and then is angry at me if I dare bring it up that he has completley ignored them.

So now he is furious with me "Oh so I'm dangerous now" being muttered under his breath...."You feel you can;t trust me"....well yes..!! Giving a 2 year old a double dose of paracetamol without seeming to care ("I didn't know...") is dangerous..!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bathsheba · 05/04/2009 10:21

Sorry, I didn't say when I went out - I went out at 12 noon and was back at 5

OP posts:
solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 05/04/2009 10:23

This doesn't sound ver ygood. TBH it sounds like he is deliberately stuffing up all the jobs you ask him to do in order to demonstrate that he is a MAN. With a PENIS. And therefore you should be doing all the domestic work and childcare: he can't do it properly because his penis gets in the way.

kormachameleon · 05/04/2009 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kitbit · 05/04/2009 10:25

Could it have been an honest mistake? I didn't know medised contained paracetamol when I first got some, only because I'd never come across it before. Of course I checked, but maybe your dh assumed he could give it any time because other combinations can be given eg nurofen + paracetamol etc.
I think the issue is more than just the medicine - maybe he feels as though you are being a bit controlling, with all the (necessary, I know!) planning etc. Can you involve him in planning etc so he doesn't just feel he's following orders all the time? Maybe that's why he goes off piste...

IwishIwasmorechocolatey · 05/04/2009 10:26

YANBU. Your (D)H needs a serious kick up the arse!

mumto2andnomore · 05/04/2009 10:32

The issue with the medicines, yes I would be cross too but he didnt realise and no harm was done.
As regards the food, I think you are being a bit too controlling, surely he can decide what to feed the children, does it really matter if its not exactly what you said ?

mears · 05/04/2009 10:32

Bathsheba - your DH obviously did not realise both drugs are paracetamol based. This is a very common problem hence the issue about not giving young children medised. It is mainly because of the overdosing issue. Personally I would get rid of the medised so that the risk is reduced - no child needs it. Best to keep nurofen instead unless child asthmatic.

I think you have been a bit harsh TBH.

mears · 05/04/2009 10:33

Have you asked him why he changed the lunch plan btw?

SlightlyMadSimnelCake · 05/04/2009 10:34

was just about to post identically to mumto2.

rubyslippers · 05/04/2009 10:34

the medicine thing could have been a genuine mistake?

the meal thing sounds a wee bit controlling = perhaps your DH is kicking back a bit?

hard to know TBH

i think it is very harsh to say to a father that you can't trust him - did you ask him his side first?

SlightlyMadSimnelCake · 05/04/2009 10:39

If you are not familiar with a medicine though you should ALWAYS read the instructions.

I would be more cross at him not reading instrutions rather than him not following teh precise instructions you left. He needs to be able to make decisions for himself - but he needs to make them SAFE decisions.

Cooking a different meal was not unsafe. Giving a different med was not automatically unsafe. Not reading medicin instructions is potentially unsafe (depending on circs) - as was the case in this particular instance.

Simplysally · 05/04/2009 10:40

Ask him to do the meal plans/budgeting for a week. He might feel that he can choose what to cook as part of the family.

I admit that I would probably resent being asked to cook lunch but not being allowed discretion to do so. What's the fun in that?

thirtypence · 05/04/2009 10:43

I had made something and left it in the oven - and then the man took ages to fix the computer and I had to get dh to feed ds as I had to go to work.

He made cheese on toast. It's his default meal. Not worth worrying about. Part of delegating is accepting that things won't be done your way.

The medised thing - well it's something you only do once isn't it? I thought it was more dangerous if adults had too much paracetamol and that you can get a child's dose really quite wrong and it not affect them. Dh left ds in pain whilst he tried to reach me at work to ask if he could give another dose. Which is right? In an ideal world they would of course just know these things.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 05/04/2009 10:43

I don't think you are being harsh, any adult with a braon should know that you read the instructions on meds, and follow them!

SlightlyMadSimnelCake · 05/04/2009 10:53

Children are POTENTIALLY more susceptable to paracetamold overdose - especcially if they are small for their age.

In fact paracetamol overdose is v dangerous for anyone.

littleducks · 05/04/2009 10:53

hmmm, its a hard call

how old is your medised, does it have dosing instructions for a 2yr old on, if it does then he cxant be expected to know it was now considered unsafe for under twos, there are threads every month or so on here expressing surprise as people realise this when they go to buy more

the two paracetamol thing together is stupid but he wont be the first to not reaslise that medised and calpol are both paracetamol based hence the new guidelines

and i may get flamed but if he was to drunk/hungover to be able to discuss it with you last night i wouldnt have left the kids especially sick with him

SerendipitousHarlot · 05/04/2009 11:09

I think you're being a little bit harsh.

The medicine thing was really stupid and dangerous, but we're all only human, and we all make mistakes.

Unless there's more to it, I think it's a bit unreasonable expecting your H to follow written instructions to make dinner... you're not his mum! And at least he made dinner.

I think you need to start treating him like an adult - if I was left written instructions, and then moaned at if I dared to deviate from them, you would feel my wrath

Mumcentreplus · 05/04/2009 11:17

Do you really not trust your DH or are you trying to make a point?..imagine if YOU made a genuine mistake and he said he felt he could not trust YOU with the children that a huge statement to make to a parent..I think it's a bit over the top tbh...what did you want him to do? go in the garden and flog himself?...

you should see what food combinations my DH gives my DDs...I try not the think about it! they are fed and they are happy so whats the harm?

SlartyBartFastlaidanegg · 05/04/2009 11:21

you are not the boss of the family are you?

i think you are being controlling. the medised was a mistake,

and the meal thing, imagine if the boot was on the other foot and your dh laid down all the rules in your household.
do this today,
do this then.
etc.,

Salleroo · 05/04/2009 11:26

I also think you are being a bit harsh, he is their dad and as such would not go out of his way to harm his daughters.

They got fed, what more do you want?

Where I would have been peed off is him coming home at 5am when he knew he had to take care of two children one of whom was sick.

If you are on a tight budget re food, how come he can afford to stay out till 5am?

pointydog · 05/04/2009 11:26

I think you need to let go a little. He is their dad and he can be trusted. Leave him to it.

Too many women take control over every aspect of child care and house duties and then get cross at partners who can't stick to every rule.

It's far more important that he is trusted at all times to be a dad.

hotcrosspurepurple · 05/04/2009 11:39

he is acting exactly how you are expecting him to act

you leave him written instructions fgs

relax and treat him like the adult he is

thelionmummy · 05/04/2009 12:00

And the mumsnet TWUNT of the week award goes to...........

EVERYBODY knows that you don't mix medicines without at least checking the labels first .

He needs a list of instructions on how to look after HIS OWN CHILDREN?

You are budgeting for your meals when he is out pissing it up the wall until 5am??? What exactly WAS he doing all night??

He needs to grow up - FAST!

thelionmummy · 05/04/2009 12:02

I absolutely refuse to believe that parents can be so blatantly stupid to give two medicines containing paracetemol - READ THE FUCKING LABELS!! If you can't manage that - you shouldnt have children

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/04/2009 12:15

Medicine issue aside for a moment.....
is he your DH or your DS??? because with written instructions strict rules about food etc I would have thought you were talking to a child??

The lunch issue well if dp TOLD me what i could cook the dc i would do the complete opposite....let him be a man and even more so let him be a dad and not a child.

I did not know medised was paracetomol based until a few weeks ago when a pharmacist advised me to buy it and give it to ds2 who is a big 18m old. He said he gave it to his children and it is a guideline but if used sensibly and carefully will not cause harm....as it happens giving ds2 2.5ml had no affect on his pain so i had to wait it out until the morning and give him calcold.

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