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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my Dh this was a dangerous thing to do

67 replies

Bathsheba · 05/04/2009 10:20

I left my Dh in charge of our 2 DD's yesterday while I went to a baby shower.

DD2 - who is 2 - has had a virus all week, nothing needing antibiotics but she has been miserable. DH asked me to leave a list of instructions etc and at the bottom I wrote "Calpol for DD2 if she is miserable".

DH was very hungover yesterday having been out til 5am.

When I came home at 5pm DD2 was sound asleep on the sofa (DH was on the computer in a diffreent room, DD1 and DD2 were in front of the TV in the living room.

DH said it might be because he had given her Medised at 4pm. With her Calpol.

Internally I was furious - you can't give them both together as they are both paracetamol, and there is new guidance to say you shouldn;t give medised to a 2 year old anyway (we have it in the house for DD1).
Kept an eye on her all evening and all night.

I said nothing yesterday - because he was too hungover to listen to anything and take it in anyway yesterday but I have told him this morning that I feel I can't trust him to look after the girls as giving DD2 the wrong medication yesterday was dangerous. I also asked him to do lunch for the girls the past 2 sundays (when we are at church) and both weeks he has made them something different to what I had asked him to (we have very strictly planned meals to try and keep within the household budget and it takes a lot of planning on my part to get this right). I feel he asks for instructions from me ("Whats for lunch" and he asked for written instructions yesterday), then ignores them, and then is angry at me if I dare bring it up that he has completley ignored them.

So now he is furious with me "Oh so I'm dangerous now" being muttered under his breath...."You feel you can;t trust me"....well yes..!! Giving a 2 year old a double dose of paracetamol without seeming to care ("I didn't know...") is dangerous..!!

OP posts:

DSM · 05/04/2009 12:21

For fuck sake lionmummy, no harm was done. Its an easy mistake that I am sure many people on here will have made, so there is not need for that comment.

Bathsheba - I echo all the other posters who say you are being too controlling.

Imagine if someone posted on here that their husband was furious with them because they didn't cook exactly what they were told for lunch? And that their husband said they didn't trust them with the children?

It is not your place to decide if he can be trusted. They are his children as much as they are yours. You are not the boss.

If there is a problem, you discuss it equally, not give him instructions and a row for not carrying them out.

Agreed, the medicine thing was bad, but presumably an accident. Could happen to anyone.

supergluebum · 05/04/2009 12:27

YAB a little bit U to leave poorly children with someone who didn't get enough sleep and who also had a hangover tbh.

The food thing is a non issue. At least he fed them.

Leaving instructions is one thing, but he is a responsible adult and should be treated as one. You are acting as if he is an extra child.

hotcrosspurepurple · 05/04/2009 13:09

OP said "I said nothing yesterday - because he was too hungover to listen to anything and take it in anyway"

but he was ok apparently to be left in sole charge of 2 small children, 1 poorly while OP was out
he clearly should not have been left with the children, now OP is feeling guilty and is trying to get us all to agree that he was unreasonable when she has made a bad judgement in leaving him with the children
anyone agree?

supergluebum · 05/04/2009 13:11

Think you just said the same as me hotcrosspurepurple. I hate being left in charge of the DC with a hangover we'd all be eating cheese on toast too!

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/04/2009 13:35

HCPP I think that is probably more the point here. The OP chose to leave her "Too Hungover" Dh in charge of their DC. She knew he was incapable of looking after them having been out until 5am.....so of course when he made a mistake she had reason to find fault.....

I wonder if there is more to this.....

Sorry OP but you do sound one hell of a control freak...you can have varied meals through the week and still live within a budget. He is presumably over the age of 5 and therefore deserves a say so in the upbringing of his dd's or are they not his and you feel he has no say therefore has to do what you TELL him to do?

I agree what he did was a mistake anyone could have made in that situation...very hungover and possibly with a whingy 2 yr old not helping his head.....

I personally would look at getting a puppy you can teach to jump through hoops....and ditch your DH maybe then you would be happier.

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/04/2009 13:35

I wonder if there is more to this.....

I agree what he did was a mistake anyone could have made in that situation...very hungover and possibly with a whingy 2 yr old not helping his head.....

I personally would look at getting a puppy you can teach to jump through hoops....and ditch your DH maybe then you would be happier.

psychomum5 · 05/04/2009 13:47

YABU.........no way you should have left them alone with him being as he was!

I think it pretty amazing that he even managed to cope, feed them and give medicine TBH. maybe he should not have come home so late, and I can get that you might be irritated, but seriously, you were wrong to go out and expect so much of him.

and as for written instructions........if MY DH left me written instructions on how to do stuff, I would burn them and then sprinkle them in his food!! no wonder he 'rebelled' against you with regards of what to feed them. maybe he was being a lovely dad who actually asked them what they fancied and gave them that.........I know from my own children, (and ME) that they don;t fancy certain things certain days even if they do actually like said food.

you need to relax a little, and not get so irate with him. he is within his rights to be pissed off and upset with you today.......I would be if DH treated me like that, and if I treated DH like that........I think he would leave me to it!

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 05/04/2009 13:58

Are you all missing the fact that Hangover Boy is the one who is asking for written instructions and then ignoring them?

I used to give my mum/best mate/DS dad written instructions when DS was a baby and I was going out - basically stuff like: this pot of guck is for his lunch, this is his tea, please give him a rice cake in the afternoon and these are the words he understands... I don#t think that's too awful.

Mumcentreplus · 05/04/2009 14:07

she probably started reeling off instructions and he said write it down...then later when he started reading them he though fuck this and gave them whatever..

LIZS · 05/04/2009 14:10

yabu - if he was so tired that he asked for instrcutions then you took yoru chances . The medicine mix up was a mistake, maybe it wouldn't have happened if he had been more alert, maybe he is normally gungho - hard to tell from your info. Fortunately it doesn't appear to have had serious ill effects and he won't repeat it. He varied the lunch probably because he didn't feel up to following the instructions when it came to it - you could have done this yourself before you left for the kids, and been a bit late, if it was so important but does it matter that much.

tbh it sounds as if you are punishing him as much for being selfish in staying out when you had a day planned as for the actual errors. If this is typical of both your behaviour I think you have more cause to worry.

CrushWithEyeliner · 05/04/2009 14:11

Why was he drinking whilst looking after the children anyway? You said he was hungover when you got home?

shonaspurtle · 05/04/2009 14:15

Nah, he doesn't get off the medicine thing. Sorry, unless he's got a learning disability he can read the side of the bottle where it tells you, in big letters iirc, CONTAINS PARACETAMOL.

Lists, meals, hangover are all by the by, he should read the instructions before he gives his child drugs.

psychomum5 · 05/04/2009 14:18

depends on how detailed he wanted the instructions, and how detailed she made them.

my DH used to ask me to write instructions down, but simply times and amount of things...

DD1 at dancing, needs collecting at 6pm
DD2 round her friends, is eating there, I am collecting her
DD3 is poorly, last meds were 2pm, if she asks for more then she can have more after 6pm
DS1 and DS2 need feeding

however if I wrote...

DD1 is at dancing, she needs collecting at 6pm, but please don;t forget to take the boys and DD3 with you, and that DD3 needs meds at 6pm too so you will need to take them with you (and she needs precisely 5ml calpol and nothing els (please remember the 5mils.....don;t forget last time you almost OD'd her). Oh, and they will need feeding. you must give them curry and nothing else, and don;t forget they need to have a drink, and then they need a bath, and clean their teeth for them and they need to have the blue PJ's......blah blah blah....

he would kill me!

shonaspurtle · 05/04/2009 14:18

I'm presuming this baby shower wasn't landed on him at the last minute. The op is being perfectly reasonably in expecting her dcs' parent to look after them.

If he decides to get drunk and stay up late the night before that shouldn't be her problem. A hangover doesn't leave you any less capable than if you had a bad cold or a virus and I'm sure we've all managed child care in those situations.

shonaspurtle · 05/04/2009 14:18

I'm presuming this baby shower wasn't landed on him at the last minute. The op is being perfectly reasonably in expecting her dcs' parent to look after them.

traceybath · 05/04/2009 14:20

I agree with solidgoldshaggingbunnies.

He asked for instructions and then ignored them - its common sense to check the labels on medicine re. dosage.

The lunch thing - i can see others see this as controlling but if for example you'd planned to get 2 days meals out of what was in the fridge and he used all the relevant ingredients for one lunch i'd be a bit cross too if you're really watching your budget.

However leaving hungover dh in charge is always going to lead to a row. I'd have been annoyed that he was hungover when he was meant to be looking after them and suspect you were too.

poshsinglemum · 05/04/2009 17:13

YRNBU- He shouldn't be hung over if he knows he is looking after children and everyone knows to handle medication with care.

thelionmummy · 05/04/2009 17:41

oh dont get your arse all puckered DSM because i pulled you up on another thread An EASY mistake to give your child a paracetemol OVERDOSE??? Resulting in possible liver and kidney damage? Yeah - i do it all the time, especially when im hung over and wanting DD to go to sleep! To be fair, there is probably no harm done, but i am astounded that people in charge of children can't do the basics and make sure they are not combining medication.

I have looked after my DD in a hung over state, it was bloody hard work - not judging that really, but i still wouldnt have given medication without checking FFS! In the past i have had quite a few bottles of different medication for DD, colds, coughs, calpol, calprofen etc - believe me, i check, check and i check again to make sure i have picked up the right bottle etc. Its BASIC parenting surely.

mears · 05/04/2009 17:45

I disagree. Many people give medicine based on the dosage instructions without looking for ingredients. If someone believes the medicine to be something different they will not necessarily check.

I can't understand the need to use medised personally. I would get rid of it.

Mumcentreplus · 05/04/2009 17:46

Oh dear

Original poster

Bathsheba · 05/04/2009 17:52

sorry - I took the girls to church and then had to go to town and do a supermarket shop.

My DH asked for the instructions - they weren't overly details and patronising, just what was for lunch, don't worry about dinner I'll be back at 5 and I'll do it then, a couple of DIY jobs and "Calpol for DD2 if she is miserable".

He knew I was going out on Saturday - its been arranged for weeks and I was giving other people a lift so calling off would have meant I let a lot of people down, he knew he'd have the girls all Saturday afternoon and yet he didn't have even 1 drink less because of that.

I'll conceed that I am controlling about the food - I spend a lot of time mealplanning to get a good balance for the girls and him, and also to make the most of the foodthat I can buy as we are trying really hard to work on a tight budget. Giving them the wrong thing for lunch isn't a huge crime, it just adds to my annoyance with him. Last sunday lunch was supposed to be chicken gujons and noodles. (The girls love that and DD2's appetite is very bad at the moment so the more we can get her to eat the better). Instead DH grilled the gujons, and then decided to grill some garlic bread I had in the freezer. The garlic bread was ready 15 minutes after they had the gujons, it was too hot so they didn't eat it. It all went in the bin and it was a big waste - and I had to buy more so theycould have it with the meal I had planned later on in the week...

OP posts:

thelionmummy · 05/04/2009 17:52

but everyone knows that medised is paracetemol based - ffs, when you buy the stuff the chemist reminds you not to use with any other paracetemol containing products!!!

clayre · 05/04/2009 17:54

geez i would just be glad dp fed her and gave her medicine, if he had given her both medised and calpol i would have told him it was wrong, no harm will be done having a double dose of paracetamol (althou not reccomended).

the drinking and staying out all night is another story, i wouldnt tolerate that!

thelionmummy · 05/04/2009 17:55

I cannot believe the amount of posts on here that think the OP should be grateful for her DH looking after the children, feeding them and giving them medication. THEY ARE HIS CHILDREN TOO!!!

Mumcentreplus · 05/04/2009 18:03

I don't know about grateful I completely agree they are his too!..that wasn't my issue..but telling your DH you don't trust him with his children is ott imo..unless you believe that to be true otherwise it sounds a litte drama queen to me.

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