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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my Dh this was a dangerous thing to do

67 replies

Bathsheba · 05/04/2009 10:20

I left my Dh in charge of our 2 DD's yesterday while I went to a baby shower.

DD2 - who is 2 - has had a virus all week, nothing needing antibiotics but she has been miserable. DH asked me to leave a list of instructions etc and at the bottom I wrote "Calpol for DD2 if she is miserable".

DH was very hungover yesterday having been out til 5am.

When I came home at 5pm DD2 was sound asleep on the sofa (DH was on the computer in a diffreent room, DD1 and DD2 were in front of the TV in the living room.

DH said it might be because he had given her Medised at 4pm. With her Calpol.

Internally I was furious - you can't give them both together as they are both paracetamol, and there is new guidance to say you shouldn;t give medised to a 2 year old anyway (we have it in the house for DD1).
Kept an eye on her all evening and all night.

I said nothing yesterday - because he was too hungover to listen to anything and take it in anyway yesterday but I have told him this morning that I feel I can't trust him to look after the girls as giving DD2 the wrong medication yesterday was dangerous. I also asked him to do lunch for the girls the past 2 sundays (when we are at church) and both weeks he has made them something different to what I had asked him to (we have very strictly planned meals to try and keep within the household budget and it takes a lot of planning on my part to get this right). I feel he asks for instructions from me ("Whats for lunch" and he asked for written instructions yesterday), then ignores them, and then is angry at me if I dare bring it up that he has completley ignored them.

So now he is furious with me "Oh so I'm dangerous now" being muttered under his breath...."You feel you can;t trust me"....well yes..!! Giving a 2 year old a double dose of paracetamol without seeming to care ("I didn't know...") is dangerous..!!

OP posts:

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/04/2009 18:05

TLM, I think thats the whole point people are making is that there are many men who don't/won't look after their dc.

beanieb · 05/04/2009 18:06

It doesn't sound good but he knows now that he did the wrong thing. I think it's easy to fall into the trap of 'punishing' someone for days because of one thing they have done wrong, so maybe just explain to him that you had to point it out as it was medically dangerous but that you want to let it drop now?

clayre · 05/04/2009 18:09

i also agree that the children are his too but my dp is working away from home, he only sees the dc for 2 hours a week at the moment so i dont expect him to know all about mixing medicines, althou i would hope he would read the bottle! the food bit i don't really care what he feeds them

vezzie · 05/04/2009 18:12

loads of mixed messages here - people saying in the same post a. OP was at fault in delegating childcare to unfit, hungover (implied sub-)parent; and b. she should treat him more like an adult. which is it?

compo · 05/04/2009 18:15

'YAB a little bit U to leave poorly children with someone who didn't get enough sleep and who also had a hangover tbh.'

oh yes, turn it round onto the OP who had told her husband she'd be going out to a baby shower and he decided to drink until 5am when he knew he'd have young children to look after
I'd be more pissed off at that than the medicine or lunch thing

compo · 05/04/2009 18:16

what should she have done - said oh dear darling husband, you feel like shit, go back to bed and sleep it off all day while I look after the kids and forgo seeing my mates

supergluebum · 05/04/2009 18:32

Not really compo, she knew she was leaving her children with someone who was hungover and not capable of looking after the children, I answered the question. Not sided with her husband. Staying out until 5am drinking is a whole different issue.

beanieb · 05/04/2009 18:40

OP - were you already pissed off with him for being out til the early hours and is that effecting how you have dealt with the medication issue perhaps?

If his night out was totally unplanned and he rolled in late without any consideration knowing that you needed him to be able to care for the kids, then I can understand why you're pissed off. On the other hand, maybe you are using the medication thing (Which didn't kill your daughter) as a stick to beat him with over the staying out and getting drunk issue?

thelionmummy · 05/04/2009 19:15

i disagree supergluebum, i had the mother of all hangovers last week - was perfectly able to look after DD. I just felt like shit and received zero sympathy from DP

mears · 05/04/2009 19:23

thelionmummy - obviously EVERYONE does not know medised is paracetamol based otherwise he would not have given it!

supergluebum · 05/04/2009 19:23

And thelionmummy that is exactly the response you deserved have done same myself many times! And been on the recieving end of a zero sympathy "right, I'm off to work now, see you at 6 or 7!"

hotcrosspurepurple · 05/04/2009 19:26

i didn't know that about medised
i have never used it

hobbgoblin · 05/04/2009 19:27

This can be what happens when one parent tends to be firmly in control. What happens when you make mistakes? Does he bollock you or do you just not ever slip up?

Soon he may stop bothering. I would.

LIZS · 06/04/2009 09:17

Agree that's the concern hobbgoblin , but maybe he already has gone past that point. Save your issues for the things that really matter, as in this case the medicine, otherwise it just looks like nit picking at everything and deliberately undermining him. Otherwise he will assume whatever he does will be wrong so behave to type. I suspect there is a bigger picture to this incident, although that may have brought it to a head. Goujons and bread is hardly a huge deviation from goujons and noodles although the timing obviously went awry and not exactly scientific planning on your part either.

If you don't relax your grip soon you will find yourself doing things alone with him increasingly taking a back seat - is that really what you want ?

steviesgirl · 06/04/2009 11:26

Any responsible person would have read the instructions before giving the Medised. You can't just take pot luck with medicine and assume that the dose you give is safe, especially being that he's given calpol as well. There's no excuse there tbh.

I think you are being over the top about the food issue though. He fed them, that's the main thing.

ChairmumMiaow · 06/04/2009 11:36

The medicine thing was dangerous and irresponsible, and although it was a mistake, it was surely very careless and I can't blame the OP for getting annoyed about it.

Re the meals - if he's anything like my DH he has no real interest in planning the meals or shopping, he just wants to be fed, so if the OP has to plan and shop and stick within a budget, how is she supposed to manage if what she was going to cook is missing some ingredients because her DH has used them? It obviously depends on how much her DH is willing to get involved generally, but if he just wants it done he should prepare what he is asked.

(BTW, my DH isn't a lazy arse - he does tons of other housework and is very responsible with medicines )

pointydog · 06/04/2009 18:28

If this dad lives at home with his child then he shouldn't need any written instructions. Let him get on with it and refuse to treat him like a child.

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