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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have found it amusing when dd2 pointed at 2 smokers and and shouted "Yuk! Cigarettes!"?

53 replies

melpomene · 03/04/2009 17:59

We were leaving a Soft Play place and 2 women were standing outside the entrance, smoking. DD2 pointed at them and proclaimed "Yuk! Cigarettes!" in her most booming voice. I found it funny and walked off without looking at the smokers or saying anything to them. I wondered for a bit if I should've apologised, though...

(DD2 is 3. This happened a few weeks ago but I was reminded of it by another thread.)

OP posts:
FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/04/2009 18:01

Please don't let her do this, they never grow out of it and in a few years she'll seem like an obnoxious child! Ds(9) holds his breath, he used to pretend to choke. mega embarassing!

lockets · 03/04/2009 18:02

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traceybath · 03/04/2009 18:03

Well its rude isn't it so i would have apologised and told her off for being rude.

stickyj · 03/04/2009 18:03

I think t's a bit rude tbh. At three,they don't hav the right to comment on adult behaviour. (saying that, mine never pulled any punches either!)

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/04/2009 18:04

yes, it's rude. Sorry. Teach her to hold her breath and not say anything.

southeastastra · 03/04/2009 18:04

my little neice told me off for smoking the other day and advised me that i could buy an inhaler to help me quit was kinda of sweet

TheCrackFox · 03/04/2009 18:05

Hilarious.

2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 03/04/2009 18:08

yabu
and your child is rude

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/04/2009 18:11

No child should be telling an adult off. Sorry, it's rude and very ban mannars IMO. I would stamp this out, it'll only get worse.

Shambolic · 03/04/2009 18:15

What if the child had shouted "yuk fat people" or was outside a pub and shouted "yuk drunks".

It's not very nice.

shootfromthehip · 03/04/2009 18:20

YABU- yip,that is a great idea, let your child comment on anyone and anything they like and see how popular they end up later in life. Rude is never a good look!

PinkMeringues · 03/04/2009 18:22

Presumably you are anti-smoking yourself but I bet you wouldnt dare say "Yuk! Cigarettes" to two complete strangers - because you know its rude to comment like that, yet you let your DD go right ahead

It's setting a bad example to let your DD make personal comments like that on people no matter what the reason. Who knows when she might comment on someone with something that she finds Yuk but which can't be helped ie birthmarks etc.

Littlepurpleprincess · 03/04/2009 18:31

I'd be dead proud. If children are taught that smoking is gross and allowed to talk openly about it, less of them will grow up to be smokers.

Your say it's rude for a child to talk about a grown up like that but I think it's far more rude to stand outside a children's play area and smoke. If people want to damage their own health that's fine but don't inflict it on the general public, especially not our children.

JuxaLOTmoreChocolate · 03/04/2009 18:32

I wouldn't have apologised, but I would have told dd it was rude to point and shout.

jenkel · 03/04/2009 18:37

We were out the other day and my 5 year old asked me why those people want to die, quietly I must add. I asked her why they were going to die and she said because they were smoking. We dont and have never smoked but I dont think I have told her that, actually quite proud of her in a way as I think that means that she wont smoke when she is older, but was still a bit alarmed.

Fairynufff · 03/04/2009 18:40

YANBU - why do smokers have to do it in entrances so you have to walk through their disgusting smoke to go into a building?
I would have given her a pat on the back and said very loudly "well done".

kittywise · 03/04/2009 18:43

you and your child are rude. Does she get it from you I wonder?

Shambolic · 03/04/2009 18:52

It's not a very compassionate approach is it.

We can't all go around abusing people who do (legal) things we don't like.

It would be a pretty horrible place if we did.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/04/2009 18:57

I'm not a smoker, my father smoked and died a horrible death so I think it's a dirty, disgusting habbit however, I wouldn't want ds to say this infront of a smoker. It's really rude IMO. If he has to walk through a door when there are people smoking outside I teach him to hold his breath, as do I. I do know that we shouldn't have to do this but it's common curtosy, I wouldn't be rude to someone because I didn't like what they are doing and I don't expect a child to do this either.

FigmentOfYourImagination · 03/04/2009 19:03

"At three,they don't hav the right to comment on adult behaviour"

Hmmm, not sure I agree on that. Children don't have the right ? Odd choice of words. Phrases like that mean that terrible things like child abuse are all too easy to hide if you teach children that they are not allowed to say if they think something is wrong.

FWIW, I think you are all getting a bit het up about the OP, yes her DD was possibly a bit more vocal than polite society dictates she should have been but kids, especially 3 year olds, are notorious for saying the sort of things that make their parents want to drop through the floor in horror (even if they are thinking the same thing but are aware of the unspoken social law that says you do not speak it out loud).

I'm not sure OP should have found it 'funny' but I suspect it was in a slightly embarrassed nervous laughter kind of a way. It certainly would be for me. I wouldn;t have apologised to the women who were smoking but I prob would have pulled an akward 'Kids, eh?!' sort of a face and gone on my way, explaining to DD once we were out of earshot that it's not nice to say those sorts of things as it can hurt peoples feelings.

Not one for a great handwringing wailathon

PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 19:15

A little rude tbh, if my ds pointed and shouted at a stranger he would have been told off and i would have said sorry.

HenriettaJones · 03/04/2009 19:19

I agree with princess and fairynuff, good on your DD. We have the right to go on a G8 march and what have you, she has the right to campaign against smoking! (Especially outside a children's play area!) If it had been me, I would have said (loudly) "I know DC, how absolutely disgusting. You are quite right"!

And ditto comments made by figment, there is plenty of time for children to learn tact. At 3 years old it is really unreasonable to expect it, or to assume that you must be rude as a mother for having a 3 year old who says funny (if a little direct) things! YANBU.

(PS, I am a rude mother so I don't mind people having that opinion of me!)

RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg · 03/04/2009 19:19

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RockinSockBunnies · 03/04/2009 20:06

Hmm. I have to admit I feel sympathy with the OP.

We live near a hospital. To access our house, it's necessary to go via a gate, through an alleyway. Right by the gate, all the smokers that aren't allowed to smoke in the hospital grounds, stand and smoke metres from our house. Then drop their fag butts and rubbish all over the floor. Which, after a few weeks, blocks the drains. The council does nothing, so periodically I have to go out there and clean up all their filthy litter. There are literally thousands of cigarette butts there.

So, every time I go to and from my house and smokers are stood there, I do tend to glare at them and ask in a somewhat pointed fashion if they plan to drop their cigarette butts on the floor or if they could be kind enough to put them in the bin (which is approximately two metres from where they are stood).

DD also glares at them and coughs loudly. Some have the grace to look embarrassed. Others are completely oblivious .

So, whilst I tend to insist on good manners from DD, I tend to encourage her anti-smoking attitude.

chipmonkey · 03/04/2009 20:08

Lighten up, people! Three year olds don't know the difference between rude and polite, ds1 didn't anyway and was always embarrassing me but he has lovely manners now!
I would tell her not to point and pass remarks but I know if that had been ds1 at that age he would only have ended up saying something like "Look at me not pointing at the bad people smoking!" if the situation arose again!