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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have found it amusing when dd2 pointed at 2 smokers and and shouted "Yuk! Cigarettes!"?

53 replies

melpomene · 03/04/2009 17:59

We were leaving a Soft Play place and 2 women were standing outside the entrance, smoking. DD2 pointed at them and proclaimed "Yuk! Cigarettes!" in her most booming voice. I found it funny and walked off without looking at the smokers or saying anything to them. I wondered for a bit if I should've apologised, though...

(DD2 is 3. This happened a few weeks ago but I was reminded of it by another thread.)

OP posts:
Original poster
melpomene · 03/04/2009 20:58

Interesting range of responses! It's interesting how some people seem to be taking it very personally, too. My dd2 was not explicitly criticising the people, she was saying the cigarettes were yukky. If she had said 'yukky people smoking', or anything similar to RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg's example, then I definitely would have apologised. I don't think it's at all the same as commenting on someone being fat, which I've explained she mustn't do because it's rude. Smoking is a (bad) habit, not an integral part of someone's appearance or personality. So I think a better analogy would be if a child saw someone dropping litter on the ground and said "yuk! litter!" so that the person dropping the litter heard it.

And yes, I am glad that my dd2 thinks cigarettes are yukky.

OP posts:
allthoseeggsaremine · 03/04/2009 23:09

I would be embarrassed if my child told an adult off, its just not done is it??

2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 03/04/2009 23:11

melpomene so why did you post in AIBU and not somewhere like chat??

allthoseeggsaremine · 03/04/2009 23:11

...just noticed you mentioned your dd wasn't telling the people off more the cigarette. She was, though, making a comment about the actions of an adult in a derogatary (sp!) manner and i would also have found this embarrassing.

Just as i wouldn't want an adult to shout out 'how disgusting' at a child standing there picking its nose!

Littlepurpleprincess · 04/04/2009 07:33

This thread is getting horrible! How dare people accuse an innocent child of being rude! She's 3! She was making and innocent comment. She is not rude.

Can't help but think the majority of those accusing a little girl of being rude, might be smokers.

mankyscotslass · 04/04/2009 07:57

Just be aware. My niece was the biggest anti smoking loud mouthed child you ever saw.

Now at 16 she has been smoking for at least a year.

kittywise · 04/04/2009 09:03

At three she is old enough to know not to shout out at people. She has not been taught that that is not ok.
The op is culpable here though.
It's a shocking attitude to engender in one so young.

I hate it when people smoke in doorways btw.

Those of you anti-smokers who think that what happened is really good would find it fine if the child commented on obese people then?

SobranieCocktail · 04/04/2009 09:16

I would be (gently) disapproving and tell her that it's rude to point and comment, but inwardly I'd be sniggering.

kylesmyloveheart · 04/04/2009 09:23

yes i would have been the child saying 'yuk' and the one that if there was an ash tray in a room would have made a BIG fuss.

and yes now i smoke!!!

Rafi · 04/04/2009 10:12

They shouldn't have been smoking anywhere near the entrance of a kids' place... I'd have told DD that it was rude to say things like that out loud but I'd still have agreed with her point of view.

As much as anything, I'd be worried nowadays that saying something like that in the wrong place could get her beaten up.

HenriettaJones · 04/04/2009 11:06

I would like to second purple princess' comment.

I am quite shocked about the irrationality of some of these arguments!

How is saying it is acceptable to say smoking is disgusting the same as saying obese people are disgusting?!

How does it follow that the OP hasn't taught her DD manners? My DS (4) says please, thank you, and sorry at appropriate times. He knows not to say "poo" at school or in front of strangers or older relatives , and he knows not to call people fat. And yet I would fully support him in telling people off for smoking.

While some people have pointed out that this doesn't mean he will always have this attitude, I would like to point out that I was militantly anti-smoking as a child and I have never been a smoker. (I have tried it, but was always fully aware that I didn't want to smoke regularly)

I agree that children these days can seem a little precocious but this is no reason to say that they are never allowed to voice their opinions to adults.

I think smoking at a child's play centre is despicable and TBH I wish I had the guts to say "yuk how disgusting" instead of being British and "polite"

2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 04/04/2009 11:17

Littlepurpleprincess so what if I smoke
I still think the child is rude, imo a 3 year old can be rude.

daizydoo · 04/04/2009 11:20

Any child is allowed their own opinion, but they have to understand there is a time and a place for voicing these opinions.

Also how long will it be before this child starts commenting on people who look different; different race, someone with a disability?

Mumcentreplus · 04/04/2009 11:29

it was'nt polite...and unless you want to be embarrassed on a regular basis as she gets older I would deal with it...those women were not commiting a crime so less of the theatrics please.

and for the record I was very anti smoking as a child...guess what I do now?

Numberfour · 04/04/2009 11:43

my DS was almost 4 when he saw a man smoking and said "Mummy, that man is smoking. Is he going to be dead in a minute?"

i have no opinion on whether OP's 3 yr old was rude or not. i just wanted to tell my funny story. AIBU?

Stayingsunnygirl · 04/04/2009 12:30

Ds1, aged about 3, met a man on York station who was smoking a pipe. The conversation went as follows:

Ds2 - What is that in your mouth, please man? (Any man he didn't know was called 'man').

Man - It's a pipe.

Ds1 - What are you doing with it, man?

Man - I'm smoking it.

Ds1 - Hmm - you are going to die.

Man -

We did point out to ds1 that this was rude and not to say things like that again - and at the same time, we crossed off the Diplomatic Corps from his list of possible future careers.

Stayingsunnygirl · 04/04/2009 12:32

OOps - sorry, conversation should read ds1 throughout. Must preview before posting.

2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 04/04/2009 12:35

Numberfour that did make me snigger(and wasn't rude)

OneLieIn · 04/04/2009 13:06

I think it is hilarious!

My DS (6) saw a bloke smoking in town and said "That man is cigarette-ing!"

We now never talk about smoking only cigarette-ing. Can't wait til he meets someone with a pipe.

wotulookinat · 04/04/2009 13:16

YANBU. They were being unreasonable by smoking outside a play centre where kids have to walk by them.

NotPlayingAnyMore · 04/04/2009 13:25

Out of the mouths of babes... I think it's far ruder to expose others to smoke. YANBU!

Littlepurpleprincess · 04/04/2009 18:12

^Littlepurpleprincess so what if I smoke
I still think the child is rude, imo a 3 year old can be rude^

Not intentionally. At 3 years old a child does not have any concept or understanding of empathy, therefore they do not not understand what it is to hurt someone else's feelings. They may know that it is hurtful because they have been taught so but they do not kow what hurtful means. She made an innocent comment.

She is 3. You are an adult. Act like it.

MilaMae · 04/04/2009 20:40

Cigarettes ARE yuk.

She's 3 and stating the obvious as 3 year olds do, hardly a crime.

YANBU

allthoseeggsaremine · 04/04/2009 21:00

I would still be disappointed at my child for making a comment about an adult, i would call that rude. I would then tell her/him they were a little rude, my child at that age would have understood.

MilaMae · 04/04/2009 21:05

I don't think a child making a comment about an adult is wrong.

Adults do things that are wrong, children shouldn't be forbidden from voicing that.