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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be surprised and disappointed at some of the attitudes to food and weight I have seen here?

127 replies

SigourneyBeaver · 02/04/2009 19:30

I have a high opinion of Mners.
On the whole, I think Mn is populated by intelligent and often extremely witty people.

However, I have read many posts from women who want to achieve or maintain an unrealistic weight.

I am SO disappointed by this I can't tell you. I was kind of in denial of how obsessed women are by their appearance. This has really got to me. If intelligent women feel this way, is there any hope for our daughters?

OP posts:
moondog · 02/04/2009 21:26

Crappy food doesn't trigger a dose of feel good chemicals in my brain though.It just makes me feel sludgy and depressed.

Mumcentreplus · 02/04/2009 21:29

I think the feel good is the looking/eating not the after effects perhaps?...

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 21:29

Expat my parents (both very healthy doctors) always say, you never see any fat old people... And leave you to draw your own conclusions.

On the other hand I read something recently about eating disorders being diagnosed more in older/old women. The whole only half a tin of soup a day but feeding the cat fillet steak type of thing. It was raised as a good thing that elderly women (notoriously the most undervalued group in our society) were finally getting noticed by the healthcare and study type people. And that being painfully thin when elderly might not always be a "natural" thing...

This debate is raising a lot of interesting issues IMO.

moondog · 02/04/2009 21:31

Well yes, but people know they will be full of slef loathing afterwatrds so why do it/??

I like drinking copious amounts of wine but it makes me feel so unbelievably shit for days afterwards that i rearely do.Just not worth it.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 21:31

Why do you eat it then moondog?

Pitchounette · 02/04/2009 21:31

Message withdrawn

moondog · 02/04/2009 21:32

I don't Shambolic.
Maybe I would if couldn't avoid it (say at a party or someone's house or office do)

Pitchounette · 02/04/2009 21:33

Message withdrawn

allthoseeggsaremine · 02/04/2009 21:40

Thats true, someones post earlier....I eat better than i ever have done, veg, fish,salad,fruit, yoghurt etc., but i am fatter than ever
When i used to exist on diet coke and an apple and tiny piece of cheese a day i was a size 6/8 and looked lovely but felt crap.

piscesmoon · 02/04/2009 21:43

I watched my DS running in a half marathon the other week. There were no fat people running-exercise keeps your weight down.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 21:44

Pitch I knew that would cause a !

It has to be said my parents are quite extreme in their views - i know they think DH and I are lazy fat slobs... And I am sure my bro has an eating disorder but that's another story.

When i look around though I wonder if they have a point. But old for them means 80s/90s/100s, any younger is not old IYSWIM.

Moondog sorry I misread your post. If food which contains fat or sugar makes you gag then fair dos. I'm a fan of good home cooked food though and love a bit of fat... Mmm cheese...

Mumcentreplus · 02/04/2009 21:47

ah well eggy...we need to exercise cos the fat has made a home on us both!..(although I don't want to loose me boobs!)

Pitchounette · 02/04/2009 21:51

Message withdrawn

moondog · 02/04/2009 21:55

Shambolic,I have no issue with sugar or fat at all!
I only have an issue with crap processed food.
I've had a huge wedge of home made birthday cake tonight and enjoyed every mouthful.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 21:58

Didn't want to drop in your estimation there Pitch

TBH I can't get really worked up about this stuff. I know why I am a bit overweight. I know why my DH is quite overweight indeed. Our families and their eating habits hold clues. And we do sod all exercise.

I just can't see the need to have to worry about it all the time. If you're not going to do anything about it, as we aren't at the mo (I'm pg), why not worry about it later, when you actually want to make a change.

I find the whole thing of constant guilt, constant deprivation, constant whatever, such a waste of time.

When I smoked, I smoked. When I decided to stop, it was a struggle, but I stopped. On my two failed attenpts, I flatly refused to feel guilty for something that was giving me pleasure. I accepted that i had failed, thought OK I'll try again later, and smoked happily for a while until my next attempt.

Why the need to feel constantly guilty about something you're not actually going to change? It seems like a waste of time, and ruins the enjoyment of doing the thing in the first place...

expatinscotland · 03/04/2009 08:13

'Expat my parents (both very healthy doctors) always say, you never see any fat old people... And leave you to draw your own conclusions. '

Oh, believe you me, Shambolic, I spent a lot of time with quite elderly skinny dementia patients, anyone who's worked in a nursing home has, and I'd take an earlier death any day over that. I really and truly would.

I hope I die before developing dementia. It is a horrible, slow, awful disease that we see more and more because people are living longer and longer.

Tbh I don't think being that old is all it's cracked up to be.

expatinscotland · 03/04/2009 08:17

I know I'm overweight now, BMI 27.3 and 11st., 2lbs., because I have low thyroid after childbirth.

I just had to increase the dose on the thyroxine because the symptoms aren't shifting.

So I know the weight will go - I exercise daily, eat well, etc.

But I also find when it comes to weight and food there's an awful lot of misogyny about.

Longtalljosie · 03/04/2009 08:30

Mumcentreplus, do you mean size 16/18 is obese for you and your height? Because it certainly wouldn't be for me. I'm actually a 12, but could cheerfully get up to a 16 or so at my 5'11" height (indeed, more or less did) without even really knocking into the overweight category.

I wouldn't ever judge someone for their weight, and for people I don't care about, really don't give it a second thought. However, those I love who are obese do worry me, because I want them still to be with me when I'm wrinkly and I worry that's less likely. But should I point it out? No, I don't think so. They're intelligent, they know the risks as well as I do. And I could get knocked down by a bus tomorrow, much good my healthy BMI would do me then.

BalloonSlayer · 03/04/2009 09:25

Shambolic, what's the conclusion you are meant to draw from the statement that you don't see fat old people?

That's not meant to be sarky, I am just not sure what you meant.

Do you mean that if you are fat you die young? Or that as you get old you eat less?

(I actually have known several extremely old people who are very fat. My step-grandmother was morbidly obese her entire life but lasted into her nineties. Her kids are all the same - stones and stones overweight and all in their seventies and still going strong. However, I know that these are the equivalent of the people who smoke 60 a day and live to be 80)

expatinscotland · 03/04/2009 09:50

My 92-year-old grandmother was definitely obese.

Died of heart failure.

Sharp as a tack till her dying day.

cory · 03/04/2009 10:26

Shambolic Thu 02-Apr-09 21:29:41 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster

"Expat my parents (both very healthy doctors) always say, you never see any fat old people... "

I know several older people who are fat. One of them will probably soon have to his second leg amputated due to weight related diabetes. Another one is also quite ill with diabetes and I don't like the look of her feet at all.

Unfortunately, weight related diseases don't always offer a quick way out, a merciful alternative to dementia. Their consequences can also be painful and lingering.

I don't judge people on their appearance. I did. I used to think my MIL's voluminous appearance was a wonderful expression of her joyous personality. Unfortunately, she is not so joyous any more...

I used to think she was one of the people who could get away with it, who could drink and eat as much as they wanted and never come to any harm. Now she has come to harm

sachertorte · 03/04/2009 10:39

Hi OP, I think I know where you´re coming from.. In real life certainly, I always seem to be surrounded by women who are basically in shape but spend an incredible amount of time thinking about food and how to consume fewer calories, whether they are allowed another crispbread or not... not to mention bitching about who has put on weight. These have NEVER been women with a weight problem. I do have a weight "problem" I suppose but eat well basically and exercise so it doesn´t bother me.

I am very careful to provide a good role model for my kids re food and talk and read about food groups, what is healthy or not.. I think this is all we can do. I hope that a diet early on that has only limited junk food helps develop a taste for the good stuff, fingers crossed!

EasterBunnysWizzskas · 03/04/2009 11:35

There is nothing wrong with taking responsibility for your weight - it is part of looking after your health. Many mumsnetters are on some sort of diet but I see nothing wrong with this (am doing Weight Watchers at the moment myself to lose 10 lbs and make myself feel good for the summer, had spent too long in the past year bf on the sofa and eating biscuits). I try and maintain a healthy weight and reasonable standard of fitness. I have not seen any other Mumsnetters obsessing about being a size 0 or similar to be super sleb skinny.

Shambolic · 03/04/2009 12:55

ballonslayer what they are gatting at is that people who live to a ripe old age are generally not very overweight, due to the health problems it causes. Diabetes and heart disease being the obvious ones.

I haven't mingled with enough old people to have made that observation myself but it's what they say and it is part of their line of work. Certianly my DFIL is very overweight and has diabetes, heart problems and high blood pressure, it is a real worry, especailly for me as DH has his body shape to a tee. DFIL is only 65 and at the hospital the whole time.

The trick is to be old and in full possession of your faculties and in good health. How you achieve that is another question - I suppose do the obvious things but genes and luck come into it as well. Agree with expat on that score - just getting very old is no good thing if you have lost your physical or mental faculties.

Mumcentreplus · 03/04/2009 13:10

I'm obese according to the BMI but I'm fitter than many smaller people I know ...I just think the word conjures up all night biscuit munching,unbridled cake scoffing, sofa sized thighs and albatross bingo wings and I don't do or have either..

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