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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be surprised and disappointed at some of the attitudes to food and weight I have seen here?

127 replies

SigourneyBeaver · 02/04/2009 19:30

I have a high opinion of Mners.
On the whole, I think Mn is populated by intelligent and often extremely witty people.

However, I have read many posts from women who want to achieve or maintain an unrealistic weight.

I am SO disappointed by this I can't tell you. I was kind of in denial of how obsessed women are by their appearance. This has really got to me. If intelligent women feel this way, is there any hope for our daughters?

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 02/04/2009 20:50

But the thing is, Idrank, overweight people KNOW that... I know I'm overweight because I eat too much. Well, too much of the wrong stuff.

But why is it anyone else's place to judge? I'm happy and confident, I don't need validation from anyone except me.

Mumcentreplus · 02/04/2009 20:50

facts are as 'people' we judge..I've seen some sights and commented..but that does not mean it's right..it's just being human...so to me it's not the same as commenting on a person who chooses to be in the light...although I do wonder what the size 24 (at least) lady wearing skin tight leopard from head to toe was thinking?? (it's true)..but you have to admire that level of confidence ..

cory · 02/04/2009 20:52

I am torn on this one.

On the one hand, I do agree with people accepting their bodies and there being nothing wrong with overweight as long as you are healthy.

On the other hand, my lovely MIL, whom I always used to hold up as an example of healthy overweight and overeating, has just been diagnosed with diabetes and is quite ill with it. The doctors have said that it is clearly weight related. I just wish it wasn't happening to her

One of my friends, again not noted for healthy eating, has also just been diagnosed, and he is quite young.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 20:54

Maybe we only judge about things which are important to us.

Maybe it says more about who we are than about the people we are talking about...

oregonianabroad · 02/04/2009 20:55

And that's exactly the thing: standards of beauty are culturally relative and fluid. At the moment, thin figures are reverred in Western culture.

What if you don't fit into this mold? Should you hide in a tent dress?

Why should the size 24 woman be ashamed of her body because it doesn't fit into our culture's current ideal of female beauty? Why not wear a skin tight leopard print (ugh, now that's where I draw the line) body suit??

moondog · 02/04/2009 20:55

Oregon,my question wasn't whether you are fat.That has nothing to do with me. It was this

'Oregon, where' the cut off point then.
Am I allowed to judge, nay note that someone who is 4 stone overweight needs to lose it?

How about 3 stone?
2 stone?
A stone?

Where does one draw the line between it being a question of opinion and a statement of fact?'

oregonianabroad · 02/04/2009 20:57

I'd say that the line should be determined by the medical profession, moondog -- sorry, I didn't realise that was what you were asking.

moondog · 02/04/2009 21:00

Well I 'm sorry if I offended you and you felt pushed into revealing personal information about yourself.

To me, ther joy of internet is we can express and listen to opinions without being swayed by the judgements and opinios we all form of people when meeting them in the flesh.

allthoseeggsaremine · 02/04/2009 21:01

I need to lose weight. Used to be obsessed and if i think back, and i am honest i may have been bordering on an eating disorder. Now i am not happy being over weight but obviously not bothered enough to do something about it I do try occassionally but i don't seem to be able to lose much

I don't comment on anyone else though, i do look as i like to check out what people are wearing and wonder if i dare wear it!

oregonianabroad · 02/04/2009 21:08

You didn't offend me, moondog.

And I don't mind being fat, or telling people I am. It's part of who I am.

What I don't like, and what I want to challenge, is the negative connotations and assumptions that surround weight and size. So, I guess what bothered me in your posts (and correct me if I got this wrong) was the attitude that if we met, you would think, 'She needs to lose a few pounds' or something along those lines.

It's a bit limiting to make judgements based on one's appearance.

Othersideofthechannel · 02/04/2009 21:08

SigourneyBeaver is disappointed that many intelligent women are obsessed with their appearance, particularly their weight.

For me, many female influences in my younger life reinforced the view that wanting to make the most of yourself physically was incompatible with making the most of yourself intellectually.

So it was quite a pleasant eye opener to discover intelligent posters on MN on 'heavy' threads and also on 'style and beauty' threads.

Mumcentreplus · 02/04/2009 21:08
moondog · 02/04/2009 21:12

Oregonian,it doesn't make sense though.On one hand people like you exhort overweight women to liberate themselves, think dress and act as they want without hangups or worries about other people.
However, you are trying to censor the thoughts of people who are doing just that.

People always have and always will mkae snap judgements based on appearence.It's almost a reflex
'God s/he's fat/tall/pretty/blue eyed/dressed in a sack.

After that initial opinion though, most people move onto the deeper stuff.

Mumcentreplus · 02/04/2009 21:13

but then..which is more wrong??...tbh I would have commented if she was thin or fat...it was just wrong on many levels (realises she may be a hypocrite)...hahaha

Pitchounette · 02/04/2009 21:14

Message withdrawn

oregonianabroad · 02/04/2009 21:16

Sorry, I'm not sure if it's correct to say I'd like to censor people's thoughts.

What I'd like is to live in a world where we didn't make so many assumptions about people based on the way they look. I realise that's unrealistic.

moondog · 02/04/2009 21:17

'It would be better to try to tackle the reasons why some people have unhealty relationship with foods. But that might be a more diturbing thought'

Too much choice.
Not enough discipline.
Not enough exercise.

That's why. But most people prefer to think it is to do with complicated sociological reasons at the highest level.

There's noone fat her in Bangladesh (apart from v rich) because there isn't enough food quite frankly.

Pitchounette · 02/04/2009 21:17

Message withdrawn

moondog · 02/04/2009 21:18

OB,wouldn't we all!
It's not the way it will ever be though.
Did you not have an opinion on your dh/best friend/colleagues when you first met them, based on appearence?

oregonianabroad · 02/04/2009 21:18

HOOOORRRRAAAYYY Pitchounette.

Well said.

piscesmoon · 02/04/2009 21:20

'If you're size 24 you're obese and at an increased risk of most serious disease. It's not healthy.'

I haven't seen anyone with an unrealistic wish to slim. I agree with the above statement. Overeating is as bad as starving yourself. It is too complacent to be sitting saying that women should be happy with their bodies if their weight is unhealthy.

Pitchounette · 02/04/2009 21:21

Message withdrawn

Mumcentreplus · 02/04/2009 21:24

Size 16/18 is obese..and for a fact I know I'm fitter than people smaller...but I need to put time aside to exercise..before I had children I was 10/12 and tbh I ate very badly..now i eat more healthy..but I'm fat!! aint it a bitch!..lol

expatinscotland · 02/04/2009 21:25

Anyone ever worked in a hospice or nursing home?

If you have, you'd have noticed just how many of the dementia patients who sadly don't know who they are anymore are stick thin women.

Talk to their families, look at their pictures.

They were always like that.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 21:25

Thanks Pitch I was feeling all philosophical

IMO.... The reason we are all too fat is that we (for evolutionary reasons) enjoy the taste of fat & sweet. (Maybe salt too? Not so sure on that one).

Crappy foods are full of these things. But they trigger happy vibes in the brain in the way that a good dose of vegetables doesn't.

Some bloke on the radio said that it's not surprsing everyone is so fat, food is everywhere, it is designed to trigger all our brains happy-centres, it is advertised to the hilt, it is extremely cheap. It takes a truly extraordinary person to overcome all that.

In all honesty most people I know are either too fat or too thin. Or think they are too fat or too thin. Either having "issues" with food or over-indulging. In our society there seems to be no happy medium.

Well except for children and even that is being eroded