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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should the school fete still take place following the death of a pupil?

58 replies

DunderMifflin · 02/04/2009 11:31

I'm purposely not giving many details here, but my DD came home yesterday with the horrible and shocking news that a pupil who she knew had died. The child has other siblings at the school.

So, should the school fete go ahead this afternoon?

I'm questioning this in my own mind because I'm not really one for the Princess Di/Jade Goody public outpourings - although those are undoubtedly sad, I didn't know them but this is obviously a lot closer to home.

OP posts:
Original poster
DunderMifflin · 02/04/2009 11:32

whom

OP posts:
potoftea · 02/04/2009 11:35

No it most certainly shouldn't go ahead. It's a bit tasteless I think.

It doesn't matter whether the pupil was well known by everyone or not, it's just a mark of respect.

A pupil in my ds's school died recently, and a group who were due to represent the school in a competition that day, pulled out, just out of respect. They were obviously disappointed, because they'd done a lot of preparing for the competition, and didn't even know the pupil personally, but they realised it was the right thing to do.

islandofsodor · 02/04/2009 11:36

Yes it should go on. Life is for the living not the dead and the fete will presumably take the children's minds off the awful thing which has happened.

Of course there should be time out for reflection and grieving if need be and the teachers will need to keep a look out for how the child's friends are doing.

rempy · 02/04/2009 11:37

Yes, it should. Perhaps with a public acknowledgement of the death.

islandofsodor · 02/04/2009 11:38

One of our students suffered a close bereavement recently and his mum was mos concern3ed that things should go on as normal and coming to our activity helped him to cope.

ScottishMummy · 02/04/2009 11:39

dreadful about the pupil perhaps HT could open fete with acknowledgement of bereavement

hippipotamiHasLost14Pounds · 02/04/2009 11:39

I think it should go ahead. The pupil him/herself would probably have loved the fete so it should definately go ahead but with a dedication to said pupil at the start. And perhaps instead of all funds going to the PTA/school some can go towards a charity relevant to said pupil.

throckenholt · 02/04/2009 11:39

I would say yes - go ahead, and make an announcement so everyone knows - and make it a tribute to the child who should have been there enjoying it with the rest of you.

Was is sudden ?

Original poster
DunderMifflin · 02/04/2009 11:41

These posts reflect everything I'm feeling - from no it shouldn't to yes it should...

Yes, it was sudden and unexpected.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 02/04/2009 11:45

Yes it should. Alot of time and energy will have gone into preparing the school fete. Children in other years at the school probably won't know the child anyway. If it was just a class celebration I'd say possibly not, but a fete for the whole school should go on, I agree with an acknowledgement of the child's death at the opening of it.
If one of my children died I don't see how cancelling a school fete would benefit me or the kids in my children's classes in any way.

Sorrento · 02/04/2009 11:46

Yes it should.

paisleyleaf · 02/04/2009 11:56

i think it should
with an acknowledgement
it'll perhaps be nice for people to get together

diedandgonetodevon · 02/04/2009 11:59

I think it should go ahead in memory of the dead child.

MmeLindt · 02/04/2009 12:00

I agree with Hippi, perhaps the money raised could go to a charity connected to the death of the child.

I do think that it would be better to carry on with the fete and dedicate it to the child.

How large is the school?

Ohforfoxsake · 02/04/2009 12:08

Yes it should, if the family are happy for it to.

We had a similar thing. The proceeds went to the childs family, they came because they wanted to be where their child liked to be. It also gives the children a chance to think and talk about it in familiar surroundings.

Its a shocking thing to happen, but it should be acknowledged and be made part of the fete.

Blu · 02/04/2009 12:11

Yes, it should - but I agree, some public acknowledgement of the pupil and message of sympathy to the family.

Sassybeast · 02/04/2009 12:14

I would assume that the family are happy ? If they haven't been consulted then YANBU to think that they should be asked their feelings - I suspect that most families in a similar situation (mine included) would want it to go ahead.

smudgethepuppydog · 02/04/2009 12:22

Whatever decision is taken someone, somewhere in the school community will disagree. There is no black and white answer.

TrillianEAstraEgg · 02/04/2009 12:28

Yes, it should. With some little speech or something 'in remembrance' of the child.

I like the suggestion of a portion of the proceeds going to a relevant charity, maybe ask the parents to choose.

purpleduck · 02/04/2009 12:39

Yes it should - def with an acknowledgement.
How sad
The school fetes are generally the biggest fundraisers of the year and they take literally hundreds of volunteer hours to organise, and usually can't be re-scheduled without losing some money (ie deposits for bouncy castles etc). Schools generally really need the money, so yes I think it should go ahead.
But, I would also feel uncomfortable about it.

ingles2 · 02/04/2009 12:44

I agree with the vast majority. It should go ahead. Life does go on unfortunately.
How very though

Original poster
DunderMifflin · 02/04/2009 13:04

Thanks everyone - its good to hear that people don't think I'm either being mawkish or insensitive.

I'm not sure the family's thoughts - I imagine that as it only happened this week the school fete is the last thing on their minds.

The school has about 300 pupils.

OP posts:
2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 02/04/2009 13:11

imo it should go ahead.
so sad for the poor family.
when children die at dd's school things continue as normal, with extra support for class mates.

newgirl · 02/04/2009 13:14

what a sad dreadful thing

i doubt the parents care two hoots about the fete to be honest

may as well carry on and perhaps use proceeds to donate to a relevant charity/plants a garden at the school?

Iklboo · 02/04/2009 13:16

I think so - with maybe a minute's silence or public announcement