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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To snap wait a minute at my Mum

56 replies

Wigglesworth · 30/03/2009 14:18

Whenever I visit my parents with my 8 month old DS I just never feel comfortable, mainly around my Mum. The second I walk through the door my Mum has her arms held out as if to demand "give him to me now", and it winds me up something chronic. I usually just turn away from her or don't make eye contact and ignore her.
Yesterday I went to visit with DS and I had his bag on my shoulder and him in the other arm and I bent down to set it onto the floor, she went to snatch him out of my hands and I just snapped and said "wait a minute will you". She remained quiet for a while and backed off a bit, I did give him to her after about 5 mins, so it's not like I don't want her to hold him.
It just pisses me off, I usually tell DS that I am going to hand him over such as "just go to * a minute while mummy does whatever", I think it is not only rude but disrespectful to just snatch him away. AIBU, I know I should relax a little but I just feel like she is competition all the time, there is other stuff too that pisses me off.

OP posts:
Simnelbellavita · 30/03/2009 14:19

Well when mine where babies - she would dash to the car as soon as she saw us pulling up and that would be it - car door opened, baby out and away!! YANBU

squeaver · 30/03/2009 14:20

Hmm this is a bigger issue than wanting to give her grandson a cuddle as soon as he arrives at her house isn't it?

Stretch · 30/03/2009 14:21

Bigger issue or not, I think it's rude. Not even a hi, let me take him for you? Should have given her your bag instead!

QuantitativeMeasure · 30/03/2009 14:21

Am I being unreasonable topic has a lot to answer for

reikizen · 30/03/2009 14:21

It doesn't sound like much to me, dp and I laugh about how we are virtually ignored when we turn up to my parent's house with the kids. Is is possible she just really loves him, wants a cuddle and doesn't realise how you feel? How would you feel if she had no interest in giving him a hug!? But, I appreciate that there is always more than meets the eye in these situations, they are about more than just this incident iyswim.

VinegarTitsTheVirginNun · 30/03/2009 14:22

I think you are being a bit harsh, she is his granny and just excited to see him, i dont see why you have to wait to hand him over

ilovetochat · 30/03/2009 14:23

yanbu at all, my dd takes time to warm to people, even her grandparents and being snatched away can make them anxious.

Simnelbellavita · 30/03/2009 14:24

I think as with me the op feels she has no control over her own family, like she has to give up all rights to her ds.

jumpingbeans · 30/03/2009 14:26

You do sound a bit dramtic, i doubt she would have snatched him from you, wait till you have a couple more little ones, you will throw them at your mum as soon as she opens the door sounds a bit pfb

Disenchanted3 · 30/03/2009 14:26

You sound mean.

VinegarTitsTheVirginNun · 30/03/2009 14:27

Jumping beans, i thought the same but didnt want to be the first to say it

I practically throw ds2 at the in laws when we go to visit

dogtanianrocks · 30/03/2009 14:28

YABU, she only wants to help

hunkermunker · 30/03/2009 14:30

It sounds as though there is a lot more to it than just this - perhaps your mum undermines you with feeding, sleep, potential thoughts on discipline, etc - and maybe you're finding it hard to reconcile the way she talks about how she'd ideally do things with how you were brought up.

Or I could be talking rubbish, it's perfectly possible.

Word of caution though, if you don't furnish the thread with more details, you may well get eaten alive by the less perceptive on here

Fairynufff · 30/03/2009 14:30

YABU - your mum is only doing what I have seen hundreds of Grannies doing (my own mum included). I was bloody glad of it and my children now have their own special bond and unique relationship with her. If I had slapped her away I and my children would have lost out on a lot.

jumpingbeans · 30/03/2009 14:31

My dd is the worst, when she had her first, we almost had to make an appointment to look at him, now, her car pulls on the drive and it's " dad, make me a coffee, mum get the kids out the car"

QuantitativeMeasure · 30/03/2009 14:33

There has to be more to this.

Stretch · 30/03/2009 14:33

Still think it's rude to just try to snatch.

Surely she could say hi and let me help first? I would expect that with anyone and I have 3 DCs so not pfb!

OrmIrian · 30/03/2009 14:34

Unless there is a lot more to it than you have said yabu.

sandpebbles · 30/03/2009 14:36

YABVU. i'm surprised she invites you to visit tbh if you treat her like that!

ilove · 30/03/2009 14:36

YABU

jumpingbeans · 30/03/2009 14:37

Was she like this with the other two, sorry about the pfb comment, but it did sound like that.

Fairynufff · 30/03/2009 14:37

Grandparents who love their grandchildre are overly demonstrative so whilst the OP saw her mother 'snatching' the child the mother probably saw it as 'scooping him up for a big cuddle'. I think the OP is precious and probably has other issues as people have said.

francagoestohollywood · 30/03/2009 14:38

Yabu, unless your relationship with your mother is a complicated one.

Fairynufff · 30/03/2009 14:40

Even if her relationship with the mother is 'a complicated one' - the mum isn't actually doing anything loads of other Grandparents don't do. There is nothing sinister or unnatural about her behaviour IMO.

ChippingIn · 30/03/2009 14:41

She waits until you get to the door - most unusual... normally they are whipped out of the car seat by grandparents!

Honestly, just try to enjoy the fact that she clearly adores him and be grateful she doesn't live with you , surrender him the minute you see her, don't fight it, then it wont be an issue for you that she is 'snatching' (which by the way, does make you sound like a small child with a toy!!).

When you see someone you love, you hug them when you see them (if you're that kind of a person), you don't wait 5-10 minutes then hug them...

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