To snap wait a minute at my Mum

[Wigglesworth]

Whenever I visit my parents with my 8 month old DS I just never feel comfortable, mainly around my Mum. The second I walk through the door my Mum has her arms held out as if to demand "give him to me now", and it winds me up something chronic. I usually just turn away from her or don't make eye contact and ignore her.
Yesterday I went to visit with DS and I had his bag on my shoulder and him in the other arm and I bent down to set it onto the floor, she went to snatch him out of my hands and I just snapped and said "wait a minute will you". She remained quiet for a while and backed off a bit, I did give him to her after about 5 mins, so it's not like I don't want her to hold him.
It just pisses me off, I usually tell DS that I am going to hand him over such as "just go to * a minute while mummy does whatever", I think it is not only rude but disrespectful to just snatch him away. AIBU, I know I should relax a little but I just feel like she is competition all the time, there is other stuff too that pisses me off.

Oh, and I do think that good grandparents, just like good partners, are those that realise you need to feel supported so that in turn you have the emotional resources to support your DCs.

Hi screaming, yes she can be bitchy towards me. I think she is bitter cos I have made more of my life than her, I have a career and lived my life before settling down and getting married and having a family. My Dad's parents got very heavily involved in the first five years of my DB's life and my Mum was constantly round their house with him at their demand, which I think she thought I would be doing too. They see our DS at least once if not twice a week.
I think she also HATES the fact that I don't rely on her for everything, when I had DS she constantly offered to help me with housework and looking after baby, which was a lovely offer but which I didn't need to take her up on. She is incredibly helpful at times and I am very grateful to her for that but I NEVER take the piss and take advantage of her. DH had nearly 2 months paternity leave and when he went back to work he had to work away but I managed just fine when he wasn't here. TBH I didn't really need her help but part of me didn't want it anyway as she has a tendency to be quite overbearing. She just said that I was being stubborn. Her and my Dad phoned me literally everyday and texted me several times a day offering to come round and help and telling me that DH and I should go out and they will babysit to which we replied thanks for the offer but we are ok for now. It really did feel like they were trying to get rid of us, the first time we did go out and leave DS with them for a couple of hours whilst we went to see some friends at their house. We were dropping him off (he was 3 weeks old) and we were saying goodbye to him and giving them the usual if any problems ring us speech etc and they were just like "go, go leave him he'll be fine" and all but shoved us out of the door, we didn't even get to give him a kiss.
I think this is why I feel a bit PFB about him and threatened, it made me feel really sad when DS was tiny because I didn't feel comfortable around my own parents with my baby which is an awful feeling. I have lost count of how many sleepless nights I had worrying about it at first (maybe hormones were there too) but now I just deal with it and tackle it when it pisses me off to a point were I lose my rag. Sad really, and breathe.

I can completely understand where you are coming from.
She doesn't seem to be able to step back a bit and see what you need.

Oh make a joke of it...

My DDs immediately start on "can you put the telly on cbeebies and make me a snack and look at my pciture and take my shoes off" as soon as we even approach the front door...

I brush it off with a jolly "let me actually get through the door first" and that always buys me 5 minutes to put my 3 bags down, take my coat off, take their coats off and actually breathe...

Well< I think YABU, but hten I've always thrust my babies at my mohter as soon as I walk through the door. Now they're older they throw themselves at her for a hug.

Wigglesworth - don't you get it? ALL grandparents want to feel that they're needed. I make up excuses for mine to 'help' and make sure that in ear shot of their friends I say how I couldn't possible manage without them. Its all about making them feel proud and useful and giving them something they can bore their friends shitless with 'how busy with the grandchildren' they are. But they treated me like a princess when I was growing up and it's my little way of repaying them for years of love and attention. Plus the help is a bonus and the bond with the grandchildren is really, really special.

Your mother is "bitchy" towards you because while you are desparatley proving how fiercley indepedent you are - she doesn't give a shit about that - so you are fiercely independent? Well done. She just wants to be part of your life.