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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want my dd to be able to keep a box of toys in the sitting room?

61 replies

LissyGlitter · 29/03/2009 16:06

We have two lodgers in our house, and when we went away for a week recently we came back to find that one of the housemates had moved all of my 2yo dds toys up to her bedroom-they were tidily stacked in two boxes at the side of the living room! I'm six weeks pg so don't really want to be traisping up and down stairs every time my dd wants to play with anything. Then again, the housemate isn't very smypathetic to me having kids, she won't let us have the pram up in the hall, we have to fold it up every time we come in, and when I told her I was pregnant, her reaction was to tell me off for leaving a pregnancy test "all over" the bathroom (I'd left the instruction leaflet ontop of some drawers) Am I being all child brained or should she have expected a little bit of mess when she moved in with a family?

OP posts:

mloo · 29/03/2009 16:07

Your lodgers are dictating how you organise your house?

ellingwoman · 29/03/2009 16:08

Sorry, I thought this was YOUR house....

TheProvincialLady · 29/03/2009 16:08

Are they lodgers or housemates with equal rights? If the former then read her the riot act - it is your house and you can do what you like in it!

Ledodgy · 29/03/2009 16:08

She is out of order. It's your house!

clam · 29/03/2009 16:09

Lodgers? Or housemates? Whose house is it? If it's yours then she can take a running jump. If you're sharing on an equal basis, then you need to negotiate a compromise of some sort.

differentEggD · 29/03/2009 16:09

um, WHO owns the house?

Simnelbellavita · 29/03/2009 16:09

Your house, your rules, your stuff.

Mutt · 29/03/2009 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jacksmama · 29/03/2009 16:09

Your renter is slagging you off for what you're doing IN YOUR OWN HOUSE????

I'd be telling her to find somewhere else to live!! She won't let you have YOUR pram in YOUR hall??? What a cheeky cowbag!!!

clam · 29/03/2009 16:09

Think we all cross-posted there!

willowthewispa · 29/03/2009 16:11

Whether or not you're being unreasonable depends on whether they're housemates or lodgers.

differentEggD · 29/03/2009 16:11

You need to terminate the agreement ASAP

Nabster · 29/03/2009 16:11

If it is your house then they are out of order and I would sort this NOW before the next baby comes along.

Original poster

LissyGlitter · 29/03/2009 16:13

It's a complex situation, me and my boyfriend rent the house, then sublet it to the wo lodgers. Only the girl in question goes mad if we call her a lodger, she says she's a housemate as it's not our house. But it's us who are stuck with the rent for the empty room and if she leaves its us who will be left having to pay her rent.

OP posts:

clam · 29/03/2009 16:14

Does the landlord know you've sub-let it?

TheProvincialLady · 29/03/2009 16:14

Nothing complex about it. She is your lodger and you are her landlady as she pays rent to you, not to your landlord/lady. Tell her to sling her hook if she can't Know Her Place!

snice · 29/03/2009 16:14

She pays rent to you - she's your lodger

SomeMightSay · 29/03/2009 16:15

If she is a lodger then tell her to fuck off and that there are plenty of people who'd be happy to rent your spare room with or without the full use of the rest of your house.
My dad has lodgers, they rent his spare room, they obviously have the use of the kitchen, bathroom etc, but they are renting a room, not the house.
I can understand if you're not there for 2 weeks, they move dd stuff out of the way until you return, but tbh, you shouldn't be letting other people tell you what and where you can have things.
If she is a 'house-mate' rather than a lodger (very different) then you need to sit down and find the middle ground. Maybe dd can have her toy box in the living room during the day, but it goes back upstairs when she goes to bed?

differentEggD · 29/03/2009 16:15

Does the wording of your tenancy agreement allow for subletting- if it doesn't then you could be in for a whole heap of trouble.

She is still a lodger as she doesn't pay rent directly to the owner of the house.

JaquelinehydeAllTheEggs · 29/03/2009 16:16

I would bring the toys back down and some more, put the pushchair up in the hall and then leave a few leaflets on b-feeding and piles in the bathroom.

If she has the damn cheek to question it or try and remove it I would put her firmly in her place.

willowthewispa · 29/03/2009 16:16

If you're legitimately subletting, your name is on the tenancy agreement and she pays rent to you - then YANBU. You need to sort the situation out before the new baby arrives, tell her what's what - it's your house and you'll leave the toys and pram where you like. Obviously you have to be considerate as you are living with her, but she moved in to a family home so she has to expect some family things about the place.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 29/03/2009 16:17

I couldnt live with someone who obviously didnt 'blend' with my family life. How stressful....especially with another baby on the way! Why does she live with a family anyway? Surely she would be better doing a house share or something. To be honest when I was childless it would have been my worst nightmare to have lived with a couple and their child.....I dont think they would have appreciated how I lived either. But it is her choice to be there...if she doesnt like it she should leave. Or could you find somewhere else before the baby comes?

SomeMightSay · 29/03/2009 16:18

Just seen your second post. I fully agree with everyone else. She sounds horrible, tell her to get out asap and find someone else. There is no shortage of people looking to rent a room, you will not be left with rent you can't afford. Advertise on gumtree or somewhere but make it clear to the next lodger that they are a lodger and are renting a room. They can use the kitchen and the bathroom but esentially it is your family home and you donnot expect to be introded upon.

clam · 29/03/2009 16:21

She sounds a bit difficult, to be honest. Complaining about this and that, moving your stuff and "going mad" if you refer to her as a lodger.
Not conducive to a relaxed family home...

Original poster

LissyGlitter · 29/03/2009 16:21

Clam- yes the landlord knows, he gave it us cheaper as he doesn't have to organise a load of housemates, he just has to collect the rent off us every month.

The girl is an old friend, who moved into our old house with us and had no problem with the pram/toys. Then she went away for the summer and we moved house, and when she came back she was suddenly really negative. I actually offered her the whole house as we are trying to move away and she refused, saying she didn't want the responsibility of a whole house. She has the biggest bedroom out of the entire house and gets rent, all bills included (plus her boyfriend stays over about half the week) for £250 pcm, and had the cheek a few weeks ago to send me an internet message asking how much my bills are and whether she is paying too much!

OP posts:

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