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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my dd to be able to keep a box of toys in the sitting room?

61 replies

LissyGlitter · 29/03/2009 16:06

We have two lodgers in our house, and when we went away for a week recently we came back to find that one of the housemates had moved all of my 2yo dds toys up to her bedroom-they were tidily stacked in two boxes at the side of the living room! I'm six weeks pg so don't really want to be traisping up and down stairs every time my dd wants to play with anything. Then again, the housemate isn't very smypathetic to me having kids, she won't let us have the pram up in the hall, we have to fold it up every time we come in, and when I told her I was pregnant, her reaction was to tell me off for leaving a pregnancy test "all over" the bathroom (I'd left the instruction leaflet ontop of some drawers) Am I being all child brained or should she have expected a little bit of mess when she moved in with a family?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 29/03/2009 21:00

I'm going to come in with a different opinion. When you share a house, you need to compromise. She is paying rent too so it is her home as well. I would not have a problem with toys being removed when I'd been away - you weren't there so what does it matter? If she kept moving them when you are there, that would be different. Leaving empty bottles in the living room and washing up left for a day or so is fine in a home you do not share with anyone but in shared accommodation, you have to be more considerate.

If you want to live however you like with no compromises, you have to live in a home with no lodgers. Obviously she has to compromise too - leaving the toys in a tidy box in the living room when you're not away is one example.

Yes, she should expect some mess when moving in with a family but you should expect to make adjustments when having a lodger.

mumeeee · 30/03/2009 22:00

She pays rent so she is your lodger and she should not be dictacting what you do in your house, A two year old needs to have toys downstairs, Now on the subject of subleting does your landlord know youare doing thios and is it legal?

TweetleBeetle · 30/03/2009 22:22

Great age gap we have 2y3m between DD1 and 2.

Your lodger sounds hoorendous.

We had something similar when my cousin lived with us for a couple of years - this waspre kids, but she treated theplace like hme - hers not ours.

Things came to a head when I politely mentioned that leaving her hair in the plug hole was not nice and please clean up after herself like I had to. She had a right go at me, about how I left rubbish everywhere (I don't, I'm a neat freak known as Monica, unfotunately DH is not!) but I ignored that and told her that I could leave whatever I wanted to as it was my house, if she wasn;t happy with a full bin - empty it, if she thought the floor was messy, theres the mop.

Things did improve after that, however I wasn;t sad when she left

Original poster
LissyGlitter · 30/03/2009 22:26

mumeee-yes our landlord does know

I had a meeting with the landlord tonight, he's advertising the house everywhere, and as soon as we find someone we just need to give the lodgers one months notice and we're outta here!

OP posts:
Jackbunnysmama · 31/03/2009 00:17

Oh good, that's nice of your landlord. Good luck with finding a new house!

Meanwhile, I'd leave some Post-it notes of your own... along the lines of "if you can't say anything nice, keep your bloody trap shut you twunt don't say anything at all".

solidgoldbrass · 31/03/2009 00:27

I am getting the slight impression that you think you are 'better' than her because you have a partner and children, and that your needs matter more than hers,which may explain her resentful behaviour.
However it sounds like you will all be going your separate ways soon, so why not just put up with each other till then?

LadyOfWaffle · 31/03/2009 00:40

Geez you poor woman! It doesn't sound pleasant at all. Soupy has a point, but then I do not think snide post its are the way to go! £250 inc. bills is a complete joke (I mean to turn your nose up at). I would imagine just her share of the bills should really come to nearly that! For £250 a month I'd sleep in your bathroom and make your DD toys!

Longtalljosie · 31/03/2009 06:53

Could you and nice lodger not manage the extra £250 between you?

Then you could call a house meeting and tell her it's not working out, that you need to live somewhere where you feel able to leave the pram in the hall, and the toybox in the living room. And just give her her notice. Then she'll see who's the lodger.

She won't talk to you again - but tbh there's always a risk of that when a friend becomes a housemate. I shared with a friend from school and it went sour when she painted her room without putting newspaper down, and then told the estate agent the paint on the carpet must have been put there by the rest of us . These things happen.

giraffescantdancethetango · 31/03/2009 07:14

flatmatesanonymous.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=20&Itemid=54

Hopefully you will be out of there soon. And you can maturely do as I did when I had a leaving date from my flatmate from hell at Uni - remain polite but guarded at all times. (while secretly counting down in your head the number of days you have left )

nomoreamover · 31/03/2009 11:05

so it sounds like you are in effect the landlords "house manager" - or sort of "agent" yes?

In which case you are alpha female she is simply the lodger.....end of.

Perhaps landlord could back you up in saying she is the lodger?

That gives you the right to tell her to wind her neck in

BonsoirAnna · 31/03/2009 11:06

If the rental contract is in your name, it's your house, surely?

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