To Have a Secret Crush on UnQuietDad?

[secretcrush]

Cant help it
The thought that there are intelligent, funny, non-sleazy men out there who have masses in common with me....

It just gives me hope

And he's a regular poster on MN too.

Threadworm/Rhubarb - I do sometimes feel the hostility some female posters have to men when I join a discussion.

I often see women making exactly the same comment as me or even starting an entire thread on exactly the same topic and in exactly the same vein but get treated in a completely different way.

Not bovvered! But it is very noticeable and sometimes funny.

I also feel the innate sexist attitude underying the comments of some women on MN that if man had said in the opposite context about a woman would be roundly criticised for.

Overall I like being on MN and stalked (in a very nice interested way) before summoning up the courage to join in.

Probably will not join a mooncups thread though.

bunnyrabbit, I certainly don't lump all men into a single category. However, I have observed a certain style of posting, in which the poster seems less responsive to the views of other mumsnetters, and more inclined to stick rigidly to a single position rather than engaging in real dialogue - without knowing the gender of the poster - and later discovered that the posters in question were male.

As I said, I haven't particularly observed this amongst the men that I know in real life, but have certainly noticed it on here.

oh i'm sure you will

Iorekbyrnison - that's not a male thing; everyone on mumsnet seems to stick rigidly to their point of view before descending into a bit of argy bargy etc. It's mumsnet tradition isn't it?

MadamDeathstare - I liked and enjoyed the responses I got the 'feeling ill' thread but I do agree with you. I do think that in some cases divorce might well have been mentioned as a possible option if I had been a woman posting the same thread.

smallorange - I do know what you mean. But I think that even when we are fiercely defending our positions most of us do so in order to test and refine our viewpoint in the light of other opinions. Even the most intransigent OP in AIBU is usually posting for this reason, otherwise why would they post? But I often get the feeling that some posters are rather more interested in educating others than learning from them, and more often than not in my experience, these posters turn out to be men.

ABetaDad - when you say "I do sometimes feel the hostility some female posters have to men when I join a discussion." I have to say I see it too. I don't mean to you directly but just a general hostility towards men, as if sometimes some posters cant see that men are people too and that often all we hear is one side of a story.

Not all men are bastards, some people are though and it's often easy to see which ones are the bastards!

Ok, I'll pop in to even up the sides.
As well as Mumsnet I also read/post on a few other forums (actually much more) - mainly to do with my sports interests, and also a professional/work forum.
I signed up to this lark as it occured to me that I probably should be taking parenting as seriously as biking, and frankly reading parenting books is dull.
Normal - Normal would actually be a website called "Parentsnet" (less catchy though), with specific forums for Mumsnet and Dadsnet (Mooncup and F1 debates respectively) It's not like that though, so please be nice to us.
Anyhow finally:
Clearly the way to solve the debate would be a juggling contest
...oh and YABU OP as I have it on reliable source that UQDad is actually Alan Sugar
GDIT

beanieb - I agree.

I have never ever thought this before but maybe women can be as sexist as men but just in a different way.

Anyway back to the topic - for some reason I always though MayorQuimby was a woman. I am feeling a bit worried now that my instincts went wonky as I passed my 40th birthday.

ABetaDad - I've only seen you on Childbirth threads though so far - where I think that perhaps women have more experience. And you might get treated differently.

MrsTittleMouse - I agree many posters on those childbirth threads (and breast feeding and nappy threads) get quite hostile to me and also to dissenting women. I have relevant experience of my own wife giving birth and breast feeding afterwards. I do sometime feel there are certain posters who 'patrol' those boards who act as if they own them and attack anyone who disagrees with them. Indeed some of the posters I have in mind I have never ever post anywhere else on MN.

I have relevant experience. I know what I am talking about because my wife giving birth to DS1 and DS2 which I was involved in every step of the way. I have also witnessed and assisted on thousands of mammalian animal births. Believe me, if my wife were on those threads she would say things in a much stronger way than I do. Indeed she would give a lot of posters on child birth and breast feeding and nappy threads a piece of her mind.

When I read out some of the comments to her and she is often aghast!

to be fair ABetaDad [and I like your posts on religion vs science etc] when you posted on a recent breastfeeding thread [Nell McAndrews article i think] you did seem to make an assumption that extended breastfeeding equals no intimate contact with men, and others were just pointing out that is twaddle not the case. I haven't seen your other posts on childbirth tho.

Let us not forget that you don't need to be a man to get strident, no nonsense and sometimes quite brutal responses on MN. And there is a certain irony to men here feeling there is sexism when they don't have a clue what most women get to experience day to day to the point where many don't even notice it anymore.

Hm, I think that witnessing and experiencing are two different things, and even though I know that their are women who share your opinions I think I find it harder to take from someone who I know can't have been through childbirth (unless you are a woman called Brenda of course ).

But to be honest, I have always post the same stuff whether I'm "talking" to a man or a woman (or I don't know). I am pro-breastfeeding (if possible), pro-still having a sex life (), anti-bloshy OBs who railroad your delivery when your baby is not in distress, and pro-choice in childbirth (whether CS, natural VB or epidural).

Interestingly DH and I were talking about VB vs CS (for me) the other day and we likened it to some kidney problems that he'd had. There was talk of operating and the choice was through the back (which terrified me) or through the penis (you can guess what he thought of that!). I fully agreed that as I'll never have a penis, that I have no idea how he would feel about it and it would be his decision. He felt the same way about childbirth.

i like uqd because i have all the same views. If not, well then, er, perhaps I wouldnt!!

abetadad - i remember some of the posts on the childbirth spreads and although not my views, i do have some girlfriends who think exactly the same but dont particularly feel they can say so and dont come on here. so i think it is important to have all views - loads of people could be reading them and thinking 'that was me'

ruty - that breast feeding thread was one of those interesting times when I think I got flamed for something that everyone immediately assumed I had because I was a man.

I never said that said extended breast feeding equalled no intimate contact with men. I really never did, I do not believe it and I do not secretly think it either. I really honestly do not.

Nevertheless I still got flamed for something I did not say and that really did annoy me.

By the way, I do have a very very direct and horific experience of sexism against women which goes far beyond anything almost any woman on here has ever experienced. It is so horrific I will never ever speak about it on MN.

Anyway lets get back to the really pertinent question of UQD - and do let me put the emphasis on pert.

Oh this thread is BOLLOCKS!

"And there is a certain irony to men here feeling there is sexism when they don't have a clue what most women get to experience day to day to the point where many don't even notice it anymore."

You are assuming there that all men are the same. That all women are subjected to sexism and all men have no bloody idea how that feels. Men can be discriminated against too and this thread bears witness to that.

If he has an opinion on childbirth and breastfeeding then why on earth can't he voice it? Do you shout down those women who have had caesarians on a birth thread because they've never actually given birth?

My dh was invaluable to me during childbirth and breastfeeding. In fact he probably knows more about womens issues than anyone! He was the first to notice a connection between my taking the pill and my extreme pmt. He understood my hormones better than I did. He had delivered calves on his dad's farm and was responsible for milking them, so whilst I hated being compared to a cow , I took his advice seriously.

This attitude of "well you've never been in that situation so how can you know!" stinks. I've never been a victim of domestic violence, but it doesn't stop me from giving advice does it?

I think it's great to see men on these boards. I often need a male perspective on things and it's heartening to think that there are so many men out there willing to get involved, willing to be more hands-on.

The only irony here are the women who moan about their men never taking an interest, and then shouting them down when they do.

Rhubarb...do you have a dh/dp ??

Aw BetaDad......don't mention something unless you're gonna mention it IYSWIM. It's a bit like when someone say's "right I need an opinion on this thing" but they can't tell you 'the thing' so then everyone proceeds to ask what 'the thing' is

Sometimes I don't like the double standards on MN. 'Sometimes' if a woman does something shit, then it can be 'poor love' but if a man does it he's a b*stard. I love everything else tho so don't flame me ok

I like mens points of view and input on here. Jeez, it took me a good few months to have the courage to post on MN so hats off to any man that does it and even bigger hats off to those that stick around after a flaming

Errr, I think I do mention dh in my post do I not?

errr, so he doesn't mind you talking to some faceless man...just to get a male perspective?..he must be very easy going.

Huh?
I talk to lots of faceless people on Mumsnet!

Why should it bother him who I talk to? I've got male friends that I go to the pub with on my own, I have male work colleagues, I sometimes chat to men I meet whilst out and about, I may even chat to men in a pub whilst on a night out.

Do you really think that chatting to a man on Mumsnet is going to lead into an affair?

Watch out ABetaDad!

You lot who don't want men around have obviously never experienced an all women primary school staff room.