To think it's not very polite to be envited to a party and not be offered anything to eat or drink?

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, My daughter and I went to a birthday party of a little girl in her nursery class. They had the party at there house which was like a mansion overlooking the sea with a huge swimming pool, hot tub and bar.
The parents are loaded, not that that should matter. I was very supprised though that none of the parents were offered any thing to drink and there was so little food, it was only enough for the children. When the Dad saw that all the food had gone, he said "Oh, we judged that well".
We have been to so many nursery partys, some at village halls, play centres or peoples houses but we have always been offered a drink and something to eat.
It just seems strange that the richest family in the school were such bad hosts.

YANBat allU to expect to be offered a drink at the very least. I would be embarrassed to host a party and not provide for all guests, regardless of money/size of house etc.

Also - is my life strange that I don't think I've been to a childrens party for this age group where the parents haven't stayed? .

Among DS's group of friends, it seems to be the norm that parents stay (even now - Year 1) and the party host provides drinks and snacks for them as well as party food.

At DS's sixth birthday it wouldn't have occurred to me not to provide something - a range of soft drinks and some of those boxes of flapjacks/biscuits from Tesco's bakery doesn't seem too hard to do!

So yanbu!

Thanks everyone, I knew I wasn't being unreasonable. I just wanted to see what other Mums made of it.
I know all the nursery mums have been saying they thought it was a bit bad.

I only wanted to mention the house, pool etc to paint the picture.
I thought if I didn't mention that, then some of you might have said maybe they can't afford it etc.

yanbu - just refuse the invitation next time !

Y1 and the parents all stay?

My how things have changed.

You'd think they had better things to do.

I went to a wedding, DH's cousin. Huge house, marquee, 100 odd guests. Literally empty marquee, about 6 seats - we had to go into the house and almost beg for somewhere for DH's 90 yo granny to sit. There were about 3 trays of small canapes taken round by waitresses, no drinks and no entertainment. The three songs that were played were on a Yamaha keyboard and the groom only thanked God in his speech, nothing about wonderful parents or stunning bride. It went on for hours and was the shitest wedding I have ever been to. And every word of the above is true.

I would have only offered a cup of tea and a biscuit to adults-possibly wine and a few nibbles, but not food as such.

YANBU.

For DS1's 4th birthday party so all pre-schoolers only a couple of parents dropped and ran - the vast majority stayed.

I provided adult drinks and cakes i'd made specially for the grown ups. At all his friend's parties there have been adult refreshments varying from tea to champagne.

I have rarely been to a childrens party and been given food and drink. I wouldnt expect it no matter how well off the hosts are. How awful that you all discussed it afterwards.

I am so glad my DCs are older and things were simpler-I really couldn't cope with the whole class and food for adults!

pisces - that is why i was so exhausted last year - about 40 children and many siblings and many parents!

this year i'm luckily having a baby 3 wks before ds1's 5th birthday so we're not doing a party - instead we're going away to a lovely hotel for the night with masses of child-friendly stuff to do.

Riven I would make you a cup of tea and a big piece of cake.

I would be pleased with a cup of tea but I really wouldn't expect food to be provided for adults.

Good manners, politeness, respect and hospitality are hardly the preserve of the rich though

When they were little , I has a few DCs at the house with tea and biscuits for adults. When they were older and we went to sports centres etc there was no need for parents to stay and nothing for them if they did.

I can not believe that there are people who are happy to have 15 3-year olds for a couple of hours without parents being there! Why make it so stressful? Make the parents welcome, provide a cup of tea or coffee on arrival and let them hoover up the leftovers!

OP, IMVHO, YANBU

(Enough aconyms for you there? )

YANBU. Everyone who comes to my house gets offered tea, coffee, biscuits, invited or not, and in the case of a birthday party, a slice of cake..

At DDs 4 th birthday party only a couple of parentsstayed with the few children who needed/wanted their parents there. None have stayed at any of the childrens parties since. The children are mortified if the parents stayed because it makes them look like babies - apparently. I haven't stayed since DD was three and if I did I would never expect to be fed.

personally I have enough to do without running around after the parents and prefer it if they leave. I want to sit with DS2 and help him join in if he ccan and I want to watch my DD having a lovely time. I don't want to sit with the people I stand with five afternoons a week.

But if they do stay we would offer tea or coffee and whatever we are drinking (Pimms usually ) and i expect people to hoover up the food while the kids are eating. Is it actually possible to put jammy sandwiches and fairycakes on a plate without eating some as well?

Also if parents don't get the hint and bugger off I do the "oh , would you mind. I am busy with DS2.... Here small child - Mrs Won'tgoaway will take you up to the toilet" at them whenever a child wants to go to the loo.

I think if the general culture among the OP's fellow parents is that the adults are a) expected to stay at the kids parties and b) are fed and watered elsewhere (and the parents in question knew this) then she has a point. If it's the usual thing for parents to be given refreshments etc then this couple were Making a Point and either being 'brave/honest' (or whatever is the current favourite term among the horsehair tampon types who always want other people to have less pleasure in their lives) or very rude.