Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not very polite to be envited to a party and not be offered anything to eat or drink?

106 replies

mummyloveslucy · 26/03/2009 16:12

Hi, My daughter and I went to a birthday party of a little girl in her nursery class. They had the party at there house which was like a mansion overlooking the sea with a huge swimming pool, hot tub and bar.
The parents are loaded, not that that should matter. I was very supprised though that none of the parents were offered any thing to drink and there was so little food, it was only enough for the children. When the Dad saw that all the food had gone, he said "Oh, we judged that well".
We have been to so many nursery partys, some at village halls, play centres or peoples houses but we have always been offered a drink and something to eat.
It just seems strange that the richest family in the school were such bad hosts.

OP posts:
LadyPinkofPinkerton · 26/03/2009 16:43

I always provide for adults too, but many parents I know don't, so I would never assume I was going to be fed.

It sounds more like you have a bit of an issue with the Dad, who does sound like a snob. What a nerve to brag about having a swimming pool, clearly plenty of money and no class.

Surfermum · 26/03/2009 16:44

Any mums that stay at dd's parties get offered wine or tea and biscuits.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 26/03/2009 16:44

If I'd have known, I'd have taken a flask.
When we had a party, we had a face painting lady. We offered her a hot drink and she was very greatful. She said that no one ever thinks to offer her a drink at partys she's working at.

OP posts:
stuffitllama · 26/03/2009 16:46

Sorry, yabu, don't want adults at children's parties and offering food and drink just encourages them to stay.

They had all those children to look after. Why should they faff around after the adults. How can you be so annoyed about it to start a thread?

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 26/03/2009 16:53

They didn't have the children to look after at all, hence the parents staying.
They were just chatting amoungst them selves the whole time.
Why on earth would you want 15 3-4 year olds in your house with out there parents??
My daughter isn't potty trained yet and has communication difficulties. I'm sure the parents were very glad I didn't just leave her there.
They also had a pool with no barrier and the children were at rist of falling in.

OP posts:
KathrynAustin · 26/03/2009 16:55

Just food & drink for children at 80% of the 4 year old's parties we go too. Nothing offered to parents at all.

DS1's party in a couple of weeks and we're doing booze and snacks for parents - I want them to unwind and relax too (they are giving up a Sunday afternoon/evening).... maybe we'll set a precedent?!

BonsoirAnna · 26/03/2009 16:57

I agree with the OP. A nice cup of tea and a piece of birthday cake should be forthcoming!

sagacious · 26/03/2009 16:58

If the party was between 1pm and 4pm I would have assumed you had eaten before hand.

Parents nick the leftovers
Tis the law

Are you sure you don't have ishooos about the posh house/pool and comments from previous party?

BonsoirAnna · 26/03/2009 17:00

If I were giving the party it would be late afternoon so that I would have an excuse for serving champagne and nice canapés

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 26/03/2009 17:01

I just think it's strange, the parents have been to loads of nursery partys so they know that every one has offered them a drink and there has been enough food for everyone.
If they were that eager to impress, they didn't do a very good job.

OP posts:
2shoes · 26/03/2009 17:02

yanbu
I have always fed parents at dd's parties, the have to stay as their dc's have sn, least I can do is feed them

dilemma456 · 26/03/2009 17:02

Message withdrawn

stuffitllama · 26/03/2009 17:03

If the parents weren't supposed to stay then they shouldn't have expected running around after.

Did they ask the parents to stay? I've had that many tinies to a party and just got a couple of mums to help. Everyone else can drop off and come back.

The things that make a difference are: pool, which is a safety issue you didn't mention, and is apparently less important than you getting a cup of tea; and if your daughter needs extra help and much closer supervision than she would normally have with I don't know, one adult to seven children or whatever it was.

It was their kid's party -- why not focus on their own child?

If parents have stayed at my house when I wanted them to go I have showed them where the kettle is. Not grumpily, but just -- you know, you have to look after yourself, I've got a houseful of children. I've been too busy minding to have any interest in catering for them.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 26/03/2009 17:04

Yes the comments from the last party shocked me a bit. I really couldn't care less about the size of the house etc though. I'd rather have our cosy little house and good hospitality any day. It was interesting to see how the other half live though.

OP posts:
Nontoxic · 26/03/2009 17:04

I'm with Siffitllama - I'd always make sure I'm fed and watered before a kids' party (on the rare occasions I've stayed at them), and if I'm offered a cup of tea it's a bonus.

I've seen grown (portly) men snaffle up the sausages being handed round for the kids and there was none left for them, which I think is out of order.

And if I ever invited 15 three and four year olds I'd do so
In the confidence that I could look after them without their parents hanging around taking up the kids' space, talking loudly over the entertainer, scoffing the kids' food, not offering to help - need I go on?

stuffitllama · 26/03/2009 17:05

Is this an issue of class and wealth? They're well off and you need an excuse to have a go?

I shouldn't presume but that's how all the responses seem to be working out.

Curiousmama · 26/03/2009 17:06

When I have parties at home it's a good excuse for a party for all

Even when I have them at soft play, swim party etc... I get tea/coffee and snacks for adults.

BecauseImWorthIt · 26/03/2009 17:07

I think YAB a bit U - it's a children's party, not one for adults.

I wouldn't have dreamt of staying at a party, nor would I expected any adults to stay - and I certainly wouldn't expect to have to feed them.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 26/03/2009 17:09

Stiffitllama- I've already told you, the parents WERE envited.

OP posts:
stuffitllama · 26/03/2009 17:11

Different if you've said -- whatever, Mums and siblings welcome. I've done that too but that's different. Then you are ready for it.

Even worse were the mothers who bring siblings, stay just long enough for them to get really involved and make a fuss when it's time to go, then wheedle for them to stay while they leave child-free with a grin on their faces.

I'm afraid my vote goes to throwing the children out of a moving vehicle in my direction I'll give them a great time and watch them like a hawk but I want the kids not their families!

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 26/03/2009 17:11

It is certinally not an issue with class, I have far more than them.
I'm not even of there house, pool etc. I have already told you that too.

OP posts:
stuffitllama · 26/03/2009 17:11

Whoops -- oh well, if you were invited then you should have been offered.

HappyHome · 26/03/2009 17:14

Yanbu, if parents were invited then its just good manners to offer a drink

sarah293 · 26/03/2009 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 26/03/2009 17:17

I'm sure you wouldn't thank me for just leaving my daughter with you.
I think you'd be phoning me to come back.

OP posts: