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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to offer to pay the man who took my cat to be neutered without discussing it with me

279 replies

powpow · 25/03/2009 20:14

basically my cat came home last night neutered.
We had no idea what had happened or who had taken him.
I called 11 vets in the area until I found the one where it was done.
A neighbor has been feeding our cat and took him to be done. My cat broke through this guys catflap to come home to us where he feels safe. He wasn't missing. We saw him Monday night and he came home tuesday night.

Most of the cats running around the neighborhood have no collar but I would never take them to the vet unless they were hurt!
he said my cat has been coming around for a few months. He never once tried to find out who he belonged to.
We had taken off his collar because it kept getting tighter and tighter on his neck and getting caught on the fences.
But he was very obviously well taken care of, groomed and happy.
We were waiting a few more months to neuter him and would have taken him to the clinic that does it for free.
This guy paid £280.
I don't think I should have to pay for this.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
powpow · 26/03/2009 12:53

and just in case you missed it morningpaper -
this neighbor told me that my cat BROKE through his catflap to get back home to us and hour after this OP.
What he did was appalling. Obviously my cat did not and does not feel safe with this person.

OP posts:
ingles2 · 26/03/2009 12:57

YANBU, I wouldn't pay. He chose to neuter therefore he bears the cost.
However, YABU for allowing an non- neutered, unidentifiable Tom cat wander around. Sorry, but that's irresponsible pet ownership.

ingles2 · 26/03/2009 12:58

But surely he had locked the cat flap to keep the cat in, as he's just had an operation.
He obviously thought the cat was his, and was being responsible.

Original poster
powpow · 26/03/2009 13:04

I understand why he locked the flap.
What I am saying is that my cat, an hour after an operation, broke out of his house to come here, where he lives and feels safe, with his family. Cats are usually sleepy and sore after this, not breaking through a flap to get away. Unless of course, he didn't want to be there.

This man had no right. He lives 4 houses away and has only been feeding him for a few months.
He didn't 'think' he was his. He wanted him to be his.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 26/03/2009 13:05

"has only been feeding him for a few months"

But the cat is only a few months old!

The cat obviously feels safe enough to go into this man's house for food all the time and let the man take him to the vets

I can't even get MY cat into a cat-box to ship him to the vets....

Pinktastic · 26/03/2009 13:06

I haven't read all the posts but when I had my cat neutered 8 years ago we had a phone call to say that he had an undescended testicle and needed to be opened up and if it was left there was a good chance he would develop cancer. We had the full operation as he was on the table anyway and paid just over £200.

Sounds like this guy wasn't expecting to pay so much and wants his money back.

Sorrento · 26/03/2009 13:11

Have had a chat with the guy about basically what he's doing, maybe he thinks he's being helpful, he hasn't issued you with a bill however he is clearly trying to be the cats owner.
Dare I say can you get another cat and let him have that one as he's so fond of him or is that not what he wants, I think you need to get to the bottom of it. Before it escalates

Original poster
powpow · 26/03/2009 13:12

morning paper - please read the thread.
I never said how old my cat was. how do you figure he's only a few months old?

and perhaps my cat did not feel comfortable getting into the box. perhaps he was forced?
you seem to know a lot about my cat.
are you my neighbor?

OP posts:
Original poster
powpow · 26/03/2009 13:13

Sorrento - agreed - we need to find out exactly what he was thinking, but, he is NOT having my cat!

OP posts:
morningpaper · 26/03/2009 13:16

Aren't you supposed to neuter cats around 4 months of age? It's very irresponsible to let an un-neutered tom wander around imo, especially if he's older than that

FlyMeToDunoon · 26/03/2009 13:20

I had a cat neutered once. It was an ancient full tom that sprayed everywhere and terrorised our and eveyone elses cat in the neighbourhood.
We looked after it in our shed after the op and then released it. I think it was a feral cat though. He got adopted by a neighbour and settled down into a lap cat.

I agree that you should have had your cat neutered sooner and shut in until he was.

morningpaper · 26/03/2009 13:22

lol flyme

This thread has actually tempted me to CAPTURE my terrorising tom and get the bugger neutered...

Babieseverywhere · 26/03/2009 13:38

Why have a cat if you haven't got the money to look after it properly. You should of waited until you have the money to alter and chip before you buy/adopt a cat.

Instead you have let your unaltered cat roam the local neighbourhood for months. Fighting, breeding and with no ID, so to all intents and purposes this cat IS a stray.

Your neighbour has done a wonderful thing, at a great cost to himself, in order to prevent your cat from getting cancer. He had no way of knowing if this was an owned cat or not.

Yet in return for his unselfish actions,you are 'sending your husband around; and are 'sending the man a cease & desist letter'....lovely

Morally you owe him the money and a thank you and if you can't afford to ID and neuter your pet they should stay INSIDE until you can do it.

Babieseverywhere · 26/03/2009 13:41

morningpaper, Cat Protection League will neuter strays FOC if you ask nicely and if you can catch the bugger to start off with.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 26/03/2009 13:41

How old is your cat Powpow?

Babieseverywhere · 26/03/2009 13:42

Well, the neighbour had fed the cat for months, so definately old enough to be altered.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/03/2009 13:44

I don't think you should have to pay either, it was his decision and he must not have been expecting to get the money back...

I would probably end up paying though

morningpaper · 26/03/2009 13:46

I think you should either pay and keep the cat, or give the cat to the person who is paying for its essential and responsible medical treatment

Babieseverywhere · 26/03/2009 13:48

He paid the vets fees on 'his' cat. Whom he feed for months and took to be altered and needed a further medical op and he paid in order to make 'his' cat healhty.

If the OP wants to keep the cat she should pay the medical fees. If the other man had not paid, she would of had to pay for this treatment herself.

FlyMeToDunoon · 26/03/2009 13:51

Would maybe get a couple of qoutes from other vets and offer him a reasonable amount based on what they say this op with the undescended testicle prob would cost. It is what you would have had to be doing anyway soon.

spacecadet99 · 26/03/2009 14:07

I haven't yet seen the OP explain why she hadn't had the cat neutered- unless I have missed that? Although the guy is obviously out of order, it may be that he sees someone not neutering their animal as neglectful - which it is - and therefore thought you wouldn't care. If you get a cat from the RSPCA or other rescue, the neutering is in the adoption fee - worth considering if you get another pet.

Quattrocento · 26/03/2009 18:18

That's a nasty outcome

I'm very sorry for that poor man. Lucky that I don't have any nasty neighbours

solidgoldbrass · 26/03/2009 19:27

Oh this stupid man deserves all he gets. He was officious and committed an offence (criminal damage). He is clearly trying to take the cat away. Tell him to buy his own farking cat.

Longtalljosie · 26/03/2009 19:42

A lot of people are giving this man a huge and imo, unwarranted benefit of the doubt. He thought it was a stray and was just being nice? Give me a break. The day after he did the op, he went round to the cat's owner with a bill!

You should have neutered him, admittedly, but if he felt the cat should have been neutered, he should have come to see you. Not taken it on himself and then demanded the money.

Bellebelle · 26/03/2009 19:51

As a cat owner myself I can understand why you're upset but I think you should pay as you would have had to pay when you took your cat to be neutered anyway as they would have discovered the complications. If you can't afford to pay the full amount just now you should explain that and arrange to pay when you can. Do you have insurance which would have paid for some of the treatment?

Also, cats won't spend time with people they don't like so it's not as if the man was keeping your cat hostage. My cats go in the huff with whomever takes them to the vets for check-ups for a day or so and your cat was probably having a similar reaction when he was desperate to get out. Cats are notorious for 'choosing' their owners and it is annoying when neighbours try to take other peoples pets. This has happened to my mum a couple of times with her cats but it does seem to be with people who are a bit lonely so don't be so hard on him.

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