AIBU to expect a child on a playdate to sit properly at the tea table and not piss about !

[CaptainUnderpants]

I have had two children over in the last week on both occasions we have sat at the table to have tea as we would normally do as a family.

Both children have just mucked about at the table , not sat properly , up and down played about in general. Each has been a separate playdate so both children not there at same time .

Now AIBU to expect children to behave properly at the table ( mine do at home , dont know what they are like at other peoples house though ) or should I grin and bare it and put up with behaviour that really annoys me.

The problem is that my kids then start mucking about even though I have asked nicely ( through gritted teeth) for everyone to sit nicely and ' we dont do that at our house ' routine .

Children are 8 & 6.

tbh i am having fun when i have children at home. And if they get up and start hopping i usually ...join them

I agree herbie.
I've only had one I've not invited back and he was 8.
He sat at the table before tea was ready, banging his cutlery and shouting "where's me dinner woman"!!!!!!!! !!!
Seriously!
Then he spat out his sausage onto the table, saying it was too big... double
then he took food from my plate!!!!
Never, ever again

YANBU-Children of that age should know how to behave in someone else's house.

lol @ Spicey's studious response to my post

It isn't a question of right or wrong. It's just how individual families chose to do things.

I live in a two bed flat, with no dining room or kitchen table. I don't dispute that kids should have good manners. My son's manners are impeccable, whenever I'm not around (so I'm told).

But I didn't eat at a table when I was a kid, and he eats off the coffee table most of the time.

He knows how to eat in public. I take him to restaurants quite regularly, and he behaves himself, as I'm sure he will behave himself in other people's houses when he starts school.

He knows that if he doesn't, I'll 'ave him for it.

My gripe is this insistence that meals should be a ritual whereby every family member must eat at table every night, and not leave until given freedom to do so.

It's all rather Victorian, imo.

Was making a point desi

I do think it is really important that children associate food with social occasions, that it isn't just fuel on the go and that there are all sorts of rituals and manners associated with eating, whether you personally like them or not. Not to mention all the other stuff in those links.

I also live in a 2 bed flat without a dining room or kitchen table incidentally ...

do you think Desi? Is it not just instilling good manners, a sense of routine and opportunity to have a chat about your day?

Yes, Ingles, I agree with the principal. I just don't agree with the rigid enforcement of it.

If you bring a kid up right, he or she should know how to behave at a picnic, coffee table, or dinner table.

But I dislike rigid meal times. It's almost a form of bullying to make a young child sit at table because everyone else hasn't finished.

I have always told my son, from when he learned to speak, that when he was in someone else's house, he should not leave the table until told to do so.

This is manners, I agree.

But in my house, he doesn't have those rules.

but we're saying the same thing, you'd expect your ds to sit at the table at someone elses house..

Yes, Ingles, I would expect that.

My only divergence from the OP is the (mine do at home) bit.

Mine don't do it at home, but when required, they do it rather well at someone else's

Surely that's the best case scenario?

I do prefer if they sit at the table then on it, or under it. Meals are easier. Some simple guidance helps, and remember your children want their friends to be happy and willing to return.

Best thing on playdate days is to give them a picnic in the garden or in the tent they've made, or give them their own table in the kitchen while you go off and put your feet up elsewhere.

Wouldn't dream of imposing 'family meal time' on a visiting child as a general rule. Too many memories of stress I suffered when small at friends' houses where the rules were different from my own and where a disapproving mother presided, waiting to bang her gavel.

Oh and I agree with Desi - would never make a child sit at a table till 'everyone has finished'. Too many rules and fuss about eating is never a good thing.

YANBU what is wrong with sitting at table and eating the meal? Imo they are old enough to show a little respect and manners.
Oh the stories I have, one of ds little friends age 8 at the time said as I was taking his half full plate away 'Where's my pudding then?' Another boy who came from the most 'poshest' home had the most disgusting eating habits, even my ds was shocked. It is an insight how other people parent isn't it.

YANBU.
When I was 7 my friend and I used to go to Brownies together and we would alternate which mum fed us beforehand. We were both expected to sit and behave properly at the tea table in both houses and both mums would have had something to say about it to either of us if we hadn't.

In fact, the manners thing was so entrenched in me by then that I was telling my friend how to behave (don't eat off your knife, eat with your mouth shut etc.) Right little bossyboots I was - but her mum told me later that she used to PHSL about it!

I've never heard the term playdates used in the UK and thought it was a desperate housewives Americanism. Do kids not just have friends round for tea any more?

Ahh but then you get into the discussion is it 'tea' 'dinner' or 'supper'.

I do not have me meal with my children if they have friends around because 1. They eat too early and 2. It's nice for them to chat together alone and be relaxed and enjoy their time together, without me asking 100 questions about what they did at school.

me meal

I have never 'imposed a family meal time ' upon a visiting child but I do expect them to sit at the table to eat food as we would normally do.

Good table manners isn't just about sitting there while everyone else finishes, ( if you ask to leave then fine ) , its about for example not putting feet on table, not standing on chair , and not talking about various body parts and getting up and down between very mouthful - too much too ask Mumsnetters ?

I don't insist children sit at the table till everyone has finished - that's not very kind (and boring as hell). But I do like them to sit down till they've finished eating and then when they get down, that's it, no returning to graze.

iam sure that even if they don't sit and eat at the table at home, they know how to do it so yanbu.

by mealtime on a playdate they feel relaxed enough to challenge your authority so speaking thru gritted teeth ain't enough. next time do stroppy school marm curt and blunt at the first tiny table misdemeanor and you'll be smug a lot happier at the end of the evening.

I would expect my children to sit at the table and behave if they were at someone's house, like they would at home.

But, it wouldn't really bother me if children came for a playdate and messed about a bit, I would put it down to them being over-excited.

and of course if you do what I suggested and it works, you will get less playdate requests.

My problem was that on both ocassions I had no wine in the house - big mistake !

God, yes - wine is a must for playdates.