AIBU to expect a child on a playdate to sit properly at the tea table and not piss about !

[CaptainUnderpants]

I have had two children over in the last week on both occasions we have sat at the table to have tea as we would normally do as a family.

Both children have just mucked about at the table , not sat properly , up and down played about in general. Each has been a separate playdate so both children not there at same time .

Now AIBU to expect children to behave properly at the table ( mine do at home , dont know what they are like at other peoples house though ) or should I grin and bare it and put up with behaviour that really annoys me.

The problem is that my kids then start mucking about even though I have asked nicely ( through gritted teeth) for everyone to sit nicely and ' we dont do that at our house ' routine .

Children are 8 & 6.

But it entirely depends on your definition of good manners.

My four year old knows that he has to give up his seat for elderly people on the bus. He knows he shouldn't spit or drop litter, etc.

But I personally don't see how sitting around a table every night equates to good manners. It's important to know the basics, for sure. It's important to know how to use a knife and fork, how not to talk with your mouth full, and all the rest of the gubbins, but it isn't something I would enforce on guests in my house, whether they be little or large.

I'd rather they all buggered off to the bedroom and ate those deliciously revolting hot dog sausages .. cold

No, you're entirely wrong Desiderata - studies show that families who eat together have much better eating habits than those who don't. Together with a whole host of other benefits.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/09/070901073612.htm

www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1200760,00.html

www.nature.com/oby/journal/v13/n8/full/oby2005172a.html

I can't be arsed to quote any more studies but a quick google confirms that eating on the run in a distracted way is much, much more likely to lead to disastrous relationships with food later on.

OP - you're not being remotely unreasonable. I would not invite a child back who couldn't sit down to eat. I expect it of my DS and he's 2

why do people bother arranging playdates in the first place?

They must be so stressful

Why on earth would you not invite a child back? If your childs best friend was nice and kind and they played well, etc but happened to fidget at the table and maybe get up and have to be reminded to sit down would you really not invite them back? Feel sorry for your kids if you wouldn't.

aw the 'tea table' does sound nice

lol @ the tea table

so, if your DC's don't eat at the table, then where do they eat?!

why is there lolling at the tea table?

pointydog, can't resist quoting you - "playdates were invented by overly fussy mothers".

LOL.

Tbh, if OP gets annoyed at such trivialities, playdates at her place sound a bit grim. Best to pass.

Bad mannered children in my house irritate me too (barring my own of course ) and some of ds' friends have been dreadful! I came in to the kitchen once, only to find ds' friend walking along my work surfaces!!! I said in a very calm voice through gritted teeth, "Excuse me but we don't do that in our house." He looked at me as if I was mad. Another friend had appalling table manners and messed about the whole time and both these boys were from "nice" well-to-do families

YANBU.
Just had a vile playdate over so I'm with you all the way. No please/thank you the whole time, getting up from the table. I told him to sit back down though and explained at our house that's what we do before my dc started running about too.
Also my dc always eat at the table together - sometime I eat with them and we always eat lunch together if they are not at school/pre school.
Who wrote the quote 'manners maketh the man'?

sorry tea table just made me laugh ...weird sense of humour its seas fault

must admit, blue, I have never knowingly arranged a playdate

i'm only lucky enough to have one table, i really think i'd like a 'tea table' though

playdates maketh the stresser

maybe it's a regional thing, southeast. We only nhve one table but sometime it is called the 'tea table'.

i don't mean to take the p. just sounds quaint

Yes, as Dozymare asked, if your kids don't eat at the table then where? doesn't it just mean more cleaning?

Oh yes! We used to call it the tea table when I was little!!! Ah, the memories......

pointy, playdates are the work of the devil. I arrange them because dd 5 is really keen on her friends coming round - cue email from me to other mother for a playdate weeks in advance for during the school holidays. I arrange them like meetings at work, in Outlook with reminders.

Then on the day, a frothy whirlwind of activity from the girls, constant round of sandwiches, snacks and drinks from me, tears at parting and not a tea table in sight.

you fule

8+6? YAsooooNBU.
If someone told me one of my ds' had been pissing about during a meal that someone had prepared for them I'd be ashamed!
Day to day I expect mine to sit at the table and eat, ask to get down and put their plate in the dishwasher. They don't have to finish everything, and sometimes we even play a game or read, but I won't have wandering around or watching telly.
In other peoples houses, I expect my ds's to follow other peoples rules.

I don't get this (have just posted on another thread). Invite child/ren. Bring them home with you along with your own (refusing to carry anyone's bags, naturally, as this will make you feel put-upon). Give them a biscuit. Let them loose. Produce pasta at tea-time, bellowing to them in enough time to get them to do some tidying up.

It's not particularly complicated or difficult.

I never got the its complicated bit either ..the kids had mates round I fed em they played... never arranged a playdate in my life

What matters to me is that the children have a nice time together. Also in Italy you just give them a snack after school, thanks to Mediterranean times children go home for dinner.