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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Still waiting for 10 people to reply to invites for ds's party next weekend

69 replies

longhardlookinthemirror · 23/03/2009 17:18

The rsvp date was last Friday! I'm really enoyed by this. Some of these parents I don't know so won't be able to ask them in the playground. Am I ment to just assume they are all coming?....and what if they don't?....I could have had it at home if I knew they all weren't coming and saved some money by not hiring somewhere!!!

Is this the norm at kids party's? I am new to this.

OP posts:

wrongsideof40 · 23/03/2009 17:20

That sounds a lot of outstanding replies - are you sure they have received the invites ? if you handed them in to school for them to be put in their bags then worth checking.. I would phone them up - pdq

sarah293 · 23/03/2009 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 23/03/2009 17:27

I'm afraid it is the norm. It shocked me too when my first child went to school.

I'm afraid you have to ask or assume that they are coming.

Original poster

longhardlookinthemirror · 23/03/2009 17:28

wrongside- Don't have the phone Numbers so can't phone.

Riven - No the party is on Sat - Hope your dd is ok

OP posts:

Fimbo · 23/03/2009 17:28

Yip its the norm. You need to bold and march up and ask

Fimbo · 23/03/2009 17:29

be bold

mum23monkeys · 23/03/2009 17:34

It's the norm. but imo it's also extremely rude. Some party venues require specific numbers in advance.

Obviously if something unexpected happens then people have to let you down, eg. vomiting children, but my experience is that some people don't like to commit themselves. One friend was 3 children down on a birthday party because the weather was nice and they had decided to go for picnics/camping etc rather than go the party. It was at a bowling alley and the party parents had to pay for those children who didn't turn up. Rude rude rude. I think some people think that if they don't reply then they can decide nearer the time.

newgirl · 23/03/2009 17:36

are you completely sure they got the invites? they do get lost between drawers/book bags etc

if yo are sure they got them, then yes it is very rude - they could turn up though so be prepared!!

Original poster

longhardlookinthemirror · 23/03/2009 18:15

Well I didn't hand them out personally, the school usually puts them into the bags as they are going home. So I guess it could be a possibility they didn't get them.

OP posts:

UKVeggieMum · 23/03/2009 18:25

This appears to be the norm, I was also shocked when this happened to us, it's my DDs first year at school and we didn't have the same problem at Nursery.

I think it's just bad manners, after all they only have to send a reply to school with their child, it's not much trouble.

I've noticed parents putting their mobile numbers on invites and suggesting texting in reply - I'm going to try that as an option for DDs next party.

RumourOfAHurricane · 23/03/2009 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jellybeans · 23/03/2009 19:07

It is the norm but very rude, I have had non repliers turn up so you can't always assume they aren't coming.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/03/2009 19:22

it is rude and you do need to know numbers - can you ask school secretary for phone numbers?

UKVeggieMum · 23/03/2009 19:26

I non repliers turn up as well, very annoying, as you assume they're not coming, I can't imagine turning up with DD to a party without letting the parents know.

cluelessnchaos · 23/03/2009 19:28

I am a serial non replier and I dont do it to annoy anybody I do it because I have forgotten or am not sure if dc can make it, I think it is a bit uppity to say it is rude, the recipients havent asked to be invited and you dont know what is going on in their lives, they may well have more pressing things to worry about. If you absolutely have to know ask, otherwise jsut make up a couple of extra sarnies and party bags. Often I am late replying because I am trying to sort out childcare so as not to offend the host by bringing siblings along.

Fimbo · 23/03/2009 19:34

Err clueless it is rude, very rude in fact. And its not just the case of making up an extra couple of party bags and sarnies, its paying for a child whether they come or not. Its a hired place, not at home or in a hall where it doesn't matter as much. Even if you don't know right at that moment in time, surely a simple "thanks for the invite, do you mind if I let you know nearer the time", would suffice.

CrushWithEyeliner · 23/03/2009 19:34

"otherwise jsut make up a couple of extra sarnies and party bags."

er not really as simple as that CC - 10 party bags is a hell of a lot of effort and money for no shows

Aeschylus · 23/03/2009 19:39

I will come with my DS

Flibbertyjibbet · 23/03/2009 19:44

So far I've done the ds's parties in those soft play places where its £7 inc party food, cake, party bag and balloon. Much less hassle than at home but they need numbers in advance and have a minimum number.

Year 1 party for 12, invited 12, 7 came.
Year 2 party for 12, invited 14, 10 came.

So I thought I'd invite more as they don't seem to come,

Year 3 party for 12, invited 17, all blardy 17 showed up and I had to cough up for 5 extra places!

Im used to it now. Seems its only mumsnetters who rsvp and the rest just forget, or decide on the morning if they are going so they don't like to commit in advance.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 23/03/2009 19:46

If the whole class is invited, could you ask the teacher to remind the children at the end of the day to get their parents to let you know if they can come or not.

Even get your dc to nag ask the children, it might at least give you a vague idea of how many will turn up.

cluelessnchaos · 23/03/2009 20:04

er fimbo is not rude, a party is not the be all and end all in the greater scheme of things and I have organised at least 20 parties and have had loads of non replies, most venues charge you on the day, and when you are getting up to 6 invites in a school bag in a week it is quite possible that you will not get round to replying immediately.

alicet · 23/03/2009 20:07

If you sent the invitations in to school why not send polite reminders into school tomorrow to those who have not responded with your telephone number saying something along the lines of 'Sure you have just forgotten but can you please call to let me know if x is coming to ds's party since we have to let the venue know numbers in advance. thanks and hope to see you on Sat!'

We leave invites at our nursery and i know for a fact that not all the invites normally get to recipients. And one of the RSVP's for my son's party didn't get to me until the day after so although it is rude it is also possible that it is the school being crap and not the parents

alicet · 23/03/2009 20:10

And clueless I actually think it is very rude. The invitees have not been asked to be invited for sure but then just say no ffs! A quick scribbled note in your child's bag is all it takes!!!! if you are not sure you can make it then do as another poster suggested and tell them that you will have to say no unless you can confirm nearer the time as you need to sort childcare etc.

In my experience most venues charge in advance NOT on the day. If I had to make 10 extra party bags and food on the off chance that children may or may not come because parents couldn't be bothered to reply i would be fcking pssed off tbh. One or 2 - fine - like you say they may have bigger things going on in their lives and this is the least important but this clearly isn't going to be the case for most is it?

alicet · 23/03/2009 20:11

And even if they charge on the day if you don't bloody know whether the children are coming or not you can't even do anything other than pay then can you

cluelessnchaos · 23/03/2009 20:16

As I said ask if it is that big a bloody deal to you, and in an ideal world everyone would have the time to scribble down a note to relay plans for the dc social calendar, I am saying maybe cut parents a bit of slack, do you think any of those parents are saying sod her, lets make her squirm, you hear it all too often on here what you should and should do to be a perfect parent and what is expected from you by the rest of the world. Should we not give each other as parents a bit of a break? And I have never been charged more than a deposit if I am paying for a number of places.

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