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Original poster

Still waiting for 10 people to reply to invites for ds's party next weekend

69 replies

longhardlookinthemirror · 23/03/2009 17:18

The rsvp date was last Friday! I'm really enoyed by this. Some of these parents I don't know so won't be able to ask them in the playground. Am I ment to just assume they are all coming?....and what if they don't?....I could have had it at home if I knew they all weren't coming and saved some money by not hiring somewhere!!!

Is this the norm at kids party's? I am new to this.

OP posts:
alicet · 23/03/2009 20:22

clueless I take what you are saying about give parents a break who have forgotten and that they are probably not doing it maliciously. Totally agree in fact.

However in your initial post you actually defended not responding as though there was nothing unreasonable in knowingly not replying!! This is the totally unreasonable bit.

To say 'OK hands up, I sometimes forget to reply because there are a lot of invitations and to go to a party needs a lot of juggling on my part - sorry if I have upset anyone but that wasn't my intention' - fair play.

On the other hand you have stated 'I am a serial non-replier' and that 'the party isn't the be all and end all' - well maybe not but it's pretty important to a small child as this is their ONE party and for half of the people invited to just not reply is a big deal.

alicet · 23/03/2009 20:24

I'd certainly nto want the make anyone squirm for forgetting. Sure i will do it too at some point and on occassion I haven't replied very promptly.

But to say it's not an issue and its not rude is just wrong! Not intentionally rude if you have forgotten but to just say its OK is very wrong imho.

BackToBasics · 23/03/2009 20:26

Do people really do this? How very rude!

I don't care what other stuff someone has in their lives to worry about, it's not hard to just do a quick reply and send it to school with your dc. If you aren't sure your dc can make it, let the parent know. It might not help them regarding final numbers but at least it's a responce.

People should be grateful that someone had been kind enough to invite their dc to a party. People can be so rude and me me me these days

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/03/2009 20:29

maybe you could put up a note by the classroom door and politley remind those parents who havent rsvp -ed to leet you know

it is rude not to reply, yes sure many parens have busy lives etc, but all it takes is a quick phone call

longhardlookinthemirror did you put a phone number on rsvp?

cluelessnchaos · 23/03/2009 20:36

I actually said I often dont reply because I forget or am not sure of what I am doing, that is not knowingly not replying, and do you tell your small wide eyed child I dont know if little johnnie likes you anymore because he hasnt replied, no, the same number turn up at the party and your little angel doesnt know any difference. I am slightly jaded because I have done lots of parties and at the end of the day it is not a big deal accomodate some extras.

Bonnycat · 23/03/2009 20:38

Agree with Alicet and Fimbo-it is VERY rude!

TallulahToo · 23/03/2009 20:49

Just to add another theory to this...

Y1 & Y2: Parents have lots of energy & commitment to social life of their child and therefore every child in the class is invited to every party - Potentially a party per week of every term. Exhausted they only find the energy to attend two-thirds of them which is why there are always a third that don't show. And to rsvp to so many may be extra difficult if their child goes to stay with the other parent or a grandparent at weekends.

Y3 & Y4: Only the regular attenders and those who's parents still host parties are invited therefore they have received fewer invites which they actually have the energy to attend. Parents by now are quite 'savvy' and know not to p-off the core group and actually welcome the easy option of just texting the rsvp.

Y5 & Y6: It's down to girls only or boys only and then they have narrowed it down to the few close friends so parents can now relax a little.

anchovies · 23/03/2009 20:54

I had about 10 no-replies, made up food boxes for them all and only one of them turned up (with his reply - weird!) and about another 5 didn't turn up on the day without ever telling me why. Put a phone number on the invite and was at school everyday so not sure why people couldn't manage to let me know or apologise for not turning up? Ds wasn't bothered (didn't notice) but I was a bit peeved to say the least.

Next time I would send in a "reminder" the middle of the week before or chase them all in the playground. Would never not reply myself, very rude and thoughtless.

mumof2andabit · 23/03/2009 20:57

Tis rude. Dh's friends with kids never let us know whether they are coming or not. Last year we chased them to get an answer this year I pressumed they werent coming and they didn't. It doesnt take much to send a text saying cant make it sorry but it does make the whole party planning circus a lot easier to cope with and stops feelings being hurt.

Guess who's just held a kids party???

BackToBasics · 23/03/2009 21:03

TallulahToo i think parents understand that the dc get lots of invites and have busy lives etc but i think the point people are trying to make is; reply, even if it's to say your dc can't make it.

It is rude to just not reply and just not turn up. If my dc had one invitation per week, it still wouldn't be difficult to just respond to say thanks but little Sally can't make the party.

gemmiegoatlegs · 23/03/2009 21:12

i had this last year for ds and it drove me barmy. luckily I was only charged for the kids who had shown up, at £8 a head it could have been another £40.

I like the invites that have a mobile number on them. Takes nothing to text a quick rsvp, even if you don't know the mum

pollywobbledoodle · 23/03/2009 21:17

it is the norm
its rude and completely shocked me
why not move it to home and resend invites to tjhose who have replied only

TallulahToo · 23/03/2009 21:22

BtB: I agree &, despite my theory, was totally peeved when a few didn't reply or show for DS bowling party this year. It was so expensive and maximum numbers were limited so that we only invited 14 from his class. We weren't charged for the no shows (fortunately) but it meant that we could have invited others who were able to come instead. Expecially as I had had to explain to a couple of classmates that they hadn't been invited for this reason.

mum23monkeys · 23/03/2009 21:38

Sorry to get at you Clueless, but if someone goes to the effort of organising a party, then regardless of whether it is extra cost for them or not, it is rude to dismiss their efforts with a non-reply. Maybe you should consider refusing invitations if you don't know if you'll be able to commit to going or not.

And sorting out siblings? Beyond the age of 4 I don't think I've ever stayed at a party so childcare for others is not an issue. When younger than that, I've either had a baby with me which is never a problem, occasionally an older one but usually pre-school parties are during the school day, or I ask if older ones can come as helpers. If none of these scenarios are possible, then I would have to refuse the party invitation, and would do so promptly.

SmileyMylee · 23/03/2009 21:52

Not read the whole thread, but could I encourage all parents to reply early.

My DD (6 years old/ was devastated at her party. We had invited 12 (normally I do the whole class but kept numbers down this year.) Four showed up although we had had 8 positive replies. 3 of the ones who had accepted and then not turned up didn't even bother to provide any explanation.

Whilst I do mind wasting my money, I really can't stand people whose thoughtlessness meant that my daughter thought that all her friends must hate her. She kept a brave face through all her party and then collapsed in tears as the last guest left.

Please, please reply early and let the host know if you can't make it.

cluelessnchaos · 23/03/2009 21:57

You are not getting at me, you are expressing an opinion as am I, and as I have tried to sat many parents dont reply because they have forgotten, or have not yet made arrangements. I think a lot of people get their feathers ruffled about an unintentional slight, and I often do refuse invitations if we are busy.

And sorting out siblings is necessary in my world and many other peoples worlds. My dh works offshore and is away half of the time and we live in teh middle of nowhere and tend to have to travel quite a way to party venues and is not worth returning home for ten minutes to turn around again to go and get them, I also work so if I can arrange lifts for my dc it can sometimes take a while, it is not for me as simple as saying yes I am free that day. Of course some people dont mind extra siblings coming but that is something I else I have to check in advance or else risk being flamed.

happywomble · 23/03/2009 22:01

It is very rude not to reply.
If one has to make up extra food that is not eaten it is expensive and wasteful. Party bags/going home presents are also expensive. Sometimes parties require a set adult/child ratio so it makes a big difference if 10 people don't show up.
clueless - if you are not sure what you are doing why don't you phone the host and say you are not quite sure if you will be around and will let her know by.(give date)...

Also if you don't reply you are hogging a space at the party and preventing the host inviting a child in your childs place if they cannot attend.

paolosgirl · 23/03/2009 22:05

I completely agree with the OP - this is the height of bad manners.

I've got a 40th party this Saturday, and there are about 7 or 8 couples that I've still to hear from. The invitations were sent out 6 weeks ago, and I'm now left wondering if I should pay for the food for these additional 14-16 people or not. I'm on a limited budget, and that's a heck of a lot of expense if they are not coming.

Quite frankly, if you don't know one way or another about a week before the party you should do the decent thing and say that you can't make it, so that the host knows one way or another.

Hulababy · 23/03/2009 22:06

How annoying. I hate it when people don't reply.

It is DD's party on Saturday Just waiting to hear from 2 - they are maybes at the moment. Was supposed to let me know this past weekend, so will have to chase againa s want to get party bags made up now.

I did chase 5 (from 15) people towards the end of last week.

IMO it is rude not to reply. If you are not sure you can make it let the parents know so you can find out when they definitely need to know by, or just decline if you can't make a decision.

Foor those people who don't reply generally - if you got an invite yourself for a dinne party, work party, etc. would you still not reply either and just expect to turn up on the day and all be fine?

Obviously there are going to be occasions when things can't be helped - hospital, etc. That is different.

saadia · 23/03/2009 22:07

I'm afraid it is the norm. At ds1's party last year I gave my home phone number, my mobile (for texts) and my e-mail and asked for replies by a certain date and yet still people didn't reply. In fact I bumped into some of the mums of the invitees and I still had to ask if their dcs would be coming. It is utterly bizarre.

As my MIL says, when you receive an invitation you should either decide to attend and then do everything in your power to be there, or else decline the invitation.

cluelessnchaos · 23/03/2009 22:07

Because happywomble I am not that bloody organised I have hardly enough time in my day to pack a flipping lunch box, never mind making an additional call to someone to tell them that I will tell them sometime, I am not sure when becasue I am not sure what the hell is happeing, I am trying to get across that you are all taking this so personally and noone is trying to piss you off, they are getting on with their lives and will feel terrible if they ultimately forget and as I also said if it necessary for you to know numbers call and ask, or approach parents I have done this in the past, for bowling parties and swimming parties and pamper parties, and when I did I didnt think they are all trying to ruin my dcs day I thought thats ok you forgot, dont worry.

Doha · 23/03/2009 22:09

I tend to book my DC's parties at a local indoor soft play centre. You only pay for the number of kids that turn up and party bags are provided.

paolosgirl · 23/03/2009 22:10

We're all busy - 3 kids, long commute, work, 3 separate schools to drop them off at, no family or outside help, after school activities etc etc etc in my case, but one quick phone call, that's all it takes.

If you can spend time on MN you can make a quick phone call or send a text or email.

alicet · 23/03/2009 22:12

So clueless you don't have 1 free minute in the evening when the dc are in bed to call someone and explain that you are not yet sure if you can make it? Why not put your phone on loud speaker and call while you are doing the washing up? Its really not that hard!

saadia · 24/03/2009 07:09

clueless I don't think anyone takes it personally when people don't reply, but it does cause inconvenience.