Still waiting for 10 people to reply to invites for ds's party next weekend

[longhardlookinthemirror]

The rsvp date was last Friday! I'm really enoyed by this. Some of these parents I don't know so won't be able to ask them in the playground. Am I ment to just assume they are all coming?....and what if they don't?....I could have had it at home if I knew they all weren't coming and saved some money by not hiring somewhere!!!

Is this the norm at kids party's? I am new to this.

You all must be really perfect, houses spotless, never late for playdates, always get your notes back to school on time, reply to invitations, in my world I cut people a bit of slack for not always making the grade, I was not saying that I had it harder than everybody else, in fact I said I was like many other people and we should be more tolerant of others, I was responding to a spefic point on why I sort out childcare for siblings. After loads of parties I make it easier on myself by not getting stressed about people replying or not, and I am coming from the point of view of a party organiser as well as invitee.

"If you can spend time on MN you can make a quick phone call or send a text or email."

That is so true.

The same applys to thank you cards, i hate it when people make the excuse that they don't have the time to do them. Rather someone just say they don't want to do them or can't be arsed, which is fair enough. But don't say you don't have the time when you have the time for MN.

"I don't have the time" seems to be peoples favourate excuse these days. Well MOST people have busy lives/lots of things to juggle and organise/disabled children to look after/siblings to think about. When someone says these things, like they are the only one in the world with a busy life (and make other people, who are polite enough to respond to invites, out to be some kind of "goody two shoes" with no life and lots of time on their hands,) i just want to say to them "we are all busy, you are not special, you are just rude and full of excuses because really you do have the time (all 2 minutes of writing on said invite u can/cannot come)but you just cannot be bothered."

Sorry for ranting but this kind of thing really annoys me.

many parties have to have set numbers, ie a build a bear party or we had a tumbletots party and beacuse of insurance we could only have 20, so we invited 20, most replied yes or no but had to chase a few

as we were paying for 20 we wanted to fill the spaces

i agree it is very bad manners not to let people know either way whether a birthday party, or a dinner party - and dont even get me started on weddings and then you spend £40+ per head for meals that dont get eaten

and yes if you can spend time on MN, you can pick up the phone and call the person or write them a short note and pop into childs school bag - takes 2 minutes

I can't believe there are truely that many people - and certainly there can't be any person who has time to be on MN - that don't have the required two minutes to make a phone call or write a note regards a party reply.

As already said - it is not just a case of party oprganisers being over zealous about it. For some parties numbers ARE required in advance.

I am going to chase my last two up today for Saturday's party, then I can at least make sure my party bags are made up and labelled.

And you have to remember that whilst it isn't a real big issue if it is just one person who forgets or doesn't reply - if everyone has that thought, and thinks they don't need to (for whatever reason) then you could have, like the OP, 10 non responders - and that really does make party planning a nightmare.

I think not replying to an invite is shockingly rude. How can anyone possibly not have time to do this. Just make a call while you're unloading the dishwasher or something.

OP - how's it going? Any more replies?

My personal top tips for combatting this one:

• give lots of RSVP options. I often only remember to RSVP at unlikely times of night - if there is an email/ mobile option I will mail or text there and then, if there is just a home 'phone number then it relies on me remembering at a civilised time of day
• use pester power. I gave my DS a list and got him to tell non-respondees that they needed to get their parents to reply otherwise there would be no food/party bag for them [evil manipulative cackle] - I had a sudden rush of replies.

SmileyMylee I am nearly crying thinking of your poor DD. What rotten luck for her!

OP it may be that the reason some of the parents haven't replied is because they don't know you - they might be shy and putting it off. I hate making phone calls to people I don't know (but I still would, of course, because it's a party and it would be rude not to, but I would have to steel myself a little.) I also put my mobile number on now and ask people to text just in case anyone is like me and procrastinates through shyness.

I used to be perplexed that I would walk past someone in the playground who still hadn't told me whether their DC could come to my DC's party - how could they see me, say hello, and not remember??? Until a Mum said to me once: er, can your DD come to my DD's party? I honestly thought I'd told her .

Also it can be difficult if parents are separated; the parent having them in the week might not feel that they can say yes which will in effect be dictating what the parent who has the child at the weekend will be doing that weekend.

But, all in all, yes it's rude.

Agree with stealthsquiggle regards giving lots of RSVP options.

I normally include home telephone, mobile number and email address. Plus obviously parents can see me or SH before/after school most days.

I have snet my last two reminders. Had one reply back so far (positive), just one more to go.

back from work and back into the fray !! I am surprised so many of you say non replying is the norm - I would say most people where we are are pretty considerate -

Clueless - I disagree with you - if you don't know what you are doing just turn down the invite its not that hard. Also Take Balloons point though about separated parents .

Sometimes I can't reply straight off to an invite if only 1 child has been invited and I have to sort the others out.Usually we are delighted to be invited and I let the host know well in advance. Sometimes I've brought a sibling along at venue parties and the host has always been pleased because they make up for the 'no show's!On the other hand I have completely forgotten a party or two, and sometimes an invite has been found crumpled at the end of the drive. When I've had a no show I assume they never received the invite, especially if after, there is no mention of it. Best thing is not to go for expensive parties, keep it simple, leave email and mobile no.s on invite, don't invite too many (definitely only offspring of parents you like!)and give invites to parents, never kids who will lose them!

hmmm kidowner - I would never turn up with a sibling without asking the host (think that one has been debated on here)

I think it is up to the host to decide what sort of party to have and how much to spend. The invitee can then decide whether the party theme/location appeals or not.

I would not leave out the offspring of parents I don't like as people can't help their parents!!

Delivering invites..I either ask the teacher if I can pop them in bookbags or deliver them directly to peoples houses. I think it is ok to give the invites to the parents if everyone is invited. However it can be a bit depressing seeing invites handed out at hometime if your child is not invited.

Happywomble, I have been in the position of bringing a sibling along on the understanding they are discreet, not going to be fed or sit down. (It happens in unavoidable situations, of course, they could sit for the duration of the party outside in the car. The choice otherwise would not to come at all but I have never been in that situation.) One hostess had been let down by several 'no shows' and asked me back to go back and pick up the rest of my children to make up the numbers! Obviously this wouldn't work with people you don't know but all the parties we've been to there has been a tremendous wastage of food that hostesses have welcomed extra feeders. Likewise, I welcome siblings to my children's parties if their mums are in the same position I'm in and I always keep a few extra party bags for them just in case.

kidowner. I feel bad about my previous post which was maybe not that well put now I reread it. I think I got a bit wound up about the not replying to invites thing and then got carried away on other party issues!

I think my reason for not liking older siblings at parties was based on my experience at a nursery age party or two where there were several older boys being rather rough which made me worry about DDs safety on the bouncy castle and also DD was very shy and I think she found it overwhelming seeing lots of older children she didn't know at the party. Having had a boy first I am used to boys with high spirits but would not let my son behave as these boys did at a younger childrens party.

However leaving aside this type of experience often older siblings can behave very well and are happy to let the younger ones be in the limelight. It is really thoughtful of you to buy extra things in case siblings turn up and its good that your children helped eat up the food at the party you mention as it is always a pity to see food wasted. As you say it is the "discreet" bit that is all important!

Yes I totally agree about big children and little toddlers on bouncy castles, in soft play etc. That is totally irresponsible and frightening for little ones. Happily my dds would never do that, but offer to help instead. I suppose because they are so motherly of my toddler ds and my friends' toddlers they are well thought of and welcomed.

It is rude not to reply to an invitation, I agree. I asked one mum if her ds was coming to a party, (over a week after I'd sent the invites) + she said, "Oh yeah, was the invite in a blue envelope? I do remember getting it, can't see any reason why he can't come!" Guess what, he didn't turn up + the mum never mentioned it again.

I've never asked the teacher to pass on invitations though, I've always handed them to the parent, (not the child), at the school gates. (I do realise this is difficult for those who work though).

This also happened to me last year on my sons fourth birthday, i was really angry, i had only sent out four invites for his favourite friends and we only got one yes reply.
So the day before the party i had to go and ask the mothers face to face if their kids were coming, they all said no, i wish they could of replied to say the embarrassment of me having to ask people i don't really know very well!

OP - is your party this weekend? If so, hope it goes really well