to be cross about this letter from our neighbours?

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Letter reads:

"Dear Neighbours!

X and I would be so grateful if you could trim down your trees. The gardens are so small that your trees already last year shadowed big parts of it.

This year most of the garden will be shadowed, even when the sun stands high.

We are also concerned about your [illegible, but I think it refers to either some ivy or a honeysuckle]. It starts to climb over the shed which will cause damp.

As I said, we would be so grateful if you could help us with this."

Background:

Gardens are south facing.

We have one cherry tree, in the bottom corner of our garden. It has been there for longer than we have lived here - 21 years. Our neighbours have been here for about 5. Last year they complained about the blossom falling into their garden, on to their decking and asked me to cut the tree back. I refused, but said I would have it pruned. I forgot to do that, but will do it this year, once it has blossomed. We had a gardening company in returfing our lawn last year, and they asked them to cut down our tree! They didn't ask me about this, just complained about the blossom.

Along the same fence I have a ballerina apple tree, which probably grows about 3 feet taller than the fence. Ballerina trees have one main trunk and only a few branches, all of which are pretty vertical. Nothing overhands their garden and the foliage is very light.

Then there is a ceanothus, which is also about 3 metres taller than the fence. Again, foliage is small and it is not an especially dense shrub.

They built their shed at the bottom of their garden, right up against the fence. Our ivy, and the honeysuckle, not surprisingly carries on growing up our fence and on to their shed.

I am happy to have our cherry tree pruned, and will even cut back the ivy and/or honeysuckle a bit. But I'm not too sure if this is what they want.

These neighbours have been practically re-building their house for the last 4+ years (work is still going on) and they have really, really irritated us with the constant work.

DH is livid about the letter and his response is unhelpfully belligerent.

We clearly have no sense of perspective about this, but I don't want to fall out as we do have to live with them as our neighbours!

So, oh wise MN - what would you counsel?

Agree, the tone of the letter is friendly. I think you are annoyed because of your history with them. If your honeysuckle is on their shed then they can cut it back. As for your trees, that's a matter of how magnanimous you are feeling. Offer to prune a bit?

No - she didn't tell me that she was laying cement. Just went apeshit when it was ruined. I can understand that, but it could have been any number of the many, many cats that live around here. Or even the foxes!

It's always tricky, but I'd go part of the way to keep things friendly. As for the note that may have been meant well. Knocking on someone's door can go very wrong if you catch them at a bad moment and blurt out what you want. At least in a note you can take your time getting it right.

Someone asked on here about leaving a note for their neighbour recently for that reason.

there is a right to light, but it's all a bit complicated to establish

There are only two things that we have done/said (intentionally) that I know have upset them. One was forgetting to prune the tree. And I did forget. The other was making it very clear to them how intrusive we thought it was when they built a balcony on to their bedroom, which looks directly over our garden. I know that they didn't like that. But nor did we!

I think what I need to do is to prune everything a little, to show willing. But I'm not prepared to lose my tree.

I'm tempted to reply by letter, but I think that's silly, so will go round and see her tomorrow and tell her.

You are embarrassed that you forgot to trim the Cherryblossom, but I can understand them being annoyed about it. If you don't want a garden that is a lot of work then having cherry blossom falling for weeks is irritating. Especially if they sit there, as I assume they do if they have decking there.

The shrub must be quite big if it is 3m taller than the fence, that will shade their garden.

Perhaps they wrote a letter as it is less easy to ignore/forget again.

I would write them a note saying that you will prune the cherry blossom when it has finished flowering, apologising again for not doing so last year. And I would seriously think about cutting back the shrub too.

Why don't you just pop a quick note back to say sorry that you forgot to prune the cherry last year, and that you have organised for this after blossom time (an actual date might really help lower the tension). When you have the tree surgeon, or whoever you get to prune the cherry ask them about treating the other tall trees/shrubs, and see if they have any useful suggestions. Sometimes a prune is very helpful to keep things in a good shape/manageable. Re the ivy/honeysuckle that's really their prerogative if it's in their garden.

Think about it the other way

If someone came on here and said that their neighbour's trees completely blocked out the light in their garden I imagine the response would be different

Added to her bloomin cats putting paw prints in my cement
We spoke to her about the cherry tree last year and she promised to have it pruned
Did she ever though
It was so upsetting that we asked her gardeners to do it later in the year..still nothing.
I wouldn't mind but all her beautiful trees block out my light and then I have to clear up the blossoms of the trees that she enjoys in the sunlight I don't have.
Added to all the ongoing stress I have from bloomin DH and his endless diy projects it's no wonder I'm becoming a snappy old cow

Dear ladies of mumsnet...what should I do?

Everyone on MN
Write a letter nicely explaining the problem..this will remind her and let her know you have no light etc etc

oh oh keep us updated, I had a similar thing where the landlord of the house next to ours wanted to chop down our trees yet the tennants love them as much as I do

Ronaldinhio!

I know, I know - that's exactly why I asked and posted in AIBU!

I have obviously lost any of the moral highground by forgetting to prune the tree.

But I can't help it if the blossom falls off my tree onto their decking!

Anyway, will do the decent thing and fix an appointment for said pruning.

our neighbours didnt even bother to come to us, just went straigh to the council who trimmed our trees for free, result!

Our neighbours have come round to our house twice in 2 years to ask us to cut down some flowering tree as it blocks out the sun when she is in the sunhouse/garden in her bikini. DH refused last year. It is a really lovely tree and pnly in flower for a short time. One year they said they would do it. I think they might have even come round and said "could they...."

Can you put a trellis up on your side in the area the honeysuckle etc is? This would heighten your fence a little, and give the honeysuckle more to climb on. And you would obstruct the view to your neighbours shed.

QS here.

Some people dont know how lucky they are. They should be grateful their worst problem is blossom and an overhanging tree. Having had dreadful neighbours really gives you some perspective. Our last lot were drug dealing yobbos who shouted and swore in the garden, smoked skunk til my washing smelt of it and had drunken fights. Oh yes and the staffordshire dogs kept "for protection" that learned to jump the very high fence we put up and shat all over our garden.

I would get the tree pruned and that's as far as it goes.

I would then buy a humungous climbing frame or trampoline so that the kids can climb on top and peer into their garden all day - perhaps then they will want the tree for privacy

I'm a bit anti our neighbour at the minute as we cut down all of the horrible conifers at the end of our garden and they complained that they no longer had any privacy - you would have thought they would have been happier with not being in the black shadowy gloom all of the time.

We've also had a note through the door asking that the kids don't draw with chalk on the road. Could we keep it to just outside our house? I hose it off every evening - miserable old b~ggers. Think the mrs bucket alike from next door is worried that her car tyres might get chalk on them!

KERALA1 - couldn't agree more! I'd love cherry blossom in my garden, but all I've ever had from next door is cat poo (bagged and unbagged!) beer cans, vandalism and harassment

Tell them you need the tall shrub to regain the privacy you lost when they added their balcony.

No, just prune the cherry tree as you need to etc and ignore the letter. I wouldn't even apologise for forgetting because they clearly aren't going to be happy unless you chop it down completely.

I'd go and see them. I'd say I was planning to prune the cherry tree this year and that I'd meant to last year. I'd tell them to prune any ivy that creeps over to their side of the fence.

The tone of the note is polite.

We have some neighbours who keep dropping large hints about us cutting down/pruning trees so they get more light. We have done some, but now they have a bird's eye view into our house all winter and are still muttering about one more.
Why buy a house with a short north-east facing garden if you're passionate about sunshine in your garden at all times of the day/evening?

some people don't have a huge amount of time or choice when buying a house, clam. And they hope they will get pleasant considerate neighbours

I have a friend whose neighbours climbed over the fence while she was out and cut most of her tree down.

Then they left all the massive logs and brances for her to clear up when she got out of hospital.

Beat that!