to ask my nanny to look after a friend's child for an hour when my friend has her 12 week scan?

[nowwearefour]

i have a nanny 1 day a week. she is lovely. when i went for scans (had to have lots with dd2) this friend took dd1 almost all the time so we could concentrate properly etc. now my friend has finally conceived no2 and wants to be able to concentrate at her scan too. her other friend had agreed to look after her dd but pulled out on friday. the only slight issue is that my nanny's own childcare arrangements broke down for the next 3 weeks and so her husband has had to take the day off to look after her own daughter as i dont usually really like her bringing her along to work. i just feel a bit of a hypocrite to then say 'but it's ok t have an extra child around if makes my life more convenient, not if it makes your life more convenient'. It would only be for 1 hour but i really dont know whether i should ask her so she can say no, not ask ehr or what i should do??? will she feel she cant say no but be a bit internally cross with me? i really value her and do not want to annoy her!!

OP - YAnotBU. You sound like a fab employer. I very much doubt your nanny will look for another job as you've been both flexible and generous. The problem with the AIBU topic is that it can attract those who have an axe to grind or just want to vent at someone. I'd ask nanny if she'd do this favour but wouldn't offer extra money as it sounds as if you've been more than reasonable with her in the past.

I think the reason that a lot of people got miffed is that you gave us your first post and then left.

You were given opinions and then came back to defend yourself by stating all the times that you had been flexible and giving lots of extra info which would have been helpful to know in the first place.

The prob with AIBU is that if you dont know all the facts, you can only give your opinion based on the info you have been given.

Your post basically said "i didnt want my nanny bringing her child to work and her OH had to take the day off work to look after her, so am i taking the piss asking her to look after a friends child"

You must be able to see why anyone would have a problem with that.

yes FF, a good exapmple of AIBU-by-stealth

your original post made most of us think yabu because you wouldnt let your nanny bring her own child in an emergancy

now you have given us more facts, ie it wasnt an emergancy but that your nanny had 3months notice of the date etc then yes i do think you could ask your nanny to have your friends child for an hour

as others have said, most nannies including myself are more than happy to be flexible/do favours for our mb's, and i have had my mb's friends son before when the mum broke her wrist, as i am happy to help out

you do sound a very flexible boss

ok yes well of course if i wouldnt let her bring her dd in an emergency i would be a bad boss and a bad person. but of course i would! thanks for explaining and i can see i need to set out more details in my OPs in future. i'll try not to post and run in future too though sometimes that is hard to do!!

hope your friends scan goes ok !

nowwearefour, of course it's totally your decision to have it written in your nanny's contract that she doesn't usually bring her own dd to work but can I just say that I was a nanny before I had my dd four years ago and I was allowed to bring my ds and it worked brilliantly. He became really close to their ds and still get on really well to this day!

so have you asked her nowwearefour?

and if your nanny did say no, but sure she wont under the circumstances - why cant your friend and her dh both go, and put their child in a buggy/give her a book and biscuit and take her to the scan?

and yes agree with ebb, that the nannys dh can look after his own child for 3 weeks if they didnt both sort out childcare with 3months notice - it is half his child as well

well would you believe it my friend said today she wasnt sure if her dd would be happy at the toddler group and would rather my nanny stayed in with my 2! i was a bit put out as she had put me in a 'position' in the first place. i said i thought she might agree to wat ching ehr at a toddler gropu but might not agree to changing the whole am plans. not sure if i did the right thing. i need to ring my nanny but after friend said that i didnt know what to do!!!

Hi OP. I don't like to post usually on AIBU because it does invite such wide opinions. But just one thing stands out to me... If you maintain this employment rule of looking after only your own DC(s), then what happens when they want to bring their little friends home from pre-school etc? Would think that Nanny needs to be more than a little accommodating.

This is not meant in any sort of judgey way but from a mum who regularly has DD4 bring home her current best friend for 2-3 hrs play and is quite tearful if I say not today.

This playmate could be the new baby of your friend or any other child - where will you and nanny stand then? Hope you work it out with her.

thanks for all your thoughts. i am quite sure about my choice for sole care of my children at this stage. i do suspect she might have another baby and when both mine are in school then i think things will change and it will be lovely for her to bring hers along. but she might have other plans for her working arrangements then. for now i will keep things just as they are as i like the care she gives when it is just mine there. that is why i chose a nanny over a childminder or a nursery. they have each other for company. thanks though i am open to ideas and suggestions so feel free to keep them coming!!

I think you should offer her an hour extra pay, like others suggested.

TallulahToo - having a friend round for a play date that the nanny organises is very different from the op asking her nanny to have another child for another parent

most nannies are happy to do play dates - AS long as you get the favour returned

i think you need to say to your friend that IF your nanny has her child, that it is up to the nanny what she wants to do, ie go to toddler or stay at home

nowwearefour you do not have to defend your choice of childcare - a nanny works for you and tbh it is easier to have a nanny if you have 2 or more children

to come to your house, rather than you have to get yourself +2children up, dressed and ready before you leave for work makes life much easier