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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my nanny to look after a friend's child for an hour when my friend has her 12 week scan?

88 replies

nowwearefour · 22/03/2009 13:54

i have a nanny 1 day a week. she is lovely. when i went for scans (had to have lots with dd2) this friend took dd1 almost all the time so we could concentrate properly etc. now my friend has finally conceived no2 and wants to be able to concentrate at her scan too. her other friend had agreed to look after her dd but pulled out on friday. the only slight issue is that my nanny's own childcare arrangements broke down for the next 3 weeks and so her husband has had to take the day off to look after her own daughter as i dont usually really like her bringing her along to work. i just feel a bit of a hypocrite to then say 'but it's ok t have an extra child around if makes my life more convenient, not if it makes your life more convenient'. It would only be for 1 hour but i really dont know whether i should ask her so she can say no, not ask ehr or what i should do??? will she feel she cant say no but be a bit internally cross with me? i really value her and do not want to annoy her!!

OP posts:
pointydog · 22/03/2009 17:11

yabu. you need to do the favour, not the nanny

Nabster · 22/03/2009 17:13

That is what I thought, pointydog, but as the OP works I didn't think it was a plan.

Where is the OP?

willowthewispa · 22/03/2009 17:15

I'm a nanny and would be happy to do this for my boss - I'll look after another nanny's charges if she's ill to help out too, an extra child or two makes little difference. But then I'm confident my boss would let me bring my child to work in an emergency too.

alicet · 22/03/2009 17:17

Can't you see if your friend can have her scan at a different time when you are not at work and so can look after her child for her? most hospitals would be accommodating to changing the time of the scan if you had problems and a little bit of notice?

I don't think it's unreasonable to say toi your friend that you can only have her dd on a day when you are free to look after her.

i don't think its unreasonable to ask your nanny but agree you should expressly say to her that she is free to say no without there being any ill feeling

DaisyMooSteiner · 22/03/2009 17:17

How mean not to let her bring her own child to work in an emergency. She's probably looking for another job anyway, so you haven't got much to lose by asking her to look after your friend's child.

Sfendona · 22/03/2009 17:20

Hmm alicet has a good point about changing the appt. i ve just read the OP again and i see that you only have the nanny for one day a week. And your friends appt is on that day so you can take advantage of the nanny?

salome64 · 22/03/2009 17:30

I don't remember getting any choice when it came to the scan dates. its probably just an coincidene.

Sfendona · 22/03/2009 17:34

Ok prob it is. But did anyone been back home in an hour? I never did

salome64 · 22/03/2009 17:37

Thinks back to two bus trek to hospital, half an hour wait, two bus trek back...nope.

salome64 · 22/03/2009 17:39

but to be fair to the op, she did mention she was giving her a morning off for something or other...

tiggerlovestobounce · 22/03/2009 17:39

I think that if you had let your nanny bring her daughter to work when she had her childcare emergency then you would have earnt a bit of goodwill, and she would probably have been happy to reciprocate by looking after your friends child for a bit.
She is probably still a but miffed that she wasnt allowed that, and so I think this probably isnt a good time to ask her to do more than her job requires.

AnyMothersDayFucker · 22/03/2009 18:09

where is the OP ?

MelonCauli · 22/03/2009 18:37

I think you are taking the p*ss. I would be looking for another job if I were your nanny.

Original poster
nowwearefour · 22/03/2009 18:39

can i just explain here please!! the childcare situation for my nanny was not an emergency. her fther normally looks after her and 3 months in advance he planned a 3 week holiday. she didnt even mention it to me- i just picked it up through other things she had said. and so i offered her a half day for one of those three days. and i offered to change the days i worked for the other weeks if it made life easier for her to find childcare. i didnt think i should have her daughter with my children for 2 whole days when she is paid extra to not bring her daughter- an arrangement she freely signed up to as was told i wanted a nanny who didnt bring her chidren by the agenc before she chose to come along to the interiew. in times in the past in an EMERGENCY i have of course let her bring her dd along. i have also given her LOTS of extra days off causing me other issues whenever she has needed it. but this was oe hour- and our gp surgery has a scanner which is literally just down the road from the toddler group where my friend could leave her dd for a 15 minute scan appt.so 1 hour leaves lots of time for late running appts etc. i just wanted to do my friend who is from zimbabwe and has no family in the uk a favour when she helped me out SO many times when i needed it when pg with dd2. and she had lined up another friend so as not to have to ask my nanny. but the sonograher at our gp surgery is a bit grumpy and does not permit other children in the room. so she needs to find somsone or not go to teh scan. i think of myself as a really thoughtful nemployer - which is why i am posting here...... but i pay for the sole care of ym children and i dont think i should have to defend that position!!

OP posts:
Original poster
nowwearefour · 22/03/2009 18:42

meloncauli. why am i taking the p*ss? in ahvent even asked her yet!! and i have let her have a half day off (paid) when she hadnt even asked for it to look after her dd when her childcare plans arent in place. i was just wondering (not knowing at all what was reasonable hence my posting) whehter i could ask her to do a favour or not. really cant begin to tell youhow out of my wa i have gone to accommodate her dd when she has really needed me to. i do find the vitriol of some postings here alittle harsh.

OP posts:
Original poster
nowwearefour · 22/03/2009 18:45

so just to add that i HAVE always and WOULD ALWAYS let her bring her dd along in an EMERGENCY. the scan appt is literally just down the raod from the place where the toddler group is. i have given her a morning off towards the childcare arrangements and offered to sawp my days. i do take the piont that maybe I should do the favour for m friend but as i simply cannot take the day off then maybe i will say no to her. i do not want to upset my nanny but her bringing her dd to work i do not have any issue with myself about as she has NOT asked to bring her along- when i offered ehr her morning off she said am i sure i can find care for her and i said no pls take the morning off.

OP posts:
AnyMothersDayFucker · 22/03/2009 18:46

hardly vitriol to tell you that are being unreasonable

and I still think YABU, even after you have drip-fed us a little bit more information.....

Original poster
nowwearefour · 22/03/2009 18:47

not that i am being unreasonable. just that i am taing the p*ss and that someone would be looking for a new job!

OP posts:
Original poster
nowwearefour · 22/03/2009 18:48

i went out for the afternoon sorry for not being around. and i came on here to ask if people thought it was unreasonable and if i am i wont do it!!! i am openminded so am glad i came on here before asking her

OP posts:
MelonCauli · 22/03/2009 18:55

I think you are taking the p*iss because you are asking her for flexibility but you yourself are not showing any flexibility at all by not letting her bring her child when she has unexpected childcare problems.

Can you not see that?

noonar · 22/03/2009 19:08

why dont you ask her if she wants to earn an extra hour's pay? you cant ask it as a favour, for the reasons you've stated.

salome64 · 22/03/2009 19:10

nowwearefour. with a bit more information, it doesn't sound at all like she would resent it. might be nice for your friend to show her appreciation though, some chocolates or something.

Melon, I think her recent posts shows that actually she is pretty flexible on the whole. Read the whole thread before flaming her.

willowthewispa · 22/03/2009 19:16

In that case, I think it would be reasonable to ask (but make clear she can say no) - I wouldn't mind.

Original poster
nowwearefour · 22/03/2009 19:18

melon. i have shown LOTS of flexibility towards her which is why i wondered about asking her. but i still didnt know whether i should. i havent done so yet. surely that is why i am NOT taking the p*ss because i asked on here before actually doing anything about it? I have gone far further towards shwoing flexibility than my emploer would have- a half day off and i even offered for her to have my children at hers (whcih she has asked to do before) as i dont like my children travelling in the front of a car which they wouldnt need to do if they were at hers. i do not feel the need to defend her not bringing her daughter to work if she has enough time to plan for something else. as i siad she didnt ASK to bring her - if she had asked i would have assumed she had no other choices and would have said yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
nowwearefour · 22/03/2009 19:20

i would ALWAYS make it clear she could say no but i just wouldnt want her to feel that even though i had said that she couldnt say no anyway- if that makes sense.

OP posts: