To think that mumsnet could be seen as complicit (sp!) in many over exaggerated m-day expectations.

[LEMAGAIN]

I mean, pity the poor guy who doesn't do expensive chocolates, not bought in the supermarket, expensive hand picked flowers, not from the petrol garage. A lie in to waste the morning, followed by a slap up meal in gastro pub Sans parents and ILs else the real star of the show feels upstaged!

Why do we expect so much?? I mean, shouldn't we all just be treated with love and respect EVERY DAY - a lovely card and a box of choccies is great, when they get older of course the home made ones are the best. But i could feel the collective seethe on here LAST NIGHT, as women wallowed in the self pity of knowing that their partner's wont actually understand that they do have to treat today like it is our birthday as we will be at the school gates tomorrow or mumsnet today comparing notes!!!

NOTE: THIS IS NOT MY "ACTUAL" OPINION, BUT ONE COULD BE FORGIVEN FOR THINKING IT

Well, that is my actual opinion. I am still carrying my first child, but was chuffed with my simple card and small teddy bear that said 'world's best mum.' And I will be just as chuffed next year if that's all I get.

My mother made such a big deal out of Mother's Day, to the point of crying if the day wasn't 'perfect', I really would rather just have a nice card than anything else.

Everyone keeps telling me I'll change that thinking when the baby is actually born, but I find that very hard to believe.

I tend to agree with you, but then DH and I are fairly nonplussed about the majority of these "days" in the calendar!

However, I think people just like having something to complain post about.

At the risk of being flamed, I will say that I can't believe the number of people on here whinging about not getting gifts, having to "share the day" with mums or MILs, not getting a lie-in or breakfast or meals cooked for them. When did Mother's Day become a day where everyone is expected to be waited on hand and foot and given outrageous gifts?? It's just a shame that so many will spend the day pouting about what they didn't get instead of enjoying the day with what they have.

And yes, I agree with the phrase "collective seethe" as well. It's unsettling to see so many say "oh YANBU" and reinforcing the anger that the OP has. I can understand it in domestic violence and abusive situations, but not over lie-ins or presents.

I don't know if it's MN's fault, but people certainly do get pretty foot-stampy over not being showered with gratitude / gifts / Specialness. Maybe just people feel freer to wallow on MN, you'd hardly wallow / bitch at the school gate about how rubbish your dc / dp / dh had been.

I hate all the sulkiness over Mother's Day. Sure fire way for kids to grow up feeling guilty over not Doing It Well Enough - even if it's aimed through the dp/h. I think it's a really bad example to show your children. On Mother's Day I get up and kiss the children and think how lucky I am to have them.

I think I'm in agreement too - there wasn't a huge fuss made, but I got cards and flowers and breakfast in bed, and won't be doing much today (although there's still 2 hours of ironing to do this evening), and I couldn't bear to be out for lunch like a token queen bee wheeled out for the day.

I wholeheartedly agree with Triggles.

Mothering Sunday is a christian celebration for those who believe, certainly nothing to do with the sort of self absorbed sense of entitlement exhibited on most of the "Mother's day" threads here.

"Mother's Day" is a way for florists, card makers etc to make money, and all that spoilt whining about being the "real star of the show" is guaranteeing that they do make plenty of it.

I'm not flaming you Lemagain, but those AIBU threads are depressing as hell. Not great role models for their children.

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YABU for some mums it's one day of the year anybody bothers to make a fuss of them, I know a lot of women who's birthdays are skipped once they have DC or who don't get a Christmas present any more.
I don't expect diamonds but does a box of chocs or a lie in really take that much effort ? I'm not sure I could be married to a man who couldn't bring me a cuppa in bed once a year.

why would you be flaming me turquiose? You are agreeing with me i just added the caveat at the end cos i was scared of getting a flaming for letting down the sisterhood - but it seems they are all marching outside parliment to legislate essential pressies for mothers day

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I think it's more to do with wanting to feel appreciated. Perhaps some Mums just want their dh's to show them some recognition that they don't show the rest of the time. I can honestly understand first time Mum's moaning because there's very little else to life in your first year other than working hard at being a parent.

Some people need expensive gifts to feel appreciated, it's materialistic, but thats just life in this day and age.

Sorrento - my point is, we should have that all the time, well not all the time, but spontaneiously and returning the favour would be nice too.

Ds didn't want to leave my side yesterday to go with dad alone to buy me a present. Why drag him around crying just to buy a poxy present. We are like 'two peas in a pod' and that's the best gift that mother nature has given me.
I will go over to Mum's today even though I would rather spend the day in my garden. I think She'll make out she's not fussed but she is really. She's an old lady and little things matter. I would rather spend the day out on Saturday in a farmers market or something. Oh! I'll tell her today.

It's also to do with people feeling so hard done by all the time - e.g. there's very little else to life in your first year other than working hard at being a parent - I mean yes you are tired and bemused in the first year but you have your first child! You have a year of delight and wonder and discovery. You have the privilege of getting to know your child.

For me it's all in with the push presents and the eternity rings and all the rest of that shite. Grow up, le monde, and adjust your focus. Your mother looked after you, you look after your children, that is the way it is. Try and take pleasure in it and stop looking for presents and gratitude all the time - it won't do your children any good at all.

I guess I'm lucky that I do get that treatment all the time but I guess for many men they need a prompt maybe ?

The other thing - sorry to harp - is that Mother's Day is about the children acknowledging their mother - not about the husband bringing tea in bed. If the children are too young to do something themselves then they are too young, and as they get older they might start making cards or doing something nice for you on the day.

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What kind of a sad marriage is it that the man only makes her a cuppa once a year? If the DH (or kids for that matter) ignore Christmas and birthdays and never show any appreciation during the year, they've got much bigger problems anyway, IMO. DH & I take care to show our appreciation for each other throughout the year, and we've made sure the kids do that too.

Prime example - my 22yo daughter lives with us still, and the other day when she went into town, she asked if we needed anything picked up. I was just joking around (we'd had quite a stressful week) and I said "if you find some sanity, pick that up for us!" That evening, we found a blue box in the living room with a little label on it "box of sanity". Inside the box was a stress ball, some diabetic chocs (for me), some regular chocs (for DH), and a couple other little funny odds and ends, and a card from DD and her 3yo saying "Hope things get better soon."

That kind of thing means SOOO much more to me than a manufactured holiday like Mother's Day.

Thank God I'm 47. A day in a Sunny garden is good enough for me. With a DS by my side getting muddy & DH messing about in the shed. We have to grab those sunny days and not spend them in a pub where I could do better with a little aubergine.

ds is now 5 and I got (at 6:30am) a nursery made flower, petals made from his handprint which he drew and cutout all by himself.

I would not have swapped seeing him so proud for making it himself for any expensive gift, pampering or lie in.

Though I do have to admit this is the first mothers day I did not guilt trip dh to make a fuss as ds has been excited all week about the secret thing he was making and I thought it should be the highlight of the day. I was not dissappointed and for me mothers day from now on with be from my ds not my dh.

Now off to park with ds (dh is working) and then down to spend some time with my own mum. Pefect.

Triggles, thats the sweetest thing your dd did.

Perfect

Triggles, what a fine job you've done. Take a bow.