Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that mumsnet could be seen as complicit (sp!) in many over exaggerated m-day expectations.

70 replies

LEMAGAIN · 22/03/2009 09:53

I mean, pity the poor guy who doesn't do expensive chocolates, not bought in the supermarket, expensive hand picked flowers, not from the petrol garage. A lie in to waste the morning, followed by a slap up meal in gastro pub Sans parents and ILs else the real star of the show feels upstaged!

Why do we expect so much?? I mean, shouldn't we all just be treated with love and respect EVERY DAY - a lovely card and a box of choccies is great, when they get older of course the home made ones are the best. But i could feel the collective seethe on here LAST NIGHT, as women wallowed in the self pity of knowing that their partner's wont actually understand that they do have to treat today like it is our birthday as we will be at the school gates tomorrow or mumsnet today comparing notes!!!

NOTE: THIS IS NOT MY "ACTUAL" OPINION, BUT ONE COULD BE FORGIVEN FOR THINKING IT

OP posts:
Triggles · 22/03/2009 10:46

Reality I too resent money being spent on unnecessary cards and presents when money is tight. I don't mind it on MIL as she's had it so rough lately (FIL just died a few wks ago). But not needed on myself. (Not to mention I am just not a gardener so no pretty flowers in our garden )

My DH knows if he brought me coffee or tea in bed, I'd most likely spill it. I'm much better off at the dining room table.

Lindax how sweet! They're so cute when they're all excited about something they've made! I have tons of little things that DD has made me over the years - but honestly couldn't remember stuff she's bought. I have a little collection of drawings, macrame, a paper mache turtle, handprint drawings, handmade christmas ornaments. They mean so much more than something expensive.

MrsMrs · 22/03/2009 10:47

Triggles that's a lovely young woman for you.

Lawks · 22/03/2009 10:47

Actually, I must admit that if it weren't for Mumsnet it probably wouldn't have occured to be to feel aggrieved that no one mentioned Mothers Day.

I'm easily lead.

Triggles · 22/03/2009 10:49

Starbear LOL - I don't know about a fine job or a bow. I do think we've been incredibly lucky with our kids, they're great kids and they really feel family is important. Just 2 more to get to adulthood without messing them up too badly, and we'll be happy.

JulesJules · 22/03/2009 10:52

Ooooh Pruners, wish you hadn't said chocolate croissant [dribble]. I got toast and marmite in bed and very lovely it was too. I'm just hoping the dds don't fight all day and I'm putting off the ironing until next week later...

ShortButNotSweet · 22/03/2009 10:52

I agree that people are expecting too much - I actually tell my dh not to bother with a present for Mothering Sunday. He usually does a home-made card with the dcs which is lovely and all I would 'expect'.

As a child we didn't make a huge fuss of Mothering Sunday - we went to church/Sunday School where they gave us a couple of daffodils each, wrapped in tin foil, to give to our mother, so maybe this is why I don't feel any sense of entitlement over it.

Ewe · 22/03/2009 10:53

I agree, it's totally over the top the expectations people have of this day.

I did get a lie in, but get one most Sundays and DP DD bought me some plants for our roof terrace as we are spending more time out there and have never had outside space before so it looking rather sparse! This is a present for all of us though IYSWIM.

I am in my early 20s so I am of the "mad consumer" generation but I don't think it is down to that tbh. The best think for me was the card DD made at nursery and the sloppy kiss I got at 6am!

clam · 22/03/2009 10:56

Actually, I must say that the best thing about this morning so far has been the fact that my DCs made breakfast in bed for me WITHOUT A SINGLE ARGUMENT IN THE KITCHEN!!!! Not even about who carried the tray up!
Wow!

Triggles · 22/03/2009 10:57

LOL clam I remember my mum saying all she wanted was just one day without us (4 sisters) arguing! I don't know if she ever got that!

Starbear · 22/03/2009 10:58

To think when Ds was only a few weeks old I cried that I thought we hadn't bonded (reading too many silly books) Now the boy won't leave my side. He's with Dad in church now. That's the only time during the daytime at the weekend he's not by my side.

Triggles · 22/03/2009 11:01

Starbear those books just make you paranoid, I swear! DS (2yo) is up in his cot right now, singing the alphabet song over the monitor. Anything to avoid a nap.

Starbear · 22/03/2009 11:10

Just phoned Mum. She's non-plus about us coming over! Now thinking about it, I think I get a little disappointed if I make a fuss about someone and they don't really care. My Mum is a conundrum she's upset if you don't. Annoyed if you make a fuss. I remember buying her a big bunch of red roses with my first wage packet. She dumped them on the table and didn't even say thank you! Maybe I didn't make my bed before going to bed and left my knickers on the floor! not sure

smudgethepuppydog · 22/03/2009 12:06

I'd rather be shown appreciation throughout the year. I'd rather the kids brought me coffee in bed just because they wanted to rather than because a date on the calendar meant they should. I loved all the home (or rather school) made cards and gifts I got when they were little but I hate the idea of making card companies richer just because the date says they should buy me a card.

cocolepew · 22/03/2009 12:23

I didn't get a lie in had to get up at 6.30 due to hayfever I wanted a new scarf and bought it yesterday and DH gave it to the girls to give to me . I got homemade cards and DH has done all the cleaning, including upstairs .

I'm happy . I got my mum flowers and MIL got nothing because I hate her and DH sn't that fond of her either.

When I was young my mum got a card and as I got older something small.

TotalChaos · 22/03/2009 12:28

completely agree LEM.

katiestar · 22/03/2009 12:34

Mothering Sunday is always a disappointment for me as far as DH is concerned.Moost years he forgets to get me a card and has never got me a present.He disappered at about 9.00 to his parents and haven't seen him since.

DS1 aged 14 said 'happy mothers day -It's not fair i don't get chance to make you a card at school. DS 2 forgot to bring home the card he had made at school. DD1 bless her heart showered me with cards poems and presents she had made herself.DD2 is just a baby.

I spend my whole life looking after my family ,being thoughtful and doing nice things I just think my DH could make some small effort on Mothers Day

clam · 22/03/2009 12:40

Well, there's probably going to be only one thing that makes women with partners remiss in the Mother's Day department feel worse, is to come on here and read how well other people's DHs have performed.
But that said, for those who've said they'd rather be appreciated and treated well the rest of the year, surely that goes without saying? It's not an either/or situation. Sometimes it's just a nice thing to have a specific wake-up call to take stock and make an extra effort to show mums we care. Whatever your religious persuasion, it is nonetheless a Christian day of celebration for mothers, unlike Father's Day and Grandparent's Day, but does that mean we can't celebrate them too? No one has to line the pockets of card companies if they don't want to. A home-made card or picture, some flowers picked from the garden, breakfast in bed, lunch cooked.... all those things are free.

Umlellala · 22/03/2009 12:57

Um... don't know. I was on a thread where I said I felt a bit miffed that my hubby didn't do anything for my first Mother's Day (or this one with two kiddies - not even a card though he is nice and does look after me. All the time ). Tbh am doing this Mummy thing 24-7 and is v hard at the mo, with a reckless adventuring 8mth old, and relentless, though lovely 3 yo... so yes, I do pathetically latch on to any kind of appreciation for what I do. Even if it is Hallmark-initiated.

Don't know if I qualify as a 'younger mother' but no, it's not about expensive pressies but about writing something meaningful in a card or saying 'you are a lovely mum'. And a £1 bit of tat does that too, y'know.

Anyway, they went to Morrisons and dd said 'why don't we get Mummy some flowers?' so they did . V sweet.

Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 22/03/2009 16:41

Triggles, your 10.13 post put a lump in my throat - that is just lovely - you must be very proud of your DD.

OP posts:
compo · 22/03/2009 16:48

I don't get this 'Mothering Sunday is always a disappointment for me as far as DH is concerned.Moost years he forgets to get me a card and has never got me a present.He disappered at about 9.00 to his parents and haven't seen him since.'

good for him for spending mothers day with his mum
it's up to your 14 yr old to get you a card not your dh imo

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 22/03/2009 16:50

I got a lie in today (but DH and I take it in turns on the weekend, so he slept in on Sat) then brekkie in bed, but we sometimes do that for each other anyway - cup of tea / plate of toast as we tell each other the line in is over!

I got a lovely pair of sock/slipper thingies (bad foot so needed) and a photoframe with a pic of dd inside, the frame made by DD and the CM out of loo rolls, cardboard, paint and stickers.

I also got three cards... even though I have one child! One made at toddlers, one DH picked up, and another one as he'd forgotten he'd got the first

We got up, went to see MIL, then went to see Step MIL, am now at my parents with my sisters, having had sunday dinner

Miggsie · 22/03/2009 17:15

..my DD, aged 5, completely of her own volition made me a "bird notebook".
I'm always saying "I must get a bird notebook" for when I'm bird watching and she made me one by drawing different birds, one eack on a bit of paper and drawing a box next to them which I have to tick when I see one.
She drew a bloo tit (sic), a herren (her version of heron!!!), and a robin and put them together in a book with tape.

I was so thrilled.

It's enough for me.

DH apologised his present to me was rubbish, but I loved it!!!!

I don't want a big fuss, some one putting some htought into it is the main thimg for e.

Acinonyx · 22/03/2009 17:29

I volunteered to get up early with dd as usual. Sunday is dh's only lie in of the week - I didn't see why he should miss it this week.

Dd had a card and little paper box organised my CM and dh got me a potted plant. Then we all spent the day gardening. Quite enough for me - I tend to agree that if you have high expectations I have to wonder how bad things afre the rest of the year.

Starbear - must be our age - I'm also 47 and was really looking forward to a day gardening!

MilaMae · 22/03/2009 17:42

It is nice when dp's rem Mother's Day but to be frank it all pale's into insignificance when you get a basket of grubby peppermint creams that have been hidden under ds's bed for a week,a latte in bed sprinkled with tea leaves brought up by 3 very excited kids, home made cards and bedraggled pot plants.

We spent the day on the beach and the kids have been fab nothing could be better.

This has been the best mothers day ever as it obviously meant a lot to my dc 5,5 and 4. Dp made sure we had croissants in but other than that he hasn't spent a bean(I'd have killed him if he did).

I honestly think the whole thing is pretty pointless until it involves your dc(obviously with a bit of prompting from school).

Ivykaty44 · 22/03/2009 17:50

I got up before 7am, the house was empty - I rode 45 miles through beautiful countryside with the birds singing and the lambs bleating and a few cows making strange noises, a quick pit stop for a coffee, then on my way again - stopped to chat to a friend out walking his dog and then home had a cheese sandwich with left over christmas pick and a few pickled onions.Sat reading a funny book. I have yet to see my dd as she will be arriving back from her weekend visit to her dads.

I have had a splendid day