Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP shuold realise that mother's day applies to me now?

55 replies

namechangerforareason · 21/03/2009 13:38

Aaarrggh!

Background: after TTC for 8 years had a beautiful boy in November, never ever thought it would happen so both over the moon.

Went to my Mums today to see her so I could spend my first mothers day with DP and DS, just asked DP what his plans were re his mum, he said he was going up there tomorrow with DS so she can spend mothers day with them both and it shouldnt be a problem as my mum has seen DS this weekend!

My DPs mum is a witch, a horrible horrible person who tries to put me down constantly, to the extent that DP has spoken to her about it and he even screens his calls so he doesnt need to speak to her. However he does give her her place and visits on occasion and always at special times of the year.

He hasnt mentioned that its my first mothers day and when I asked jokingly if I could spend time with our son on mothers day he replied that I have him all week he thought I might like a break! I just laughed and thought he was joking but he is serious. Im really hurt he hasnt remembered even though last year when I was pregnant he got a fathers day card and gift from the bump!

I have told him its my mothers day too but he just cant seem to realise what that means, I even asked DS when DP was here if he had got mummy a card for mothers day but still nothing!

AIBU to expect that he realises or even the witch in law asks what his plans are for me?

Regular but name changed for this.

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 21/03/2009 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/03/2009 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
namechangerforareason · 21/03/2009 13:44

The point is he is taking our DS to his mothers all day and I wont see him as I wont go because I cant stand her and she makes me so unwelcome even though I have been with her son for 12 years now, I have said I dont want DS out all day but DP says he needs to spend day with his mum and DS should go see his gran on mothers day too. I am not objecting to DP spending mothers day with his mum, I just would like us to have family time too as its MY first mothers day!

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangerforareason · 21/03/2009 13:45

No actually it was football boots and sports wear, hardly useful for me when 5 months pregnant!

OP posts:
shootfromthehip · 21/03/2009 13:46

I think he's being a pratt by taking the LO away for the whole day. He could pop up there in the morning for a couple of hours and then come back to take you out/ have a nice lunch in the house etc.

So, IMO, YANBU

SlartyBartFast · 21/03/2009 13:47

i think, particularly as its your first mother's day, it should be a day for you

it is always a day for me ...

ComeOVeneer · 21/03/2009 13:47

God make the most of having a day to yourself. Have a long soak in the bath, go shopping, cinema, out for lunch, read a book. Enjoy!

BitOfFun · 21/03/2009 13:49

YANBU to me, and I would tell him, he's not a mindreader! It is up to your dh to give you some nice time with your baby, you should be able to put your feet up etc. He definitely shouldnt take the baby to see MIL- it's not granny's day...unless he wants to give you a big wad to have some childfree shopping and make a fuss of you in the morning...

mamas12 · 21/03/2009 13:50

Well have you asked him what his plans are for your first mothers day are because you will be expecting something to happen. Suggest he give you a lie in while he takes ds to see his grandma and then come back to take you out to lunch or cook for you (even if it's beans on toast) That is a reasonable day. He has to realise his loyalties are divided on this day now on behalf of his ds.
This is not on. I really feel for you. Does he know how upset you are?

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/03/2009 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lizzylou · 21/03/2009 13:51

YANBU, I think in this instance it is your day (as well as his Mother's) and he should have asked what you wanted, mind you I would love a day of peace to myself

Original poster
namechangerforareason · 21/03/2009 13:51

ComeOVeneer

I dont want the day to myself, DS is no problem and though I have him all week I get to do pretty much what I want when I want, I just want my first mothers day to be special for me and not me shopping with friends while WIL sees DS.

Will talk to him again, see if he realises what a git he is being.

OP posts:
FfreckleFface · 21/03/2009 13:53

Starlight is right. You are not his mother. He clearly has 'remembered' that it is Mother's Day, because he is going to see HIS mother. And you seem to be letting your own issues with her get confused with your expectations for your day.

You seem to be getting a lovely present as far as I can see...a day to yourself, without the baby, to relax and treat yourself as you wish.

Congratulations on your son, and enjoy your first Mother's Day with a bit of a rest.

Original poster
namechangerforareason · 21/03/2009 13:53

I am not expecting a big fuss, just a realisation would be nice and SM as for the gift he was over the moon, he loved it was from his unborn child and looked at it as his first official fathers day IYSWIM

OP posts:
mamas12 · 21/03/2009 13:54

Tell him a.s.a.p. because the sooner this is sorted the better, it will only fester. he doesn't realise so tell hem. Although it is horrible to think for him, tell him you do not expect to think for him again.

minxofmancunia · 21/03/2009 13:55

YANBU IMO but others on here will disagree, there have been a few threads along these lines in the last few days.

My dh said "what do you think I should do for my Mum for Mothers Day?" reply, send her a card and some flowers/chocs via an online delivery service. As I havent naged him to remember he's forgotten so she'll be pissed off and despite having a similar relationship to her as you have to yours I would for once agree with her.

However it's not my fault he's crap and not my place to remind him either. He did say "oh I'll just pop over tomorrow to see her instead" and I had to remind him I was a mum too and we were supposed to be having a lovely day together the 3 of us.

MiL is hugely intrusive and demanding as it is, she had 35 years of Mothers day from him and also has another son with no dcs who lives near her who she can see.

My DH should have sorted out a card a gift tho!!

ComeOVeneer · 21/03/2009 13:56

My mothers day will consist of me getting upwith the children whilst dh has a lie-in (he worked 33 straight Thurs 8am - Fri 4pm and only had 4 hours sleep the night before). I have to finish making a cake, Then I am driving 1hr to my mum's with children to cook a meal for 11 people (mother's day and mum's birthday). Come home, cook bath bed children alone (dh will be at his parents for the night because he has a hospital appt up there 9am monday morning), then evening by myself.

He has lalready told me the children haven't got me anything because he has been so busy at work he hasn't had time to go out and get anything with them.

And do you know what I couldn't care less. I don't need a designated day to let me know how my children feel about e and to feel appreciated.

spongebrainbigpants · 21/03/2009 13:56

namechange, you are definitely not being unreasonable and I would have a fit if my dh had done this - I have an equally difficult relationship with my MIL and would certainly not expect her to get to spend my first Mother's Day with my son!

You need to spell it out to him - just hope it's not too late to change his plans. We were also ttc for a v long time and tomorrow is such an exciting day for me - I would be gutted if I didn't get to spend it with my gorgeous boys.

And ignore all those people who say "you are not dh's mother"! Who cares! Your ds is going to be too young to spoil you for quite some time and you deserve to be spoilt!

ComeOVeneer · 21/03/2009 13:56

33 straight hours

mamas12 · 21/03/2009 13:57

Agree with you on the acknowledgement bit, It would be great to be shown a little appreciation on your first mothers day. Why not. He can share his responsibilities.

pulapula · 21/03/2009 14:00

It sounds like your DH thought he was giving you a break by taking DS out for the day. You need to tell him what you would like to do tomorrow and see what he says...

mamas12 · 21/03/2009 14:03

In our family if it's your birthday you do what you want ditto mothers and fathers day. your mothers day your rules end of.(wink)

solowitch · 21/03/2009 14:08

I am totally with you OP. My first Mother's Day was in 1999 and as a single parent, I didn't even get a card. I was so gutted, you'd have thought that my arms had been chewed off. It hurts terribly when 'someone' doesn't think of you as a mother on MD.
Could you get your mum to ring him and 'check' that he's remembered that it is in fact your first MD and therefore very important?
I really hope you get what you'd like tomorrow.
Happy Mother's Day for tomorrow

Confuzzeled · 21/03/2009 14:09

I can see that as a mother you want to feel appreciated and since your ds is unable to do anything you expect your dh to stand in his place. I know how you feel as this is what I felt when I first had my dd, especially as my mummy friends got huge gifts, lie in's, and told what great mummy's they were by their adoring dh's. It's seems even more important in the first year because being a new mum is hard and you want some recognition.

My dh didn't even bother to let me have a lie in. When I asked him about it he said I wasn't his Mum which is fair enough.

Your dh is obviously a bit like mine, they don't understand being a mother is the most important thing in the world to us and we like to know they appreciate us.

This year, I have asked dh to take the day off so we can have a family day (which we hardly ever get). I don't expect any gifts or cards and frankly I don't want any as this year I'm allot stronger and I know I'm a good mother.

Please try and enjoy your day off, they can be so precious as well.

mamas12 · 21/03/2009 14:15

a good idea from solo ring your mum to ring him

Swipe left for the next trending thread