To be sick of reading on MN that you are a "good role model" to your dd if you go back to work??

[ssd]

have read this over various posts on MN over the years

usually posters give various reasons to return to work, all viable and good, but then the poster throws in the "good role model" shite

why always harp back to this?

if you love your kids, teach them to respect and care for others, learn manners and discipline THEN you are a good role model

most of us eventually will return to work at some stage and if we don't we will still be good role models unless we are lying about the house taking drugs and leaving the kids to go feral, which I;m sure not too many of us do!

I know I'll get slated on here as the going back to work to be a good role model line seems to be very poplular round here and I'm not trying to wind up posters who use it, it just seems to me people work out of necessity, not to be a role model

And BTW where's all the role models for ds's??? or is just loving them enough?

"I can;t say I think that you would be able to pick out the WOHM children or SAHM children out of a line up"

You probably couldn't pick out the ones who are being emotionally or physically abused or neglected either. That's why these things so often go unnoticed.....

Indeed, no arguments with that. I like to see women running successful businesses and having some economic clout. More power to their elbows ...

I think that there are any manner of studies showing something different in terms of result every single time.
It makes sense that happy, responsible continuity of care is important to a child at whatever stage.
I think it will be difficult to prove that that is better provided by whomever above whomever else no matter how much we want it to be different to suit our current argument or set of circumstances.

We are hopefully all just trying to do our very best in the circumstances that we have control over.
Smugly pushing your own experiences as a better indicator of the truth than anyone else's is neither helpful or particularly useful...except in a, you could be completely right or completely wrong, sense

It's all just greys and inbetweens surely...linked together with goodfaith hardwork and blind belief???

Agree that in our system it needs funding by someone. But I don't see my DH as funding me and me doing nothing, I see me being home as an equal contribution as without me SAH he could not work. We enable each other to do what we want. Too often financial contributions are the only things valued by society, it's just a chunk of the pie.

In what system, other than capitalism, are there lots of women who are able to make mothering, cooking and cleaning their main or only economic role?

It certainly is not possible for hunter-gatherers, subsistence agriculturalists, or in feudalist or simple state societies.

What is this alternative system to capitalism that people are referring to?

But why would SAHMs move heaven and earth to 'make it possible' to go back to work if it wasn't going to be practical or profitable?

Not everybody wants exactly the same out of life. Many SAHMs know they are good role models and strong characters.

I do worry about my pension, but I'd worry more about how it would all gel together if I tried to work; being mother, father, sole breadwinner,juggling childcare and housework and a job on a very mediocre salary.

Also, nothing to do with capitalism, but many people aren't hugely materialistic.

So the notion of going to such enormous lengths to make it possible to go to work (when it's not practical or profitable) seems ludicrous to me and to many others.

We all want different things. Why does it have to be a fight? I understand why mtohers work, but I feel that they just don't get me. It is exasperating to have your choices undermined.

I share your exasperation margot..I will just go and bang my head against a brick wall!!

It's not a fight but there are different views. I think children do better if mothers work and plenty of stay at home mothers think they benefit children more and by staying home you do have an impact politically and on some, my, views damage the prospects for other women. Every woman who goes part time or requests flexible working or gives up work is in effect kicking other women in the teeth and giving women a reputation as people not to hire because they'll just give up anyway . NOw that may not matter if she works on the till in Tesco but if she's a surgeon or accountant or whatever then it does.

Children tend to follow parents' example - thus daughter of working mother is likely to want to work. Daughter of housewife likely to be a housewife. Daughter of actress likely to go into that etc etc. So role models are really important. In today's Times are 100 Muslim women role models in the UK in work of course (not the Muslim role model who does as she's told, doesn't work and tolerates a second wife in the marriage etc) and one says she does think it's important that people can see women working like that, realise they could do it. If every woman gave up work on marriage as many countries really virtually do require of women if they let them work at all then there are no role models, zilch.

I agree MGB that many women do not have the choice to work after having children.

Evergreensleeves what a ridiculous acusation that working mothers only look after sick children as a 'last resort'.
As a manager in the country's largest employer I can testify for the culture of understanding and the existance of special leave for parental emergencies.

Men and women leave jobs all the time and move on. It makes not a jot of difference to the employer if the employee leaves for another job or to raise children. It's the women who stay at work and do a half hearted job because they'd rather not be there, or are just too stretched by trying to juggle home and work, that do the most damage to the reputation of working women. Those who stay and are dedicated are obviously fine.

To an extent I agree Xenia. However my grandmother worked part time as a cleaner to help support her family of seven children. She, although small in stature, is a powerhouse of a woman and as strong and incandescent a role model to any young woman as you could find.
She made me believe that anything was possible with enough determination, care and hard work. Through her I never felt that my place was beholden to or behind anyone else.

Role models can be anywhere, it's how they fill the space that they occupy that matters.

As a WOHM I do belive I am providing my dcs with a good role model.
DS, who has AS, only sees the work in black and white. I was shocked to hear him describe SAHMs as 'parasites' recently .
I was proud of him when after some discussion, he agreed that his description only applied to those with school age children.

Nice one, Unfit....being proud of your son for calling ANY element of society parasites.

He's one of the boys I'll be hoping my dd doesn't get involved with!!!!

'a do believe i am providing my dcs with good role model'

Really unfit? And you are proud of your son saying such a thing?

"I think it's a bit sad that sometimes you are not allowed to express opinions like this without being accused of being critical of mothers, smug or unrealistic", y'see the problem standanddeliver, is that even people like me (who realy don't give a shit what anyone else does or says or thinks and would defend the right of any parent to raise their child the way they see fit) get a little defensive when you say things like...

"You probably couldn't pick out the ones who are being emotionally or physically abused or neglected either. That's why these things so often go unnoticed..... "

I particualry liked the little passive a aggressive at the end.

Would it make you feel better for my poor damaged boy if I tell you that his social worker is extremely pleased with his progress and is prepared to put pen to paper in an offical report saying so. So no I don't worry too much about the effects my working has on him because a) there is no choice and b) he is fantastic and is doing well however much you'd apparently prefer he wasn't to fit in with your prejudice about the childrne of working parents.

I'm out of here, nothing of use to be debated(will I never learn!)

Oh...and this parasite worked for 21 years before taking out time to be with her school aged child. And I will undoubtedly go back to paid labour once I've retrained in a field that actually makes me feel like I'm doing something that matters.

Now this is the kind of sexual stereotyping that needs to be stamped out...it damages women...it affects the role of motherhood in the most negative of ways and it denegrates people who have done nothing to deserve it.

Appalling..

to long a thread to read...sorry...
but op I agree with you...it is a ridiculous argument....because I don't think that children, growing up in a family where one parent stays at home to look after them will become the kind of Kids that will become those reliant on the state...and same in single parent households where the parent gives the right encouragement and loving upbringing that makes kids into for-themselves- individuals...

ronaldhino (sp?) I totally agree...

whatever works for a family, really....there are so many factors that decide what is best for each family....

thinking-for-themselves...

See Kewcumber, I wasn't rising to that bait. I was busy feeling loftily sorry for women who couldn't earn enough to fund the childcare and had to do the Stepford thing ...

I need some lessons in not rising to the bait QC

This is clearly a joke to some people and they'll stop at nothing to make their points as languidly and as sarcastically as possible.

Superiority is not a virtue. It does not make great role models. I think some people on here are just proving what kind of role models they are.

And with that I'm leaving this thread to implode or vanish...whichever is quicker.

are you referring to me Sqilly? Your reference is a bit vague and I'd like to know who you think is being superior.

Nah, Kewcumber, t'was me.

See when I said I wasn't rising to the bait, I was being ironic. Because I clearly was rising to the bait. Kewcumber recognised that.

Tsk, these sahms. Their brains get addled you know ...

lol at parasite, wonder where he got that idea from? When I was a SAHM with school age kids, I was the only volunteer in my DD's class at school. I also was busy and availiable to my kids/school all the time. If that is being a parasite then so be it, who cares. My kids don't make blanket judgements thank goodness. If they did, I would not be proud d of it, especially if it were bollocks!