AIBU to be sad and shocked by this article?

[LittleDorrit]

Have just been reading this:

www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/mar/18/child-poverty-labour-eradicate-promise

and I am shocked by the conditions this family is living in, but in particular how little/what sort of food they are able to afford.

It's not so much an AIBU issue, but just wondered whether others in similarly difficult circumstances think this is typical, or whether the mother could try to buy other types of food (e.g. rice, lentils, etc.) or perhaps be able to afford to spend a bigger proportion of her budget on food... £20 is very little.

rebee - yes they're designed to be a stop gap, and yes some people make it a way of life. However, sometimes those that desperately want to use them as a stop gap suddenly find that they've forced to make it a way of life for much longer periods of time.

I genuinely hope that when your child reaches 2yrs old you find a job that covers the childcare and your bills - it sounds easy but it really isn't sadly.

The problem is, Quattro, for whatever reason, she didn't seem to think of it in those terms, in terms of choice.

I did, and made different choices.

BUT, I had the benefit of an education and a good family and home and support.

I had the benefit of living in a nice house in a good neighbourhood.

So when I was living in the dire sink estate I could see how to work a way out.

Not everyone there was so fortunate.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore genuine question why have you not used legal aid to force a DNA test and make arrangements for your childs maintence, why leave it to the CSA if he's worth chasing, chase him.

I had to do exactly the same with my daughters father, he was a professional footballer and named me in the press as a slut who wasn't sure if the child was his or not, he looked a prat when we got to court with the DNA results though.
And he has to pay for DD until she leaves full time education.

"FYI, grew up in a family of 5 on a hideous council estate, the only household income was benefits. I was the poorest kid in class, wore trampy clothes, ate crap food from Iceland.... but I fought and I got out and I made a life for myself. I looked at my life and made the choice to make it better and to be as far removed from the lazy, bitter people around me despite not having a degree as I was unable to afford to put myself through UNI (I left home at 16)..."

This sounds a lot like me, R - we had it easy compared to some, that's all I know. And just because I escaped the sink estate doesn't mean I have to detest the people who are still stuck there. People like me and you are 'statistical anomolies'. I can still be compassionate to those who have been dealt an obviously tougher hand in life, and there are a lot of them. The trick, as we both chanced upon maybe, was getting out early. Some people aren't so lucky.

Sorrento, who is he? LOL

I knew i'd regret that the min i hit return, he's not premiership otherwise I wouldn't be sat here now i'd be in my villa lol

But if i'd have waited for the CSA to sort him out we'd still be waiting now 8 years on.

lol Tiffany - I was thinking the same thing - I do vaguely remember a case such as Sorrento describes- but I can't for the life of me remember when/who

No neither did any of the all the other single mums on my northern sink hole. Not many single mums do keep having children they can't afford.

Most are in a situation they can see no way out of. No one told me that if I went and asked at my local college I could do A levels or a vocational qualification and it would be free with childcare funded for me.

No one told me there were grants available to help with the cost of interview clothes, travel etc.

No one told me that I could apply for a discretionary housing payment to pay the top up in rent that I had to pay because I was under 25.

This is what I am trying to say. There needs to be some one going out and telling all these young mums exactly what help is available and suppporting them if/when they decide to better themselves.

There needs to be more of these opportunities available. Give single mums free vocational courses in more than just hairdressing or beauty therapy. Let them train. Provide childcare and encouragment via mentors.

Let them help themselves. Tell them about help that is available. Trust me 99% of them would jump at the chance.

Don't judge them or condemn them. Who is that going to help?

That was the worst part for me. The judging. I could easily go without food to see that my dd had what she needed. It was the looks that I got when I pushed her 2nd hand, but v posh looking pram into the PO to pick up my money.

Liz hurley FAQ ?

Good forget it or I'll get shot she looks very like him so I have to be carefully, but I was splashed across the gutter press and accused of having a 3 some, I should be so lucky !

Agreed Monkeytrousers.

I've been through some hideously awful times myself and have only been able to rebuild my life with a lot of support and help. And yet I consider myself to be very fortunate.

Not all people are lucky enough to be in that position. It really beats me that some people just can't see that and how it could be them with just a few changes in circumstances.

sss;..you are of course completely right, apologies for coming across as a total arse.

Sorrento, I have. He has had a DNA test, they lost the results. They lost whole case infact

I had another DNA test. They have done nothing as far as I can see to get him to pay. I have even complained to my MP. I haven't seen a penny from them.

I was extremely lucky when I became a single parent. The ex was armed forces and we got so much help that it's almost embarassing! We even got a free holiday at pontins! And British legion help loads. But like sea shells says........you need people to tell you that the help is there.

anyhow - this debate is very interesting, but it's not getting my housework done (DS3 has ensured that it currently looks worse than the photo in the OP's link ) and it certainly won't get any studying done either

FAQinglovely; I never said it was easy, of course it isn't.. but you can't give up just because something is difficult.

Although I don't intend to work full time until my child is at least 2 it doesn't mean I am sat around doing nothing. I am researching, planning and keeping in touch with the world ready for the right time. It isn't easy and it won't be easy but cares, because if I do nothing then nothing will happen.

In the meantime I am very grateful to the government and taxpayers who allow me to make the choice to do this. I may be living on handouts from the state but I don't feel poor.

It's very easy to find an excuse not achieve something, but if you really want to then you can make it happen.

But who has done nothing ? The CSA ? Forget them, go to a solicitor and ask to go to the family court if the DNA results are on file at a lab they can just be reprinted, too be honest you want to avoid the CSA if you can, if I'd accepted the figures they came back with my DD would have been very short changed, my solicitor got us a great deal more.

"I did this that and the other. Aren't I great. Come and admire me, I'm so much better than someone about whom I know nothing"

Just listen to yourselves some of you. You are embarrassing.

Yes, like it really is that easy. Go do some volunteering for Banardo's Tiff.

who are you talking to?

I know more about ' louise' than any poster here.... And the guardians portrayal of a family on benefits is embarassing!!!!!

Nothing worse than a bad winner Bella.

Monkeytrousers? Barnados? What do you mean?

Apologies to those of you have been upset and offended by some of the posts on this thread. I knew this was likely to generate some discussion, but was hoping it would be bit "nicer"!

But I think this has raised a lot of interesting points, and maybe someone like Gordon Brown should be reading this !! I am not British, and while I think there are lots of good things about the UK, I feel incredibly uncomfortable with the stark contrast between those who have money and those who do not.