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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be sad and shocked by this article?

1003 replies

LittleDorrit · 18/03/2009 13:49

Have just been reading this:

www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/mar/18/child-poverty-labour-eradicate-promise

and I am shocked by the conditions this family is living in, but in particular how little/what sort of food they are able to afford.

It's not so much an AIBU issue, but just wondered whether others in similarly difficult circumstances think this is typical, or whether the mother could try to buy other types of food (e.g. rice, lentils, etc.) or perhaps be able to afford to spend a bigger proportion of her budget on food... £20 is very little.

OP posts:
JeanPoole · 18/03/2009 20:02

lol i hope not!
i'm only 31

sarah293 · 18/03/2009 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 18/03/2009 20:05

It was only a matter of time before the ol' 'pull yourself up by the bootstraps' bolleaux came out.

expatinscotland · 18/03/2009 20:06

And the 'I did it so you should, too.'

My mum trots out that load of tripe.

Yet another reason I haven't lived within a thousand miles of her in nearly 20 years.

Sorrento · 18/03/2009 20:07

And the 'I did it so you should, too.'

Well some of us did, so maybe your mum has a point ?

rebee · 18/03/2009 20:07

erm, thanks FAQinglovely, poverty is relative is it? thanks for the enlightenment I had no idea... oh, and poverty affects every country too does it?

I don't understand why people are feeling so sorry for this family and anyone else who is on benefits. Benefits aren't designed to be a way of life, they are stop gap to save the lives of people who have fallen on hard times and to lever them out of it. This means that this article should only be a snapshot of a small part of her life.

We are all affected by hard times in our lives and even when we are up we will be blind sided when we least expect it. Personally I sleep better at night knowing that we have an excellent benefits system in place to catch us if we fall. This family are fine, they have all their basic needs met. I would hope that they don't stay in the situation for ever and the mother gets herself together to get her and her family to a better place, but if she doesn't it's no-one's responsibilty or fault but her own.

There's no hiding from the recession which has affected everyone and has made employment more unattainable... so be grateful the benefits are there to help us through; children will continue to educated, the sick will treated, the government ensures that families have rooves over their heads and generously hands out free money every week. Who can complain that are given free money when others have to work so hard for it?

FYI, grew up in a family of 5 on a hideous council estate, the only household income was benefits. I was the poorest kid in class, wore trampy clothes, ate crap food from Iceland.... but I fought and I got out and I made a life for myself. I looked at my life and made the choice to make it better and to be as far removed from the lazy, bitter people around me despite not having a degree as I was unable to afford to put myself through UNI (I left home at 16).

I put myself out there and worked my ass off, built up my own company, travelled the world and ate in the best restaurants. Last year my long term partner (7years) had a baby, we split up and the recession has swallowed up my business leaving with tens of thousands of pounds of debts and no home.

I am SO GRATEFUL for every penny the state kindly hands out to me, I am SO GRATEFUL that my baby sleeps in a warm clean room and I have food in my fridge and running water.

I assume I am on roughly the same money as the woman in the article, I owe far more than her... yet I do not live like her at all. My house doesn't look like hers, I have a cupboard full of food ( I walk a 6 mile round trip once a week to a cheap grocers that sells dried lentils, beans and fresh fruits and veg for a fraction of the price of the supermarket).

For me this is simply a dip in my life, I won't stay like this. Granted it is harder because I have a baby and until he is two I will be a SAHM as I refuse to put a baby into childcare.

I just don't understand why everyone feels so sorry for people in this article, if she wants to she can get out of it... not without a fight, but she can and what has she got to lose.

Just because I am pragmatic it does not mean I am not compasstionate, I simply think my compassion would be wasted here and isn't needed.

FAQinglovely · 18/03/2009 20:08

yes it may have worked for you, and it's no doubt worked for others - but it can NEVER work for everyone, workplaces simply don't work that way.

JeanPoole · 18/03/2009 20:08

oh you'd rather say, oh poor her she has no chance in life.

what a load of fucking shite.

ivy, quite right.

Janos · 18/03/2009 20:08

Bloody hell, aren't there an awful lot of horrible people on MN nowadays!

I notice a few of the naysayers are SAHMs, who are presumably supported by their husbands and therefore don't earn their own money?

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 18/03/2009 20:09

with reference to my mum, she was fortunate as she met my lovely (step) dad, and her and a neighbour used to both work shifts and take turns picking us up from school etc. Mum would work evenings so dad looked after us when he got home from work. But yes, generally, only work is you have a supportive partner, or family/friends who help out on free childcare.

expatinscotland · 18/03/2009 20:09

She has, Sorrento, the point is that she's talking out a hole in her backside trotting out that kind of one-size-fits-all-you're-only-poor-because-you-deserve-it/chose-to-be tripe.

And I've told her as much.

To her face.

QuantitativeMeasure · 18/03/2009 20:10

If only it as as easy as sweeping the floor in Asda one day, Regional manager the next.

Some people cant even get jobs packing boxes for fucks sake.

two million people unemployed- or had the smug amongst you missed that?

Are they all lazy, work-shy spongers?

Nope, some of them were probably smug and in a job also a few months ago and now find themselves on their arses.

If only life was so simple.

JeanPoole · 18/03/2009 20:10

it can never work for everyone, because someones got to do the shit jobs.
not everyone can have a great job, some people need to clean the streets and serve at the tills.

good grief.

daftpunk · 18/03/2009 20:10

oh go back to reading the guardian janos

lisalisa · 18/03/2009 20:11

I have only read OP and the article in full.

that level of poverty is absolutely grinding and Louise sounds a very conscientious and caring young woman. I find it appalling that she should have to manage on so little for so long.

I find that article very humbling and will thank g-d tonight that I have money in my purse to feed my children tomorrow.

Janos · 18/03/2009 20:11

People do love to kick folk when they're down, don't they? It's almost a sport with some of them.

Monkeytrousers1 · 18/03/2009 20:13

She will be paying for that telly at an astronomical interest price Tiffany. Can't believe people are begruding her a telly.

The middle classes with cars/vans get the best stuff on Freecycle.

Full of the milk of human kindness..

Janos · 18/03/2009 20:14

I will thanks daftpunk.

It's an interesting and thought provoking read and I'm glad they have journalists writing articles like this.

Thank you littledorrit for posting it.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 18/03/2009 20:14

By daftpunk on Wed 18-Mar-09 18:21:35
DSM; make them pay for they're own children...that would solve the problem...i wouldn't throw money at some thick idiot on a northern sink estate to have 8 kids..

I am northern. I lived on a council estate. I was a single mother with few qualifications and no job.

Apparently I am thick eh?

Would it make me more or less thick if I told you that
a) Untill I got pg at 21 I had worked solidly since 15 years of age
b) when I got pg I had been studying for a pt degree with the OU and getting A's in all my assignments.
c) I had been with the baby's father since I was 17.
d) I was using birth control and had no intention of becoming pregnant.

So because her father, who fwiw londone, was a professional, left me and refused to acknowledge or pay for his child I am thick and undeserving of your help? Should I have been made to abort my child?

You say I should have paid for my own child? What should I have paid for her with? I lost my job when I became pregnant as pregnant dancers aren't really in demand. I couldn't get another job as no one was willing to take me on knowing I would be taking maternity leave.

FAQinglovely · 18/03/2009 20:15

yes but JeanPoole - she's a single mum with 2 young children, she could be willing to do the shittest job in the world, but if doing that shit job, and paying for childcare leaves her with less money than she already has.........

Janos · 18/03/2009 20:15

Agreeed lisalisa. I couldn't manage in that situation.

I'm a single parent myself - compared to her my life is an absolute walk in the park. makes me realise how lucky I am.

Sorrento · 18/03/2009 20:17

Oh expat I'm not trying to be a bitch really I'm not.

But read Rebee's post she puts it better than I ever could.

Quattrocento · 18/03/2009 20:17

I agree with Expat

Think all the absent fathers should be forced to contribute by law. If they are unemployed/unemployable then they should have their benefits reduced and paid to the people (usually mothers) who end up raising their children.

But standing back and looking at this in a detached sort of way - she made the choice not to continue with education which is freely available. She made the choice not to work hard at a job. She made the choice to have children in a situation where she was unable to support them. All of those choices were hers.

expatinscotland · 18/03/2009 20:18

You've got a long way to go, Sorrento.

daftpunk · 18/03/2009 20:18

sss;

i'm sure you don't have 8 children do you?

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