about DD attitude to everything

[lily2309]

Trying to think were to start ! I have a DD 22 who is trying to find work ( which is certainly not easy at the moment) I still give her a small allowance to help but do not agree to attitude as to what sort of job she should go for. In this current climate you cant be too fussy but she keeps on saying she doesnt want to do this or that because its boring !!!! she has a degree and has worked for a short while but was unfortunately laid off in Feb. she still lives at home and as she is not working I dont feel that I can ask her for a contribution.
The other problem is her boyfriend - her dad is more up tight about the relationship than I as I just want her to be happy but he is so completely different to her. Different background , age, religion, colour. I know that this shouldnt really count but she doesnt realise that when the rosy glow of love wears off and maybe the going gets tough will she be able to cope.

I know that she is not a child (although she sometimes behaves like one but I really dont know what to do or say anymore about any of the above issues

Help!

oh - and once she's in the thick of a new job (even if bar work) and meeting a load more people, then the 'safe' stay at home man will be less appealing....

From my own experience, temping can often lead to permanant jobs. It is also a great way to get a broad range of experience in different job environments. Not to mention it looks good to potential employers that you are temping whilst looking for a permanant role.

I did a degree, but unfortunately have never used it in any jobs I've had. Experience seems to win over qualifications, but having both is definitely a bonus imho.

Having said that, I couldn't have survived without the support of my mum, when my first relationship broke down and I was left a single parent, she let me and DD live at her house rent free until I got on my feet again. (Although I did contribute to household chores and food shopping as much as I could) This is when I went from temping to a permanant job and was able to get my own place and move out.

My DD's dad was older than me and good-for-nothing, divorced with 2 kids he didn't support, no proper job. He left me for a teenager half his age(who is expecting his 4th child). I know the OP said her DDs BF is hard working, but just using this as an example of being in an unsuitable relationship ... I couldn't see it at the time, although looking back I'm so glad myself and my DD are away from him. I don't think you can ever tell anyone they're in an unsuitable relationship, they must figure it out for themselves.

I'm now happily married, full time job (although not ideal, it brings the money in), own home etc etc! I think OPs DD just needs to see that earning money takes priority over finding the ideal job unfortunatley, a lesson that won't hit home unless her existing financial crutch is taken away.

(As an aside, I'm 29 and my DH is 31 and we still like to go clubbing, I'll be very sad if I ever 'grow out of it' as mentioned somewhere on this thread!)

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But you have to think if being signed on will just be another comfort as shell be able to stay at home/get a 1 bed place, rent paid etc...Too cushy.

And shell still need to stand in the cue to get to the bloody machines to search for a job as there are now £2,000,000 ppl out of a job and 275,000 jobs left.

On the boyfriend issue, I don't think it's necessarily accurate to say that if she puts up with this lazy partner then she must have low self esteem.

Every single woman I know dated losers when they were young, and 22 is still young in my book. If she fancies him then she won't care at that age if he supports himself or washes his own clothes. I certainly didn't care about that kind of stuff until I had been working for years.

It'll run it's course if left to it's own devices. Most young women make crap relationship choices, the only cure for it is maturity and experience.