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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that sending a boy to mine on a sunday between 11 and 3pm....

71 replies

JumpingDizzy · 16/03/2009 12:34

is unreasonable?

DS1 (yr 6) has a group of friends at school. He used to be friendly with this boy but is just on polite terms now. Anyway, boys parents are doing up a house for their older dd near to mine. Last week I was in the park with dss and we bumped into the boy on the way to ours. DS1 spent some time with him then he came home.

This week we were in the park again and he was there, it was actually before 11a.m. I ended up standing with ds2 as he watched a footy game and said to ds1 they could go to ours if they wanted. So he and the boy went and played on the computer, nintendo ds etc...

It got to 1.30 and I thought I'll have to feed the boys soon. They were out for tea with their dad so I didn't need to give them a big lunch. Anyway, I said to the boy what are you doing for lunch? He said he doesn't eat many meals will eat later I offered him some food but he said no. I fed the boys and a bit later said won't his parents wonder where he is? He said no they said come back at 3pm.

I'm just a bit shocked that they'd do this not just to him but to us? He's not even a close friend of ds1. I know he eats lots of crisps and sweets (he's related to my best friend)

I won't turn him away as he's a nice boy. Maybe I'm a food nazi or something but I like to think kids get fed regularly.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/03/2009 12:46

im a bit puzzled - were the parents with the boy at the park?

if yes, then why didnt you say to parents, pick him up at xxx time/after lunch etc?

assume you told them you were taking their son?

if parents werent with this 6yr boy, then where the hell were they? and they left a 6yr at the park alone?

titchy · 16/03/2009 12:46

Well he's not really been sent to yours is he? He was in the park when you happened to be there so you decided to invite him round. It's not as if his parents sent him round to you? So in that respect YABU.

However if he was just left in the park without a door key, or access to lunch at home then that's a bit mean and thoughthless of his parents.

tiggerlovestobounce · 16/03/2009 12:48

From your OP it sounds like you chose to invite him round?

Lulumama · 16/03/2009 12:51

more puzzled a 10 year old would be left to wander round the park for several hours alone, whilst his parents do other things, that would bother me more than the fact he was not being fed properly

it was kind of you to invite him

please though can we avoid using the word nazi though, in relation to anything other than the 3rd reich etc?

seeker · 16/03/2009 12:54

They didn't send him round to you - they sent him to the park. You invited him round to your house!

KatyH · 16/03/2009 12:55

YANBU. I have a neighbour like this. Her dd frequently plays with mine and never comes to get her to give her lunch/dinner. On some occasions she's had breakfast, lunch and dinner at ours!! She's a lovely girl and I really don't mind having her or feeding her. However, it is incredibly cheeky I think. Her dd also told me that they don't eat lunch but when she's at mine she almost empties the cupboards! And even if they don't do lunch, they should be aware that most people do, therefore don't dump your kids on others at mealtimes without checking it's okay first.

We can be food nazis together .

macdoodle · 16/03/2009 12:57

YEAR 6 = 10-11 yr old not a 6 yr old there is a big difference!

ingles2 · 16/03/2009 12:57

But they didn't do this to you did they? you invited the boy round because you saw him in the park. Not sure what the problem is?

nametaken · 16/03/2009 12:58

YABU - you invited him in at 11 o clock. Did you not realise you'd have to chuck a sandwich at the kids about 1 o clock?

His parents may have said be back by 3, not come back at 3.

KatyH · 16/03/2009 12:59

Ah, so you invited him round! Sorry, that puts a different slant on it. Poor kid, is he only 6 and been left in the park? Did his parents know where he was?!

Original poster

JumpingDizzy · 16/03/2009 13:00

No they knew he was coming to mine as he told them. They were over the other side of the park in a house doing it up. It's 10 minutes away (ish)

I wouldn't have minded so much if he had a phone or knew his parents mobile number so I could've rang them.

I didn't invite him for the day I said to ds1 at 11am they could go to our house as they were just standing in the park looking at this boys nintendo ds. The boy told me he was heading for mine and had told his parents. I didn't expect him to be staying until 3pm.

In fact I'd arranged to take the boys to a fun day at our local arts festival but luckily they forgot about it. I would've walked him back to the house if they hadn't forgotten but felt bad for him and no doubt would've taken him too.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/03/2009 13:01

sorry i just reliesed year 6 isnt 6 - blonde here

i still wouldnt let a 10/11 wonder alone for 4hrs, and not know where he was?

and yes you did invite him back to yours, its not if the parents made him stay till 3pm

KatyH · 16/03/2009 13:01

Right, so he is 10. You invited him round before lunch and he planned to eat later. He didn't eat any of your food. Doesn't sound much of a problem to me.

nametaken · 16/03/2009 13:03

It is tricky but I've found that if you have specific plans to do other things you have to be quite clear about it.

IE, "we've got to go out at about 2 o clock, but would you like to come and play until then".

This is why I always offer to drop the kids home, rather than wait for the parents to come

ingles2 · 16/03/2009 13:04

but if you didn't want him to stay for that long you could have said you were going out/it's lunchtime.
YABU

VinegarTitsCoveredinChocolate · 16/03/2009 13:07

Maybe they had a big breakfast and were doing lunch at 3, thats what we do sometimes on Sunday's

And maybe when the boy told them he was going to your, they said ok be back for 3

If you have made plans for your afternoon, then you shouldnt have invited him or specified that he could stay until

Original poster

JumpingDizzy · 16/03/2009 13:07

Ok so I must be pretty militant about food then. I do make sure mine eat regularly maybe some don't? Plus I'm lucky they eat healthily. He looked aghast at the boys pitta bread chicken and salad.

I'll just have to make sure he brings his parent's mobile number if he comes again.

OP posts:

VinegarTitsCoveredinChocolate · 16/03/2009 13:08

sorry, i mean you should have specified a* time he could stay until

seeker · 16/03/2009 13:09

I'm still a bit puzzled about what the problem is. He was in the park. You invited him back. He came. You offered him lunch. He said no. Presumably he went home later. Am I being particularly thick?

morningsun · 16/03/2009 13:09

yabu as you invited him round and he came,if you wanted him to go earlier you should have asked him to phone home or asked if he stayed at home without his parents.You could also have asked where his parents were,and if they had mobiles.
Some children are allowed to go home alone and wait for parents.
You didn't communicate properly with the child to let him know if you were busy,you could also have spoken to his parents at their home or on mobile if you were unsure what he was allowed to do or to ask them to pick him up.

unavailable · 16/03/2009 13:09

What would you have said to the parents on the phone?
"Come and get him he is overstaying his welcome" or
"I am concerned that you dont feed him proper meals".

Why didnt you ask the parents if he could come to yours rather than the boy himself? Its a bit much to expect a 10 year old to somehow understand adult social niceites about overstaying your welcome. YABU.

compo · 16/03/2009 13:10

the problem is he was told not to come home until 3pm and that he doesn't get regular meals I thin

but he might not have told the OP the full story

VinegarTitsCoveredinChocolate · 16/03/2009 13:10

How do you know he doesnt have a special diet?

Original poster

JumpingDizzy · 16/03/2009 13:11

no seeker you're not thick I just know the boy's parents and how he doesn't get regular meals and eats crap. But apparently a lot of kids live like this? Mine don't so it annoys me that's the main thing. It's not really the time it's the food.

Anyway it's resolved I'll just get their number in the future and not feel guilty if he doesn't eat.

OP posts:

nametaken · 16/03/2009 13:12

I'm confused too - has this kind of situation not arisen with you before. I would of thought with a son in year 6 with friends that this sort of thing was always happening, you know, in and out of each others houses.

Has this not happened before?

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