to turn down lunch invite because friend has a coldsore & I have a young baby?

[lowrib]

Friends have invited me for Sunday lunch at their house, but one of them has a coldsore.

I didn't realise that the herpes virus can actually kill a baby until the sad news recently about the baby who died because their mum kissed them with a coldsore.

I've said I'm not going with my 12 week old. They think I'm being hilariously PFB and over protective. They pointed out that the herpes virus isn't airborn, and they have promised not to kiss the baby.

I think it's best to err on the side of caution, when if you get it wrong the consequences could be so dire.

AIBU?

TIA

YABU.

Are you never going to venture out in case you meet anybody with a cold sore?

What would happen if you got a coldsore?

YAB a bit U I think. If they have said the won't kiss your baby then they will be fine. My DH gets a lot of coldsores and we just use seperate towels and he doesn't kiss any of us.

IMO there would be no harm done to your baby if you went, but you have to do what you feel comfortable with. If it makes you feel better to stay home, then that's fine, it doesn't matter what other people say. Having a new baby is a tough, worrying time without giving yourself extra things to stress over.

Just don't the friend kiss the baby. If necessary explain about systemic herpes, that can be very dangerous to newborns.

i had a coldsore when i was in hospital giving birth to dd, she didn't die, and she didn't get one herself and i did kiss her.

you are being a teensy bit overcautious.

Sorry I support the OP here.

I gave my 15m DD a coldsore - and not through kissing and the effects were horrific. Teh virus can be shed into airborne particles.

In a baby under 3m I would not knowingly expose them to anyone (outside imediate family) with an active coldsore. In a achild over 3m I woudln't isolate them - but I wouldn't allow kissing.

There are others on MN who suggest an even more strict regime. But that is the cause of action that I personally would take.

If they aer not kissing the baby, then the baby will not get it.
You are being over-protective I am afraid.

Not sure abou thtat story. I thought the child dies becasue the Mother had her initial herpes infection while in the final trimester?

Wow, you guys are quick!

"Are you never going to venture out in case you meet anybody with a cold sore?"

Not at all! I am of the school of thought that you need to experience knocks and bumps to get used to the idea of risk (and enjoy life!) I certainly don't want to wrap my LO up on cotton wool.

But I just felt that since the risk was death it seemed serious! But maybe I am being PFB after all?

I wouldn't sty home and hide from the world - I could meet some other friends in the park instead.

I think maybe what's freaked me out is that a fried asked if she could visit my LO when he was a week old, but she had a coldsore. I said yes, just don't touch him. She didn't pick him up but she did touch him. Then we heard that news and I felt a bit freaked that my newborn had been at risk without me realising IYKWIM.

YABU

She doesn't have to rub it all over him!

yes that particular story was about the mother having a primaey infection in the last trimester.

Nevertheless catching herpes will almost certainly hospitalise your DD, and does carry a risk of fatality.

yabu

ridiculous imo

I blame the daily mail

"I would not knowingly expose them to anyone"

I think for me this is the key. Life is full of all sort of risks, and you simply can't worry about all of them because that way madness lies ... but here is one I have the luxury of having been pre-warned about, so best to avoid it, no?

Just googled it.

It was the mother's first ever herpes infection. Had it been a subsequent infection, ie a normal cold sore, the baby wold have been fine.

May the Gods of the Guardian forgive me. Daily Mail link

ggirl are you calling me a Daily Mail reader?!!!!

YANBU

x-posts ggirl!
I blam the DM too. Theirs was the first two links.

yes I think YABU

Sorry.

My 15 month old DD almost ended up in hospital. MY opinions have nothing to do with the daily mail.

I had no idea how serious is was until my DD was affected.

I spent 15mins eery day for a week in teh Drs surgery - battling hard (fortunately successfully) to keep her out of hospital. It was seriously one of the worst weeks of my life as a parent...and I have had 2 children who spent a month in ICU so that is saying something.

Yes you have to draw boundaries.

For me those boundaries are as follows:

Under 3m
No exposure to anyone with an active coldsore outsiide the immediate family.
No kissing by anyone in the immediate family

Over 3m
No kissing by anyone with an active coldsore.

I am sorry - kissing is the most likely route of transfer but it is not the only route of transfer. And with a 12wk baby in the house I think most people would wnat to do lots of cooing and cuddling and therfore close contact of that baby.

BUT Nicky....IF (and I know that it is IF) the baby was to catch it - it would be the babies primary infection - and as I say - from first hand experience the effects almost certainly will be hospitalisation...and could end up with the same outcome as in that third trimester example.

Prevention is better than cure.

nickytwotimes that's very reassuring information and thanks for the link. I have had coldsores before so he should have some protection, and he's more than 6 weeks, so it would seem it's not such an extreme danger (although I now realise I am taking my information from the Daily Mail at this very moment! )

Thanks everyone, I think I now realise I ABU. However I think I am actually happy in my unreasonablenes, as SlightlyMadScotland says if he did catch it it would be awful.

As geepers says "it doesn't matter what other people say. Having a new baby is a tough, worrying time without giving yourself extra things to stress over."

I am going to forgo lunch, hold my unreasonable PFB head up high and go to the park instead!

SlightlyMadScotland cross-posts, I didn't see your more detailed account. That sounds absolutely awful, I'm sorry you and your daughter had to experience that.

What a terrible experience SMS.

Personally, I would still go as the risks are imho small, but that's easy for me to say never having gone through that. Most of my family have cold sores and have been around ds with them since he was born nearly 3 yrs ago. Had he been as unfortunate as your lo then I would be telling the op to give it a miss too!

I don't know what the statistics are on this. I guess I might suggest that lowrib be guided by them? Have you got a friendly hv or gp or nurse, lr? My gp has been really helpful at looking into the dangers of chicken pox to my (future) number 2 baby as I cannot make antibodies to it either by infection or by immunisation. Cp is to me what herpes is to you!

I've just told them I'm definitely not coming and they think it's absolutely hilarious. I suspect I may get a reputation for being over-protective (I'm not though honest!). Lucky I have a thick skin!

oops, sorry, lr didn't read your last post.

Sounds reasonable enough to give it a miss if it will cause you worry. I'd do the same if it was the dreaded pox.