To be angry at the "I 'm scared my dad will did" smoking advert was shown at the cinema yesterday during a PG film?

[Notalone]

I fully understand the purpose of the advert, I really do, but I also feel it is installing fear that wasn't there before into children.

I took DS to the cinema yesterday to see a PG and there were lots of children there. This advert came on and it really scared DS as DP smokes. I gave up smoking a while ago and I am aware that smoking is stupid, dangerous etc but I cannot force DP to give up until he is ready. However DS is now convinced his dad is going to die soon. I feel these adverts may well have kids all over the country terrified and tbh this makes me angry as it is not fair on them. What do you think?

Thanks!

This is something that I feel really strongly about. Possibly because my mother is, always has been, and always will be a smoker. I remember as a child asking her to stop, without the pressure of the contemporary adverts. But she couldn't. She has tried. But cannot. She is in her late 60s now, started at 18.

I agree completely that children should be given the message that they should never start smoking, that it is expensive, grotty, addictive, harmful. But to contextualise it by saying that their parents will die as a result of smoking is not only cruel, but also not true. Many many people do die as a result of smoking. Some do not. If my dd was to see this advert and ask about my mother/my grandmother/my grandfather I would then be in the position of saying "but not all people do die as a result of smoking" (because that is true, and is also kinder to her aged 5, because I cannot and will not make her feel rotten about my mother's habit) which IMO dilutes the message of "don't ever start".

I have no problem with these adverts being shown to adult audiences. BUt massive problems with them (and only these, that put in a child's voice "I don't want my mummy/daddy to die") being shown to an audience that is likely to include children as young as dd.

Pooka puts it so much better than me

I think yanbu.

The ad is good in that it makes people think about their children and what will happen should they come to harm from smoking. It may well guilt trip them into stopping.

It may also make them think that their children are switched on enough to notice and be worried.

All good. But it's not good to show the ad to children who may not have considered the personal dangers of their own parents smoking and worry them. Or to feel that the onus is on them to take the responsibility for stopping their parents smoking.

That is wrong and taps into pester power in the worst way. I'm not a smoker and never have been but some of my loved ones have been and they all say that nagging people to stop does not work. It's something that has to come from within.

Putting children in the position of nominated nagger can only cause undue worry and upset to both smoker and child imo and may even be conter productive.

So, are we saying that children are being 'terrified' by these adverts because they make explicit the link between smoking and illness/premature death? Because terrified is the word that at least one poster has used.

If so, then I understand even less the desire to protect children from the advert while not pretecting them by taking action to give up smoking. And yes, of course I know it's not easy to give up. But if you're really so concerned about doing the best for your child, then surely you'll do everything within your power, not wait until you are 'good and ready' as one poster put it.

And to answer pooka's post, maybe these particular adverts are effective in preventing some children from starting to smoke, as well as hopefully encouraging parents to give up. It's all very well telling children that it's a dirty, smelly, grotty habit, but if it needs something more hard hitting, then needs must. The dangers of smoking have been known for absolutely years now! I am well into my forties and have grown up knowing that smoking is harmful, so any MNers of my generation will know the same. And the sad fact is that there are still parents of my age who smoke... so presumably less powerful adverts haven't been as successful as these ones may be.

It isn't the ad that is frightening children - it is their parents. If their parents didn't smoke they would have no cause to worry. I don't think you can blame the ad at all.

If my DC went to see them it wouldn't bother them because DH and I don't smoke.

The only effect it would have is to reinforce the message that smoking is very very bad for you. Hopefully the message will linger until they are old enough to be tempted and they will remember it.

My father is and was a smoker and wouldn't give up for anybody, even his children. Maybe an ad like this would have helped, who knows, but if it convinces some parents to give up then I am all for it.

Well put niecie. As you say, it's avoiding the real issue to try to blame it on the advert.

DH and I don't smoke, and there is no chance of them being upset by the advert on that score, but hopefully if they are tempted, this type of advert will help them to make a better decision. If it's successful in preventing children taking up smoking, then quite frankly I think that has to take priority over any possible upset that might be caused to children of smokers. As niecie says, the choice is always there for parents not to smoke (even if they find it hard to stop).

My Uncle smoked and my cousins used to do the "Daddy, you will die" routine, from early primary age as soon as they learned about it at school (years ago).

He did stop for a bit, and then when started again he was greatly reduced, only ever outside and never in front of the kids.

Not perfect, but the pester power definately improved things.

I think that it ought to be targeted at the parents and it should worry them (not their DCs). It should worry them enough to give up.

Niecie - well said.

Notalone, YABU. It makes me angry to see parents smoking around their children..because THAT isn't fair on them...not an advert that is trying to stop smoking in parents (or anyone else).

Sorry - I wasn't flouncing. I took DS for a (very long because we got lost!) walk.

I think most of you have valid points but Pooka is the one I most agree with. Yes, of course I am not happy at DP for smoking but as an ex smoker I also know how hard it is to give up. Believe me we have had upmteen rows about him smoking but he will only give up when he wants to and sadly I don't think that is now.

I also agree that kids need to be shocked into not starting smoking but as some of you have said, it puts fear into kids that wasn't necessarily there before (well certainly in DS's case) and puts them into the role of nagger and makes some of them feel they have a responsibility to prevent mummy / daddy / both to stop smoking. I do beleive smoking adverts need to be aimed at kids but not in this way, not by putting the fear of god into them that their parents may die soon. These adverts should still be shown, but to an adult audience and perhaps kids should have their own that are still shocking but not in this way

"Aiming this kind of ad at little children gives them a lot of fear and responsibility in a situation where they have no control Very cruel. "

strongly agree with this comment and with pooka.

Sadly, no amount of pestering convinced my parents not to smoke. I was terrified of them dying long before these adverts existed and they both did, on my sister's 13th and 17th birthdays. She now smokes heavily herself, despite being an even greater pesterer than me back then and having a three year old herself.

I'm not sure what my point is other than to say that children have these fears anyway, the adverts may give voice to them and bring them to the attention of parents, but they are fairly unlikely to put new ideas in the heads of school age children. They may also be unlikely to stop a huge number of people smoking, but if they stop even a few people from dying needlessly, allowing their children the many milestones I missed with my parents I have to believe they are worth it.

My 6y has not seent his advert but is totally aware that smoking is very bad for you and can cause people to die early.

I personally thing that is a very good thing for her to know.

I would expect all 7y to be aware of that fact. I think it is covered in school curriculums pretty early on anyway - which again I think is very good.

YABU.

If your DS is worried about his father's health - his father should be reassuring him. If that means stopping smoking then so be it.

Far kinder to me would be for the government to save their money on anti-smoking campaigns and just to ban smoking full stop.

It seems hypocritical to me for there to be government-funded anti-smoking campaigns which are presumably funded at least in part from the revenue the government makes from smokers. Craziness.

But that's a whole different issue

The film was a PG, for parental guidance, so it's safe to assume that the adverts might be tailored to that sort of rating as well.

In that case one might assume that there is something in the film, and by virtue of that, the advertising that the censors think might be unsuitable for very young children.

From that point of view YABU.

if it's the ad I think it is, it's generally shown after the early watershed on TV so I don't think it's aimed at young children at all, rather it is to make adult smokers look at things from the perspective of their children.

Why do people keep talking about 7 year olds?

The OPs DS was 7 but the other children in the cinema with the OP were age 3+.

The level of knowledge and understanding at age 4 and 7 is pretty different surely. Most people have agreed that it would be pretty mean of me to say to my friends 4yo DD "your mum is going to die" yet it's OK when it's the big screen saying it?

I don't think it matters. If a 3/4y is able to comprehend the advert then he.she is able to comprehend a parent explaining it further in more child friendly terms IMO. I would not have been upset had DD seen such a message at that age.

Agree with Jazzhands.

And I do think that it is the ad that is the problem. Of course the dp should give up smoking. But all the posters who have said that neither they nor their partner smokes, so their children would be unconcerned by the advert are disregarding the hurt that may be caused to the children of smokers who, fundamentally, have no control over what their parents choose to do.

So the answer is yes, I should go up to my friends 4yo DD and tell her her mummy is going to die.

Can I also approach the 5yo DS of another friend who is very overweight and tell him that his mummy is going to die as well?

Should we also be telling the children that they themselves are likely to die as children of people with unhealthy lifestyles often follow the same pattern?

Smokers know it will kill them. Children who are old enough to understand know that it will kill their parents. None of this makes smokers quit. They quit when they are ready. I know all of the non-smokers are saying "it will help them stop", no it won't, it will be something inside them that makes them stop. We don't tell the children of heroin addicts "tell mummy to stop" and expect it to work, and nicotine is arguably more addictive than heroin, both physically and psychologically.

Pooka - you really are a voice of reason here. I would like to ask - all of those in favour of the advert, have you ever smoked / do smoke, or have a partner who smokes / has smoked? It seems to me that many of you who are in favour of the advert have kids who will never be in this situation because their parents don't smoke. Of course this is a good thing that your kids have that peace of mind and that you are have never gone down that road yourselves, but think about it from the eyes of someone like myself who doesn't smoke but has a partner who does. I have argued until I am blue in the face and yes DP is selfish for continuing to smoke, but Ds does not need to have this advert thrust in his face. Ironically DP wasn't even with us to see the advert.

for all those of you who have seen parents die from smoking, I am so sorry. And Bestlaidplans - your poor sister. .

Jazzhands - you are also a voice of reason imo

It's abusive to frighten kids that way. If the means justifies the end then maybe we could start punishing the children of smokers in schools to achieve the same thing. Would that be ok? Give children of smokers detention or make them stand up in class while the teacher tells them how painful their parents death will be. Anyone approve of that - in a 'good cause'?

I'd like to know what sick fucker thought up this idea in the first place.

The child saying they are afraid is not to target children. It is to target parents, and a PG film is probably ideal because that's the sort of film that parents go to. Small children rarely smoke, it's fairly unusual before the age of 12 or so. At that age being told you are going to die is fairly irrelevant anyway because most children think they are invincible, and in any case when you are young you really don't care what might happen to you when you are 30.

If you choose to smoke you choose to make your children afraid. Because there is no way they are going to miss that message. It's on every cigarette package as well as posters, TV and discussed at school.

My dh smokes and I hate it, the children hate it, and he, well he just goes on smoking. I know it is addictive, but I also know if you want to give up it is not that hard once you get through the initial withdrawal. Lots of people do it, and there is lots of help available. And in any case I don't really care that it is hard to be honest, it's such a complete no brainer. I think a lot of smokers are willfully blind to the dangers, and find all the adverts etc upset me way more than they appear to impact on him. But even if they only get a few people to stop then that's worth it for me.

I think it is abusive to children to give them the worry of the parent smoking. It is a good reason to give up.

I dont think ur unreasonable no - aiming at kids is horrible