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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is PC gone mad?

268 replies

Frasersmum123 · 12/03/2009 19:01

DS is 8 on Saturday and I have bough him some sweets to give out to his friends tomorrow. He has done this every year so far without a problem.

Today his teacher came to see me in the playground and told me that he wasnt allowed to give out the sweets, as the school cant condone giving them out and that it goes against their healthy eating policy

Surely a fun-size bag of Haribo isnt going to hurt anyone? Its not like its done every day!

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 14/03/2009 14:37

DS1's school have asked us not bring in sweets on birthdays, but to bring a cake to share with the rest of the class at them end of term.

The book idea sounds lovely.

tootyflooty · 14/03/2009 14:54

I can't stand all this sweet police stuff, my kids have sweets on a friday and saturday, crisps occasionally, but if they are handed out as they leave the classroom so what !! its not going to kill them for gods sake, my 18 year old has terrible eating habits at the moment and he was brought up exactly the same way, he is fit healthy and has no fillings.the school did mention in a news letter a few years ago that maybe handing out stickers or pencils may be A better idea,but it was never enforced, some parents adopted this others not. My kids hand out fun size chocolate . My neice always come out with her sweets and asks her mum if she can have them now or after tea. If you make a big deal out of this sort of thing you store up problems later on.It seems these days there is no allowing for common sense, hense all the stupid rules.

LynetteScavo · 14/03/2009 14:58

Now funsized chocolate I approve of, but then chocolate is a staple food, ofcourse.

tootyflooty · 14/03/2009 15:05

chocolate is one of lifes essentials!! except now it's lent, i can't have any, or sweets or crisps. How many days left until easter !!!!!

oopsagain · 14/03/2009 16:00

bumer, i've said all along, I have nooo issue with what you are your family eats.. none at all.

Fill your boots!
Eat as much of the haribo as you like- pregnancy is also a time when principles are hard to hold onto...

And, of course a few sweets won;t kill them, my kids do actaully eat sweets and ackes and stuff. I'm not bannnn ghtem from their lives..nor mine

But i'd like to have a choice on what they have when they are young- and i consider 5 and 3 to be fairly young still- thay can make their own decisions later.

I am too long in the tooth to think i'll change anyone else's opinion, but it would be nice if people sat down and thought a bit before saying FFS jsut give the kids the sweets.

Would it change anything if i had a religious belief that meant i didn;t want my kids to eat meat in sweets.
Would you all say I was precious, uptight etc then?
or would you ahvea different point of view.
Soome of the parents are muslim,a dn some jewish in school. They have similar problems with the handing out of random swetts... but that isn't something i can comment on- i don't hold their beliefs. but i certainly wouldn't telle them they are talking rubbish if they don't want their kids to eat the gelatine sweets.

oopsagain · 14/03/2009 16:16

sorry- bumper!

ingles2 · 14/03/2009 17:23

you are being precious oops.
My ds can't have certain sweets because he has a peanut allergy.
I don't expect other people to alter their lives/celebrations to accommodate us.
He knows he can't have them, end of story.
And I have no idea what you're on about, "I want to have some choice over what my dc's eat" of course you bloody do, just take the sweets away, explain to your dc's why they can't have them.
So, there should be a blanket ban at your school because you can't say no or deal with the fall out from your dc's?

fivecandles · 14/03/2009 18:51

Where I live it would not be 'precious'. It would IMHO be extremely culturally insensitive to give out sweets containing gelatine to a whole class of children when half of them have beliefs which would not allow them to eat them. Muslims, Jews and vegetarians cannot eat gelatine. I object to my kids being given gelatine but I also object to other people giving my kids sweets. Yes, I can take them away from them if they bring them home in their book bag but that's a horrible position to be put in because of someone else's thoughtlessness.

Maybe some of you don't live in multicultural areas but if you do then you need to be aware of the gelatine issue.

But this aside, I think it should be up to their parents to decide when and how to treat their own children and not other people.

fivecandles · 14/03/2009 18:53

And actually ingles most schools and children's play centres have a peanut ban. My dcs' school certainly does and dd2 has a peanut allergy. And I'd be furious if another parent handed out peanuts to my kids without consulting me as I'm sure you would.

Grendle · 14/03/2009 19:08

YABU

What a fab school and what a great policy .

Yurtgirl · 14/03/2009 19:13

As a veggie family I would be very pleased if my children were not given Haribo as often as they are - Apparently what I write on the personal info forms for my children never actually gets read by the school

YABU - Send some relatively healthy homemade something into school instead

oopsagain · 14/03/2009 19:41

ingles2, the much more poltie way of discussing this would be to say "in my opinion, you are being precious"

It sounds quite rude the way you said it..

We do live in a very culturaly diverse area, as I said.
And so I think there is a lack of sensitivity in handing out sweets to all the kids.

Yes, I certainyl can take them off the kids, and I do. But as I said earlier, it just puts a downer on the day and makes it hard at a time of day when they are tired anwya. So i'd rather the school had a policy of asking parents NOT to hand out sweets.

Would anyone feel that strongly that they MUST give out sweets?
REally?

ingles2 · 14/03/2009 19:41

no, actually you're wrong. I wouldn't be furious.
Ds1 is perfectly aware of the situation, he never accepts anything without checking. And on the occasions the sweets/gift is not suitable he refuses with good grace because he's perfectly aware that they are given in kindness. He's also knows that not every parent in his class is fully up to speed with his allergy and that it would be a shame for every other child to be affected by his condition. This has been the situation since he was 5 and really wasn't difficult to instill.
If you live in an area where the vast majority can't eat gelatine then it would be waste of time and money to give out sweets, but if you are one of the few because of your views then you should get your dc's up to speed with that.

ingles2 · 14/03/2009 19:50

ok then Oops. IMO you are being bloody precious.
As I have suggested at least twice on this thread, talk to the teacher.
Unfortunately you haven't acknowledged that comment.
IMO you have a completely biased and blinkered view on this tied in with your own opinions and views.
you refuse to acknowledge anyones else opinion firmly believing you are in the right with your melted pig comments.
Now, as you attempted to do last night, I've had enough of arguing with those who don't even hear the other side let alone listen.

oopsagain · 14/03/2009 19:53

I have listened and discussed at length. I have thought about this ofr the last 3yrs.

i ahve spoken with the teachers, and have supplied sweets to the school.

And I dont't feel blinkered... IMO i felel that the parents who feel one type of treat fits all are being quite blinkered. ie my kids eat sweets with gleatine in, thereofre all kids will...

But hey ho, as i said to another poster, we'll agree to differ on that point.

oopsagain · 14/03/2009 20:09

and melted pig was supposed to inject some humour into the debate.

but obviously didn't

Kimi · 14/03/2009 20:26

It got to the point where DS2 was coming out every day with sweets, I am surprised DS2s class have any teeth left

LynetteScavo · 14/03/2009 20:33

IME - when sweets are involed it always ends in a sqabble.

ravenAK · 14/03/2009 22:21

Which is odd.

I mean, if you want to send in sweets, & someone points out to you that a substantial proportion of your dc's classmates aren't supposed to have them because they are vegetarian/allergic/Muslim/Jewish/health conscious, resulting in varying levels of upset for the kids & aggravation for their parents...

...well, personally, I'd just think: 'OK, crap idea then, I'll send a bag of fruit in because surely no bugger can object to that.'

I just don't see why it would be so massively important to anyone that their child gets to shower the class with poxy Haribo!

Pan · 14/03/2009 22:25

My pc can be a bit temperamental, but it's never actually gone mad.

oopsagain · 14/03/2009 22:36

Yes ravenK, my point exactly.
nothing more, nothing less
It just seems bizarre that people still argue the toss on it.
Surely it can't be that important that they give some shit sweets to some kids that don't want them?
I like the idea of a book... that's really nice.

fivecandles · 15/03/2009 07:39

Completely agree oops and co. Obviously not 'precious'. Just sensitive to the opinions and beliefs of other parents.

Which should sort of come with the territory if you're a teacher really.

Even if you don't live in a particularly multicultural area there WILL be a significant number of parents who will be pissed off and/or upset children on health grounds.

And it's not about other kids missing out because of the beliefs/ views of a minority of parents. It's about making a bit of an effort to provide things that ALL of the children are going to enjoy as far as you're able because otherwise I've got to question why you're bothering to give stuff out if it's likely to exlude some kids and upset their parents.

It surprises me that you wouldn't be upset if someone gave your child peanuts ingles. At my school and most schools they're banned. And presumably there was a time when your child wasn't able to read labels and identify products with peanuts in them? My dd2 isn't able to check labels so I need to trust that her teachers will do this for her.

Dingbatgirl · 15/03/2009 08:54

My ds came out of school crying a while ago - sweets were given out, a special treat from a dinner lady. Not enough to go round, so the teachers only gave sweets to those children who had done 'something special.' He just could not understand why he had been left out, and the unfairness of it was bewildering. I had to try and explain to him there were not enough to go round, very difficult when you are only 6.

It also caused problems as some children are diabetic and as fivecandles has just mentioned, have peanut allergies. Unless it's well planned giving out sweets can cause more problems than it's worth, especially at the end of the day when the teachers have done more than enough already.

Blarbie · 15/03/2009 09:50

My little girl isn't at school yet, but I'd certainly never send her in with sweets/chocolate/stickers/fruit for everyone on her birthday as it's HER birthday so HER time to get treats! I'm now worried that it might mean other kids bringing sweets in wouldn't give her any (at school I wasn't invited to a girls party as I'd never invited her - I explained that "I've never had a party!!"). But I'd hope that if that did happen she'd be strong and independent enough not to be too bothered (I remember the party incident from when I was about 6 or 7 but wasn't upset by it, I just thought she was a bit stupid!)

purits · 15/03/2009 10:32

I'm so glad that my DC are older. We never had any of this when they were younger.
Sweets were a innocent treat to be enjoyed every now and then - they weren't a dietary / political / religious minefield.

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